I was just about done Christmas shopping. It has been so long since I shopped for Christmas alone. This year, I had to. This year is a little different too, in terms of celebrating this fine, fine holiday. Yes, I will be coming home for Christmas. But I will not be celebrating it at my parents' house. I'm not really dreading the holidays but I am not looking forward to it either. I just want to get this thing over with, you know?
My mom's been nagging me about coming home for a while now. Even my aunt (her sister) has been nagging me about it. What I do plan is to go home, dump all the gifts I bought and spend the holidays alone. That doesn't mean I'd have a bad time spending my supposed "favoritest" holiday ever. I just want peace and quiet, away from people who's been nothing but a source of stress to me.
I used to live for Christmas shopping. Most people don't know this but I love giving gifts. Christmas is a great excuse to splurge and just spread some cheer. This year, I think it's gonna be a joyless celebration for me. Do I feel sad about that? Not the tiniest bit. I don't feel compelled to surround myself with friends. I don't feel the need to interact with people I've known all my life. I certainly don't care to make peace with people who don't deserve peace. Unfortunately, people won't shut up when it's Christmas. They automatically think just because it's the fucking holiday all is well and good. It's not. It will be the same day as it was the night before. Or the night after. And the night after that. Sorry, I'm rambling.
The point is, I'm so not looking forward to this. However, I want this thing over and done with. Quick and painless.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
:|
Things are not good, at least as far as I'm concerned. Certain things have happened months ago and it has been a constant struggle. I guess this is what I get for trying to please everyone. I've come to accept that there will be darker days. It's kinda new to me. I was never the type who dread December and now that I do, I don't know what will come out of it. Things between me and the sister is not good. It never got better and it annoys the heck out of me. This thing, I have going on, it brought out the worst in her.
The things between me and the boyf, I'd like to keep that private . My work is too difficult to do these days. I hate that nothing is going my way and to top it all off, I haven't done my Christmas shopping yet. That, and I lost my phone. Things have been very sucky lately.
Weirdly enough, I feel that I forcibly isolated myself from people. I do not see my friends anymore. I suddenly got too busy with everything. And I'm never busy. Now that I am, in fact, truly busy, I hate it. Sometimes I wish things were a bit simpler. Maybe I need a new hobby. I'm not having fun anymore.
The things between me and the boyf, I'd like to keep that private . My work is too difficult to do these days. I hate that nothing is going my way and to top it all off, I haven't done my Christmas shopping yet. That, and I lost my phone. Things have been very sucky lately.
Weirdly enough, I feel that I forcibly isolated myself from people. I do not see my friends anymore. I suddenly got too busy with everything. And I'm never busy. Now that I am, in fact, truly busy, I hate it. Sometimes I wish things were a bit simpler. Maybe I need a new hobby. I'm not having fun anymore.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
In love and life in general
*Emo to mga bakla. Fair warning lang*
I got a boyfriend now. We became a couple while going back from a short trip to Tagaytay. Now, for someone who has been single most of her life, this is a huge, not to mention unthinkable, leap for me. I have many issues when it comes to relationships and that’s mainly the reason why I didn’t really try hard enough to be with anyone. Being with someone just scares the living daylights out of me, you know? I do not like depending on someone for anything because I might get used to it. There are no guarantees that they will be there always. You know how it is with love and all the risks that come with it.
I really thought I was way too jaded to handle any form of relationship with any man. I guess it helped that I’m definitely no sentimental fool. I used to not get swayed with thoughts of romance and all that bullshit but something changed, man.
Love is a funny thing, really. After having a horrendous 2009, I vowed that I would make 2010 better. My initial plan was to move back to the city, re-connect with old friends and just repair the damages years spent on being angry has caused.
I’d like to think my plan was a success and this kind of resulted in a nice surprise. I fell in love. Now, I will say that I certainly did not expect to be in love with anyone much more do stuff to nurture the relationship I have with that person. In fact, being with someone was the farthest thing from my mind. I did not want it and honestly, I did not think I need it. My track record speaks for itself. I was very determined on avoiding dating and my plan was to stay single for a long, long time. However, I did fell in love and I’m now neck-deep in sentimental shit that used to make me gag not too long ago. Now I smile alone often and it is weirding Dimitri out.
He is an extremely wonderful person and I count my lucky stars that I finally came around and took a chance at being happy. It’s a nice change, I’m no longer as angry at the world as I used to be. I, for the first time, see things differently.
It’s very hard to articulate what I feel about him or what I want to do in order to make him happy but I will do my darnedest. To be quite honest, I didn’t really expect him to turn into my boyfriend. As I got to know him, however, I admired him for the person that he was and loved the person that he is now. It’s really hard to explain. I can’t quite say for sure when it started but I’m glad because making an important choice such as this felt right and natural.
I’m also realistic. I know it’s not all about rainbows and butterflies. I’m aware that relationships require work, endless compromise and understanding. Again, I will my best. I know he deserves the best of me and well, we’ve been friends for so long I’m pretty sure he can put up with my worst. I’m happy there’s someone out there who I can turn to for comfort, laughter, and everything else in between. I do feel wary about depending on anyone for anything and I will not lie and say I’ve let go of that fear. But I’m working on it.
