The German Connection

Last night I joined a couple of my writer friends to have a "5 minute" meeting with the German guy (who, by the way, wants to be called Norwegian guy instead so we'll call him The Guy Formerly known as German) but before that, I had a lively dinner with my other friends, devouring junk foods while making fun of each other's fuck-ups. Classic Alaskahan and Laglagan 2008.

Initially, we'll we were all planning on a easy-breezy, touch and go kinda meeting with The Guy Formerly known as German, but somewhere along the way, something must've happened cuz 5 minutes turned into at least an hour and a half.

Frankly I have no business being there cuz earlier that day I have officially severed my connection with The Guy Formerly known as German, so I was thinking that it would be improper of me to show up in their "meeting" but Hannah asked real nice (by real nice, I meant, dragged me and threatened me and my kin) to join 'em and even The Guy Formerly known as German invited me as well so...

I must say I do enjoy my brief interactions with The Guy Formerly known as German and we had a very interesting discussion ranging from former teeny-bopper stars he knew to quitting the bad habit. Overall, it was a light-hearted booze-fueled (at least in Benny and The Guy Formerly known as German's case) meeting. Aside from being elbowed on the head by a Congo grill staff, thank God nothing embarrassing happened this time.

Now, although the German connection is officially dead as a doornail, something tells me I might not have seen the last of The Guy Formerly known as German.

On a totally unrelated subject, tomorrow I shall bid my braces good-bye! Sweet! But I'll be stuck wearing retainers for 6 months which would make me look dorkier than usual but I'm still stoked!

Tra-la-la-la-la!

Bill Clinton Had a Dream

It's a pretty old video but it's funny as hell. Here you have Bill Clinton caught dozing off during a Martin Luther King speech and the video was rightly titled as "Bill Had a Dream"

He's a riot, orayts.

Ode to ze iPod... sort of.

So... I busted my iPod the other day. I didn't even know what the fuck happened, I've had for 8 months and I don't think I did anything to make it die like this. One moment it was working fine and dandy then suddenly, it stopped being okay. It would be the second iPod I busted in two years.

All I could do was, I gave my mobile phone an accusing look and said "Why can't it be you instead?" aloud. Yeah I like starting my day with a hefty dose of the crazies too, bitches.

Oh, how I miss you!

A trip to the Apple Center later, I was told that they're gonna replace it with a new one and I suppose I'm kinda glad I'm getting a brand spankin' new iPod.

I know some people are a bit disdainful with the iPod, I know some people who refuses to get one cuz they have the whole I-follow-no-fucking-trend or why-the-fucking-label bullshit in mind. Know what? Cut me some slack, man.

Never in my life have I found the perfect tool that could effectively limit my interactions with my fellow human beings and cut me off from the rest of the world and I love it.

Some may say that with the creation of portable mp3 players, comes the dramatic increase of apathetic people or schiz but I'm betting half my shopping money that the guys who came up with this bull are the same guys who claims to have seen the face of Jesus fucking Christ in the 70's when in reality they were just high from all the acid and pot. Bleah.

However, I'm not gonna say iPods are the best thing humankind ever came up with since the invention of the zippers because let's be real, the newer gen of iPods sucks donkeyballs. My nano barely made it a year and already it's busted for godknowhwhatreason. And don't get me started with the ridiculously expensive accessories that comes with it, there was a time when you can buy the old gen iPods and the charger comes with the package but now, they not only jacked-up the prices but they also excluded the stupid charger so getting one will cost you an extra 2 grand. It's fucked up, really.

But when I think about not having to listen to Chris Chuper's retarded banter every morning on love radio, not being forced to sit through another heart-wrenching "Just Once"and "King and Queen of Hearts" and generally not having to put up with other people's crap because this playlist ain't gonna listen to itself. It makes me stop and realize, it's worth it.

I'm not saying mp3 players are the holy grail, I'm just saying it made my life a better place to live in.

I suddenly missed Mang Elbis.

Maiba ng Usapan

* Hehehe, I'm only seeing the new layout for the fist time and I must say, I'm quite satisfied with the result! Thanks to Feetur for the providing the lovely blog skin! Sagot ko ang sno-ber mo, kapatid!

Tina: You feel better now?
Rosch: I have the cough thing pa din
Tina: Baka hika na yan, may inhaler ako
Rosch: Actually hindi naman... upper respiratory tract infection.
Tina: Oooh nakakahawa ba yan? Kasi I have asthma...
Tina: YOU MUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME, YOU BITCH!!!

