Crushing Me, Crushing You

After three months of doing virtually nothing other being a royal pain in the butt, I finally felt it... the boredom, missing the familiar feel of actually doing something worthwhile here on God’s green Earth. Took me long enough. However, the path to infinite awesomeness is not without thorns. I’ve been meaning to start looking for a job again but somehow there nothing out there for me, it’s a bit frustrating, really.

I must do something fast. I feel that I’ve wasted enough time already. Procrastination is a really tough job and I might not be the girl who’s up for the job. I want to go out there again and start writing away because I feel that my only passion is starting to slip away together with my senses and I’m having none of that. I must leave before I get even dumber than I already am.

Since finding me a new job isn’t proving to be fruitful at all, I decided that in the mean time, I must start sweating away all the poundage I gained during my sabbatical. God, don’t even get me started on that. I’m so huge right now that people think I got knocked-up or something. Why can’t bums like me get a break? Seriously. I gained a lot during the holidays and unfortunately, I quickly adapted to the couch potato lifestyle right after I quit work so it’s not working great for my once “svelte” figure (FYI: The word svelte is one of the many inside jokes I have with a dear friend). So far I managed to starve myself enough to lose half an inch. Hopefully I could keep that up because my goal is around an inch. Yeah.

On a totally unrelated note, Vista is kicking my ass. I think I mentioned something about buying a new lappy last week. Well, with it came new technology, a new OS, to be precise. Fucking Windows Vista. Honestly, I feel tons more moronic than usual whenever I open the damn thing because every fucking command is like solving a damned Rubik’s cube. I’m not exactly a nut when it comes to techie/nerdy things but I sure as hell know my way around a computer and still, this stoopid operating system got me wringing my hair in utter frustration. Frankly I can't feel my ass because I've been sitting so fucking long trying to figure out what the fucking hell is fucking wrong with this shit not being able to install CS3 Photoshop.

You know what? Fuck Bill Gates, Windows XP was excellent, why fix something that ain’t broken?

To make matters worse, I don’t think my crush crushes me also (insert sad face here) which is too bad considering that I don’t have much crushes these days. Awwww. That’s gotta hurt. Fat, jobless, broke, moronic and rejected all rolled into one. What a charmed life I live.

Can’t hardly wait for the fucking future.

A Full Week

I had a pretty full week last week. First, I took my baby brother to the city and we had a great time visiting the zoo and this awesome place called Ocean Park. I hated the idea of going back to Metro Manila but I had no choice. Together with my sister, we braved the sweltering mid-afternoon heat just to check out a bunch of ill-kept animals in an equally ill-kept facility. I feel bad for the animals especially this particular orangutan who looked a lot like it wanted t scream out “Dear God, make it stop!” the way s/he was sprawled on the dirty floor of her cage. Saw a balding ostrich that looked just about done with life, some peacocks, scores of tigers who won’t come out of their cages due to the high heat and a fat pig. That’s just as wild as it can possibly get. After what seemed like an eternity, my brother’s enthusiasm for poor live beasts on filthy cages finally faded and it was off to the Ocean Park.

The Park is obviously, a huge aquarium. The fishes kept in this park were hauntingly beautiful. It was the first time for me to see moray eels and sting rays. The whole thing was set up in such a way that it was entertaining yet hypnotic. No matter how tired we were, that soon faded into child-like wonder seeing the massive aquariums and the exotic fishies that came with it. Too bad there’s no octopus in there. That would’ve been an awesome sight!

I wish I could come back. I doubt if I ever will since like I said, I hate going back to Manila.

I also bought me a new lappy. It’s white and it’s funky... and it also made a gaping hole on my savings. Oh, well. It’s not like I’m a stranger when it comes to being broke. So far I have no complains at all. The Globe Prepaid broadband, however, leaves a lot to be desired.  It connects much slower than I anticipated. It’s not the network’s fault though. The woman peddler told me something about slower connection due to the operating system that this new lappy of mine is using. So now I’m forced to put up with connection slower than a retard’s common sense. It’s so slow I swear I aged sixty five years and lost half my body mass just waiting for the damn pages to load itself up. Still it’s better than no internet connection at all.

Saturday, I went to Batangas with a couple of friends in lieu of Krisna’s impending migration to Italy. It was fun as it was also sad because things get pretty depressing for me every time I think about her leaving soon. Everything was happening so fast that Carlo and I couldn’t quite come to terms with it at all. Hopefully the three of us could find time for a last summer get-together before she leaves. As for now, I'm very sad but I’m trying my best to be a good friend and be happy for her. Just thinking about how much time I wasted back then made me even more depressed about the whole affair. At least I’m taking the news much better than Carlo. That dude is just... broken. Anyways, I know it’s for the best. I’m sure there’s a lot of things in-store to Krisna in Italy. My, what an adventure it’ll be!

The trip back to Tarlac was less than perfect. Ginormously disastrous would be mildly putting it. I started my day by waking up early but somehow managing to run late. My brother was running a fever while I woke up with a throbbing noggin’. We went straight to Galleria to have my lappy gmasked. Spending two grand just so some person can encase your beloved gadget in plastic using a hairdryer when you just spent more than 50 grand on a laptop two days prior maybe a bit unwise, especially when the economy is in the shitter and you’re a bum, but hey! The bad news was that the film I wanted was not available on that mall and I was advised that I go to a nearby mall to get what I wanted. Tired as I was (I was carrying two huge bags and each weight a ton), I dragged my feverish brother to that other mall only to find out that the film was not enough to cover the whole lappy. Pissed as I was, I still went ahead and had it gmasked just to get the whole thing over and done with. Then I waited for an hour in agony because by then, my throbbing headache turned into this monstrous head pounder, searing my brain. After that was done, we caught the bus just in time.

You’d think that’s the end if it but noooo. Later on the trip back home, my brother felt nauseous while my bladder was just about bursting. I had no choice but to ask the conductor to stop the bus because I really, really needed to go. My mistake was I was forced to leave my brother behind because the conductor said it’ll be much faster for me to go. Well. My brother is having none of that and started bawling right after I left. Making my way to the bus, I was surprised to see the conductor right beside the parked bus with my weepy-eyed brother in tow. I was told that he tried to run after me. It didn’t take much to console him afterwards. To top off an otherwise sordid trip to the seventh circle of hell, the peddler who sold macapuno candies ran off without giving back my change. Of course.

It was my last buck.

Ah, perfection.

However, I will end this entry on a much cheerful note by saying I have a new crush. Finally, a guy worth lusting after, hahahah!

Contributing to the Society

An aye or a nay? I've have lovely thoughts swirling in my mind these past few days. It's been two months since I quit work and usually by this time, I should be bored... except I'm not. I hate to admit it but it seems that country life grew on me and I am now hesitant to go back to the city and work.

 Lazing around, popping watermelon seeds and playing basketball with my brother, that's all I wanted to do. Gah. I'm such a dweeb!!!

Anyways, I got a couple of calls from two separate companies inviting me for an interview. Obviously, I'm not too happy about the idea of dragging my ass back to the metro and start yet again, contributing to the society. Being a bonafide bum is such a glorious, glorious experience.

As much as I wanted to go back and pick up where I left off, I'm afraid I'm way more settled with a more laid-back lifestyle. Also, the thought of leaving Joaquin behind tears me up. Two months ago, I would've given an arm or a leg, just to score another gig. Now, unfortunately, the much-busier lifestyle I used to lead lost its appeal on me.

So what if I'm fat, broke and fated to spend my dying days selling bolts and nuts? I don't give a shit.

Okay, maybe I do a little. I will try to find the motivation to go on. As for now, just... try not to think.