It’s scary because you know, once you give your heart to someone, you can’t have it back. If you do manage to get it back, it’s never the same, sometimes it will come in pieces. That’s a scary thought, something that I cannot, for many years, get over with. Again, I’m working on it.
I guess, 2010 is not all about reconnection after all. It’s mostly about me learning lessons, reconciling with the past and experiencing things for the first time. I’m extremely pleased. Will shut up nao.
I got a boyfriend now. We became a couple while going back from a short trip to Tagaytay. Now, for someone who has been single most of her life, this is a huge, not to mention unthinkable, leap for me. I have many issues when it comes to relationships and that’s mainly the reason why I didn’t really try hard enough to be with anyone. Being with someone just scares the living daylights out of me, you know? I do not like depending on someone for anything because I might get used to it. There are no guarantees that they will be there always. You know how it is with love and all the risks that come with it.
I really thought I was way too jaded to handle any form of relationship with any man. I guess it helped that I’m definitely no sentimental fool. I used to not get swayed with thoughts of romance and all that bullshit but something changed, man.
Love is a funny thing, really. After having a horrendous 2009, I vowed that I would make 2010 better. My initial plan was to move back to the city, re-connect with old friends and just repair the damages years spent on being angry has caused.
I’d like to think my plan was a success and this kind of resulted in a nice surprise. I fell in love. Now, I will say that I certainly did not expect to be in love with anyone much more do stuff to nurture the relationship I have with that person. In fact, being with someone was the farthest thing from my mind. I did not want it and honestly, I did not think I need it. My track record speaks for itself. I was very determined on avoiding dating and my plan was to stay single for a long, long time. However, I did fell in love and I’m now neck-deep in sentimental shit that used to make me gag not too long ago. Now I smile alone often and it is weirding Dimitri out.
He is an extremely wonderful person and I count my lucky stars that I finally came around and took a chance at being happy. It’s a nice change, I’m no longer as angry at the world as I used to be. I, for the first time, see things differently.
It’s very hard to articulate what I feel about him or what I want to do in order to make him happy but I will do my darnedest. To be quite honest, I didn’t really expect him to turn into my boyfriend. As I got to know him, however, I admired him for the person that he was and loved the person that he is now. It’s really hard to explain. I can’t quite say for sure when it started but I’m glad because making an important choice such as this felt right and natural.
I’m also realistic. I know it’s not all about rainbows and butterflies. I’m aware that relationships require work, endless compromise and understanding. Again, I will my best. I know he deserves the best of me and well, we’ve been friends for so long I’m pretty sure he can put up with my worst. I’m happy there’s someone out there who I can turn to for comfort, laughter, and everything else in between. I do feel wary about depending on anyone for anything and I will not lie and say I’ve let go of that fear. But I’m working on it.
It’s scary because you know, once you give your heart to someone, you can’t have it back. If you do manage to get it back, it’s never the same, sometimes it will come in pieces. That’s a scary thought, something that I cannot, for many years, get over with. Again, I’m working on it.
I guess, 2010 is not all about reconnection after all. It’s mostly about me learning lessons, reconciling with the past and experiencing things for the first time. I’m extremely pleased. Will shut up nao.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Konting emo: I'm officially seeing someone. Exclusively. I'm nervous and excited about the whole thing because the idea of being with someone is so alien to me. I hope everything will turn as great as I think it would be :)
Work has been really, really crazy. It still frustrates me than one person in the team messed up and we are expected to answer collectively for it. It sucks. I now understand why some people are resigned to work home-based forever, they wouldn't last a fucking day in an office-based work. The boss is still on a rampage and I believe he will make good of his threats that he'll fire everyone's asses if things do not go as planned. I stopped caring after I wrote a couple of strong-worded emails directed to the guy who started all the trouble. Kainis but well, that's life. Tangina nyong lahat.
Because my job is hanging by a thread, I'm forced to abstain from shopping. It sucked because I'm scheduled for an all-out Forever21 shopping spree this week but I had to control my expenses. And I saw this perfect couch that I really, really wanted to buy. It's so unfair! My life, so hard!
I'll be in Cavite for the first time tomorrow to accompany a certain important person. I heard Cavite is far but how far is far?
Work has been really, really crazy. It still frustrates me than one person in the team messed up and we are expected to answer collectively for it. It sucks. I now understand why some people are resigned to work home-based forever, they wouldn't last a fucking day in an office-based work. The boss is still on a rampage and I believe he will make good of his threats that he'll fire everyone's asses if things do not go as planned. I stopped caring after I wrote a couple of strong-worded emails directed to the guy who started all the trouble. Kainis but well, that's life. Tangina nyong lahat.
Because my job is hanging by a thread, I'm forced to abstain from shopping. It sucked because I'm scheduled for an all-out Forever21 shopping spree this week but I had to control my expenses. And I saw this perfect couch that I really, really wanted to buy. It's so unfair! My life, so hard!
I'll be in Cavite for the first time tomorrow to accompany a certain important person. I heard Cavite is far but how far is far?
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