*******

Rosch: Nag-hang mozilla ko
Tina: Wahahahaahh! The curse of ze widgets!
Rosch: I knew it! I knew that widget is gonna get me in trouble! Na feel ko na!!!
Tina: Nuh-uh... Mine's working puuuur-fectly...
Tina: ... three reboots later
Rosch: Hahahahah! Effort!
Tina: Ay naku ni, sinabi mo pa. Kaya mainit ulo kaninang umaga. Gusto kong tadyakan yung cpu ko.
Rosch: Nose bleed ba?!
Rosch: ... but I'm sure you find it pretty rewarding after 3 reboots!
Tina: Pweh. Dinuraan kita sa eyeballs.

It Only Gets Better

2008 got a bit rough at the beginning for lil' ol' me but as the days went on, I'm glad things are finally working out in my favor. My new boss is so far, awesome compared to my old boss, my team mates rocks, surprisingly, I feel less pressured with my new job and best of all, I got a once-a-week visitation rights from Benny and the rest of my long-lost bitches! How cool is that?

A couple of days ago I was feeling all "SPARTAAAAAH" over a little kink with some people in the office, of course I can't really divulge the details but three meetings later, I'm somewhat cool with the end result, far from giddy but far from pissed either which is nice... for a change. I need all the motivation I could get cuz my new shift sucks! I can't believe I'm actually starting my day at 7 fucking AM! Ghawd, I'm getting my ass kicked! Seriously man, this waking up thing is not working as easily as I hoped but hey, you get the good with the bad, yeah?

Now on to new things, in a few days I'll literally lighten this place up! Okay, what I meant was my good friend Peter, found me a kickass blog skin and I'm tickled-pink with it! This shitty blog site needs a fucking make-over anyways so I'm exah-ted! Wait, it gets better, on the first week of March, my braces, which has been the bane of my existence for the past three years, will be gone! That's the best news for me, like, ever! Also, I plan to slowly quit smoking as soon as I reach 25, that will be a hard one but I sure as hell will try my very best to beat the bad habit and finally, I'll be hitting the beach real soon! I'm giddy! I'm giddy!

See, I always knew things has a way of working out, yeah?

Puro piktyurs lang, bow.

I was browsing through my friends' and my own picture collection at Multiply and gawd, saw lots of kickass pics, hahaha! Kung may mukhang pamilyar that means I stole the pic, paaree kasi I'm an evil cunt, paaareeee....

Emo!!!! Joke lang, Paeng heheheh!

Unang boteng nabasag

Di ko naaalala to ah.

Anlaking daga ng puta.

Hehehe, Save the Spammers

Pinaka gusto kong poster to, in pernes.

Last event ng forced Issue T_T

With my sister, Sasa

With my best galpal doing our best Nguso pose!

Sasa and Krisna

Me, making pa-lamon the llamas

Weird, lahat kami naka-yuko sa pic, hahaha!

Nguso in Vigan

Benny's surprise bday party

Doy, looking unusually perky. May nasampal siguro tong hitad kaya masaya, no?

Tulog si Rhae

Tagaytay

Benny and his naughty bits

Duling na Hannah

Hanggang ngayon natatawa ako dito sa pic na to!

Lobat sa Kublai

Aaay... ang lola Rhae

Rene's Cocopuffs

Going to Galera

Galera

Galera pa din with lola Kara and Paengster

The expression is priceless!

Um... next!

(@_@)

Like, eewww...

Ila-la-la-la-la-la! *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Hahahaha!

Wahahahah!!!! Emo-ness!!!

Floating days ata to eh.

Taeng Hannah, parang tanga lang.

Patay tayo dyan!

Eto ang floating days, I'm sure

A day before Christmas vacay, Doy gave me a gift! Hahahaha!

Actually, wala lang talaga akong masulat eh kaya dinaan ko na lang sa pictures ang lahat, hehehe!

Usapang Lurve on Crap Day

Tina: Happy Balentyms, papi!
Benny: Happy crap day din.
Tina: Oh, love... such a wonderful, wonderful *projectile vomiting* thing *sabay singhot ng dinurog na neozep*

*******

Tina: Wala kang date?
Tina: GASP!
Tina: OH THE HORROR!!!
Tina: TRAVESTY!!!
Tina: CALL THE GODDAMNED MARINES!
Benny: Iga-gangbang ako ng marines... meat torpedos compel me...

