Ahh... yes, Valentines is just around the corner and just because I'm celebrating this coming Valentines as a single girl doesn't mean I'm gonna dampen the romantic mood in the air and ruin it for everyone else! No, sir.
I must admit that my Valentines last year was a whole lot funner, having spent the rest of my afternoon giggling with Paeng, Rhae and Benny as we made fun of the "Valen-tining" couples walking around the mall, hahaha! This year, for some weird reason, my love life got a whole lot confusing. Of course, I can't talk about that, hehehe!
One thing I realized, just like my friend, I'm somehow convinced that men seems to be in panic mode whenever February hits. Every guy I know seems to be stressing out over how to ask out that certain girl, where to go for a date, how to make the occasion special and the likes, it's pretty amusing really. No need to panic, boys, Aunt Tina is here to help you, pathetic lot!
Now, this may be news to some but once in a while I do get asked out and I've had my fair share of dating disasters and that's probably the reason why I stopped dating anyone for this long. I know, I know, it's not much but here's some unsolicited advice if you ever needs it. And uh... these event that may or may not have happened are mostly a figment of my uh... imagination. Let's do this, bitches.
First things first, Stop tricking a girl into going out with you.
- Yeah, that's right, happens all the time when you're really close to the girl you're crushing on. You went out for a cup of latte, watched a movie, then ate dinner, everything's perfect blahblahblah... then when you got too comfortable, you'd stupidly quip, "So, when's our next date?" then you're met with a blank stare followed by soul-crushing answers like "Date? This isn't a date, we're just hangin' out like we always do. if this is a date, why do you think I insisted on splitting the bill, foo" Awww... Durr, durr... next time, make sure both of you guys got a clear grasp on what's about to happen.
Stop the Overzealousness. It's scary.
- I have this jock friend whom I've been crushing on since college (the time where I was fat, ugly and uh... not nice) Anyways, he was sort of popular back then so he never really noticed me in that way before... I mean, not with all the school sluts scratching each other's eyes out just to be with him. Fast-forward two years later, he somehow tricked me into going out with him and after the pseudo-quasi-date, kept badgering me to go out with him though text and YM with freakishly "What if we're meant to be together" weird messages to boot. I swear to God, all he kept talking about was, are you free? Let's meet up! Let's go on a date! Ugh, it's irritating. Simply put, If he wouldn't even give you a second look back when you're a bloated, ugly mess, why would you bother to spend time with this superficial dickwad now? So guys, don't ever think you're all that because chances are... you're not, mmmkay?
Timing is everything.
- There was a time when I was about to blow a guy off after dating him twice and I was sort of telling this particular guy friend of mine what I was about to do when lo and behold, guy friend asked me out in the middle of my How-To-Blow-him-off-without-Hurting-his-feelings speech. Now, nothing wrong with that maybe he just can't pass up the chance to ask the girl he likes out after learning she's about to give the current guy she's dating the boot but it would've been nicer if you waited for a better time to do it, no? Give a girl time to grieve. Also, try not to ask a girl out two days before Valentines cuz it's insulting. Give her lots of time to prettify herself for you, wink!
Never ask a girl through text, the messenger or worst, though e-mail.
This the granddaddy of faux pas, wrong in so many levels. Dude, instead of staring at your monitor for 45 minutes just to summon up the courage to click the "send" button, why don't you just spit it out in person? It's free, it's hassle-free, quick and painless. And just for thoughts, if you don't have the guts to ask her out in person what makes you think she'd want to spend two hours of her time getting to know you over dinner? Eye on the prize, tiger. If she's worthy enough to be asked out in person, do what you must do. If you got shot down in flames, it's her loss. However, if your a lazy fuck who's too chicken to face the girl you're crushing on face-to-face, then you're not worthy of her.
Never show up late.
Kids, this is important. You must respect each other's time. If you set the date a week before, there is no excuse in hell to be late unless A) Somebody's dying, maybe your mom B) Your place is on fire and you had to save a litter of kittens from meeting its creator or C) You helped Superman Save the Goddamned Universe from planet-eating aliens of the 354th Death Star north of Orion fucking belt. Respect, kids. Respect.
Never Re-schedule the date ON THE DAY ITSELF "cuz something came up"
Like hell something came up. Nothing like the phrase "because something came up" to crush one's self-esteem and make any girl feel small, unimportant. Personally, I'd rather you lie up your teeth than say that something waaay more important came up (unless your appendix is about to burst and you had to be rushed to the Emergency room, then more power to you).
and last but not the least...
Try to loosen up, tiger.
Well, she showed up with candy lips and with her best dress on. Now it's time for quick "Whew!" for all your efforts and enjoy the fruits of your labor. This is the best time to show her your uh... often overlooked attributes. Show her your funny side, intellectual side, blahblahbla... Don't show her how anxious you are cuz chances are, she's gonna be anxious too or worst will be turned-off. Chillax, dear. Oh and no booze, unless she wants one too... wink!
Have a safe and romantic Valentines day, y'all!
Valentine's Day brings out the serial killer in me. I can bring my machete and hack/slash couples canoodling by a candle lit dinner. I can use their heads as candle holders by way of their forcibly broken jaws. Their eyes can be used as table decor and their teeth I can use to open softdrink bottles. Valentine's Day is as sick as Christmas. I hope someday V-Day would be a day of mourning rather than a day of commercial love.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, I hear you. I just had a sudden realization that love is overrated and love can fucking go to hell. Yeah, that and my booger kept getting bigger, what's up with that?
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