*******

Tina: Haaay everyone's inluuuurve no?
Benny: Hindi naman. May mga naluluksa... at nagdadrama ka na naman...
Benny: My gahd. Snap out of it.
Tina: Hindi ako nagdadrama, napansin ko lang! Lahat dito are like, so annoyingly in-love. I fucking hate it
Benny: Wag ka maniwala dyan sa mga yan, mga ulupong silang lahat!!!
Tina: Oo nga nakakainis sana masunog na silang lahat mga putanginang gago yan!!!!

Of Valentines, Dating and Asking That Special Girl Out Don'ts

*I hardly do reposts but since Valentines is almost upon us, I'd like to share with you an article I did for our other blogs site, Canned Thoughts. I had fun writing down this schiz and I hope y'all will enjoy it too, hahaha!

Ahh... yes, Valentines is just around the corner and just because I'm celebrating this coming Valentines as a single girl doesn't mean I'm gonna dampen the romantic mood in the air and ruin it for everyone else! No, sir.

I must admit that my Valentines last year was a whole lot funner, having spent the rest of my afternoon giggling with Paeng, Rhae and Benny as we made fun of the "Valen-tining" couples walking around the mall, hahaha! This year, for some weird reason, my love life got a whole lot confusing. Of course, I can't talk about that, hehehe!

One thing I realized, just like my friend, I'm somehow convinced that men seems to be in panic mode whenever February hits. Every guy I know seems to be stressing out over how to ask out that certain girl, where to go for a date, how to make the occasion special and the likes, it's pretty amusing really. No need to panic, boys, Aunt Tina is here to help you, pathetic lot!

Now, this may be news to some but once in a while I do get asked out and I've had my fair share of dating disasters and that's probably the reason why I stopped dating anyone for this long. I know, I know, it's not much but here's some unsolicited advice if you ever needs it. And uh... these event that may or may not have happened are mostly a figment of my uh... imagination. Let's do this, bitches.

First things first, Stop tricking a girl into going out with you.

- Yeah, that's right, happens all the time when you're really close to the girl you're crushing on. You went out for a cup of latte, watched a movie, then ate dinner, everything's perfect blahblahblah... then when you got too comfortable, you'd stupidly quip, "So, when's our next date?" then you're met with a blank stare followed by soul-crushing answers like "Date? This isn't a date, we're just hangin' out like we always do. if this is a date, why do you think I insisted on splitting the bill, foo" Awww... Durr, durr... next time, make sure both of you guys got a clear grasp on what's about to happen.

Stop the Overzealousness. It's scary.

- I have this jock friend whom I've been crushing on since college (the time where I was fat, ugly and uh... not nice) Anyways, he was sort of popular back then so he never really noticed me in that way before... I mean, not with all the school sluts scratching each other's eyes out just to be with him. Fast-forward two years later, he somehow tricked me into going out with him and after the pseudo-quasi-date, kept badgering me to go out with him though text and YM with freakishly "What if we're meant to be together" weird messages to boot. I swear to God, all he kept talking about was, are you free? Let's meet up! Let's go on a date! Ugh, it's irritating. Simply put, If he wouldn't even give you a second look back when you're a bloated, ugly mess, why would you bother to spend time with this superficial dickwad now? So guys, don't ever think you're all that because chances are... you're not, mmmkay?

Timing is everything.

- There was a time when I was about to blow a guy off after dating him twice and I was sort of telling this particular guy friend of mine what I was about to do when lo and behold, guy friend asked me out in the middle of my How-To-Blow-him-off-without-Hurting-his-feelings speech. Now, nothing wrong with that maybe he just can't pass up the chance to ask the girl he likes out after learning she's about to give the current guy she's dating the boot but it would've been nicer if you waited for a better time to do it, no? Give a girl time to grieve. Also, try not to ask a girl out two days before Valentines cuz it's insulting. Give her lots of time to prettify herself for you, wink!

Never ask a girl through text, the messenger or worst, though e-mail.

This the granddaddy of faux pas, wrong in so many levels. Dude, instead of staring at your monitor for 45 minutes just to summon up the courage to click the "send" button, why don't you just spit it out in person? It's free, it's hassle-free, quick and painless. And just for thoughts, if you don't have the guts to ask her out in person what makes you think she'd want to spend two hours of her time getting to know you over dinner? Eye on the prize, tiger. If she's worthy enough to be asked out in person, do what you must do. If you got shot down in flames, it's her loss. However, if your a lazy fuck who's too chicken to face the girl you're crushing on face-to-face, then you're not worthy of her.

Never show up late.

Kids, this is important. You must respect each other's time. If you set the date a week before, there is no excuse in hell to be late unless A) Somebody's dying, maybe your mom B) Your place is on fire and you had to save a litter of kittens from meeting its creator or C) You helped Superman Save the Goddamned Universe from planet-eating aliens of the 354th Death Star north of Orion fucking belt. Respect, kids. Respect.

Never Re-schedule the date ON THE DAY ITSELF "cuz something came up"

Like hell something came up. Nothing like the phrase "because something came up" to crush one's self-esteem and make any girl feel small, unimportant. Personally, I'd rather you lie up your teeth than say that something waaay more important came up (unless your appendix is about to burst and you had to be rushed to the Emergency room, then more power to you).

and last but not the least...

Try to loosen up, tiger.

Well, she showed up with candy lips and with her best dress on. Now it's time for quick "Whew!" for all your efforts and enjoy the fruits of your labor. This is the best time to show her your uh... often overlooked attributes. Show her your funny side, intellectual side, blahblahbla... Don't show her how anxious you are cuz chances are, she's gonna be anxious too or worst will be turned-off. Chillax, dear. Oh and no booze, unless she wants one too... wink!

Have a safe and romantic Valentines day, y'all!

Oscar-Winning Piece Of Shit

* May mga hitad na nagsabing they can't stand my emo-ish shit for the past three weeks, hahahaha! Well, ang masasabi ko lang ay... Whatever, dorks. Nakikibasa lang kayo, letche!!! Bow.

Tina: Sakit likod, sakit tyan... mamamatay na yata talaga ako T_T
Benny: Yehey! Sa libing mo, kakanta si Paeng ng My Chemical Romance. Tapos dala-dala namin yung bangkay mo kasi may dance number tayo
Tina: Ayus, Thriller ito
Benny: Pwede rin! Tapos, bigla kang mabubuhay!
Tina: Oo, re-animated after kong maagnas! MmMmMm... I make gangrene look goooood
Benny: Tapos darating si dawrms... nag-swim galing sa Saudi!
Tina: Tapos?
Benny: Papunta sa Pinas, basang-basa siya, dude!
Tina: Gaguuuu...
Benny: Tapos malalalim at mahahabang hinga...
Benny: dormsz: Tina.....ikaw ba yan?
Benny: dowrmz: ang....*hinga*...ganda-ganda mo pa rin...
Benny: dawrmsz: Bruhang bakla kah!!!!! Chaaaaringgggg!!!!
Benny: Tapos lalabas si Cher, kakanta ng "Believe"
Benny: Tapos magiging Gay Parade yung libing mo!
Tina: Ayus, pang Oscar awards ang script ah!

*******

Tina: Ooooooh... kiiiiinkyyyyy....
Tina: I like Kink with my morning kopi too
Benny: I-aadmin nya yung oriental clams mo!

...Siiiiigh...

After spending three excruciating weeks showing up for work but really working, being forced by the HR peeps to write boring articles about brake hoses and boat covers, facing the day fighting tooth and nail just so I can fucking write in fucking peace minus the Goddamned screaming of The Black Parade and that stupid, stupid song by the Six Cycle Mind that these tone-deaf dickwads kept singing over and over and over again like a fucking broken record, forcing myself to do freelance work just so I could ignore the urge to walk out that door with no intention of coming back, spending mind-numbing hours asking myself whether or not I made the biggest mistake of my career by sticking up to this company for two years when I know I could find a better job, being angry with myself because I can't trust myself to make important decisions and generally hating how much things have changed, I'm somewhat happy to say I got the promotion I've been waiting for.

I was pleasantly surprised, vindicated even, because I knew it was a long shot. But I actually did bag the job and I was glad. Hell, for a couple of days, I was. I got exactly what I wanted.

But as it turns out, none of you guys were here to see it. Wish I could celebrate this with you guys. I would've even done my goofy victory dance that you guys loved so much because I look stupid everytime I do it.

Hay, wish you were here.

Konting Kultura Para Maiba!

Okay if you guys are looking for retarded banters today you may stop reading cuz it ain't gonna happen this time. Once in a while I do write stuff outside of my expertise just to spite you, dear readers. Why I do this is beyond me.

Today, unfortunately, I'll be writing about the three cool books I read not too long ago (Fine, I read all of these last week and I chose this time to write about it, cut me some slack, why dontcha?) Yes, I do read stuff other than the Sunday funnies, harhar.

Now, I mentioned several blogs ago that I was meaning to read John Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath and that's exactly what I did. The book is all about The Great Depression and also about the struggles of a small Oklahoma family, The Joads. Be warned that this is definitely not meant for light reading.

I was a bit surprised that Grapes of Wrath is considered one of the greatest American Novels (it said so in Benny Blog) had I known about it, I wouldn't have wasted my time procrastinating. I must say that having read Steinbeck's East of Eden, which I totally adored, Grapes of Wrath is more uh... depressing in comparison. It's definitely worth reading but trust me, it really ain't all that.


After I finished that book I went ahead and read Memories of My Melancholic Whores by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Now this is a fun book! I loved it! It's a very light read too. It's a story that revolves around a 90-year old guy pining for a virgin whore. It's a very quirky book that pokes fun at getting old, falling inlove for the first time and also teaches about the pains you have to put yourself through for the sole purpose of liberating yourself from surrounding bullshit of your own making. I highly recommend this book.


And last but not the least, I found time to squeeze in F. Scott Fitzgerald's masterpiece, The Great Gatsby. I made the mistake of holding on to the synopsis of the book written at the back cover. It read "The classic story of Jay Gatsby's undying love to the beautiful Daisy Buchanan". Personally, I'm a sucker for happy endings and I thought, "Hey maybe this is the light-hearted book I'm looking for".

Too fucking bad, it ain't. If anything, it made me a bit depressed. I remember that after I finished the last page, it started to rain outside, it's alike a giant depressing cherry on top of a hugeass depressing cake.

Well, most of you guys have read it I'm sure, but for those who haven't, trust that I won't give out any spoilers. Anyways, yeah, The Great Gatsby is a very intriguing book if I do say so myself but don't take my word for it and read it yourself!

Konting kutura, mga kapatid!

Reliving Stoooopid Moments

For the sake of giving you guys a break from my I'm-so-fucking-busy-somebody-shoot-me speech (I know most of you are tired of me and my bullshit), I'm gonna tell you guys a funny story. You know me, I love to share retarded stuff anyways.

Last week, I had a meeting with the German guy (who'll remain unnamed cuz of complicated circumstances, work-wise) together with two of my writer friends. We ate somewhere, he drank beer, Benny was late and Tin blew my mind with the nifty little paint job she did for Congo Grill. Turns out, she was the bitch behind the kickass mural on the walls of Congo Grill in El Pueblo. How cool is that?

Well the story happened after Tin left and we changed venue. Don't really remember the place but you can shoot pools and do manly things like... uh... shoot pools, drink beer, smoke and do drugs. Okay, I made the last part up, hahaha! So I sat opposite German guy who was busy discussing stuff related to work and schiz. Beside him, sat a disheveled-looking Benny nonchalantly drinking beer and there's me, innocently leaning on my chair. Big. Fucking. Mistake.

I can't explain it. Maybe I suddenly gained a hell lot of weight or maybe the stoooopid chair chose that precise moment to act stoooooopid because the back of my chair completely gave out on me! I shit you not, my friend.

Good thing I have quick reflex because I found time to hook my feet to the table brace which prevented me from being embarrassingly splattered on the floor.

But I don't know if having quick reflex is a good thing though. I would've chosen to fall flat on my ass just to get the whole fiasco over and done with, or at the very least, to give justice to all that screaming, you know?

Instead, I was stuck in a royally awkward position. Lemme paint the picture, kids. Me, screaming like a fucking banshee, with my ass in midair, arms flailing about, in front of German guy, Benny and the rest of the people in that bar for ten excruciating seconds.

I swear to God, all I kept thinking was, "Well, this is a very interesting situation, no? Can I die, like NOW?"

As you can see, I'm not really used to having my composure lost when I'm in a meeting, whether it happens in the office or in some obscure bar, much more when in front of strangers.

Weirdly enough, I don't remember German guy laughing. I'm assuming he was being polite about it. Benny and I however, started laughing like a couple of retards on sugar high.

I mean, wachagannadew? Sure I was embarrassed but it was still funny... but it's still embarrassing. Man, that was one of the the weirdest night I ever had. Seriously though, I felt like I was being punked.

And no, I haven't gotten over the whole thing. I'll remember that moment for as long as I live... OH THE SHAME! THE SHAME! I'M MEEEELLLTINNNNGGGG...!!!

That's all. Bow.

Lost in Translation

Benny: ...makikita mo na lang akong palibuy-libuy sa Mega...
Tina: Libuy-libuy?
Benny: Ay, palaboy-laboy pala, sorry!
Tina: Putanginang palibuy-libuy yan... san galing yun?!

********

Tina: Tae na-samid ako ng hardcore.
Benny: Eh?
Tina: Nasamid ako... sobrang ni-ubo ko sha. Kahiya puro lalaki pa naman todits
Benny: Tanga kung tanga, pero ano ang 'namasid?'
Tina: Tangina naman eh....