The Year In Review: 2007

Update: Me and a bunch of my friends went cam-whoring yesterday! 'Twas fun and shit! Also, Doy came up with a new word: Oogy. Yeah, check out what it means... his posts are uber-oogy!

Oh hey, hey, hey! First off as the title implies, this will be my last post for the year 2007! I planned nothing big today though I do have lots of stuff to do for the coming year.

I, Tina Lee, self-proclaimed kilabot ng mga kuyukot, will be heading up North to Vigan, where I shall collect my bearings and do cool stuff... like... picking my schoz and scratching my ass cheeks on location! Whatchu say? Y'all gonna miss me? *ngiting aso* Awww... didn't know you guys cared... mewmewmewmewmew....

I know I sound like I'm high on crack but I'm so exah-ted! I'm not really the adventurous type and this is my first backpacking trip, it's awesome! I plan to eat lost and lots of kalamay, trot around in circles at the heritage village and like, celebrate my now deflated wallet! Oh, I'll have tons of fun, I just know it.

Okay see, I have lots of grand plans for 2008 so I think it would do me a hella lotta good to think things over. Of course, I really don't want to talk about that, baka ma-depress lang ako. Anyways, I kept reading other people's blogs and dalawa lang ang nakikita kong topic, wish list and year end report. Bakit ganun?

Now, gustuhin ko mang gumaya eh I pretty much don't want anything right now. Nothing that money can buy anyways. Gah! Could I get more lamer? Apparently yes, I'm getting old na talaga, I hate it!

As for the year-end report thing, haaay. 2007 proved to be a lot weirder than 2006. Madaming nangyari, most di masaya but the Ber months has been good and in a way, I'm glad I'm still y'know... doing juuust dandy. I'm so lame, I know. You'd think this article, being the last post for 2007, I could come up with interesting schiz to talk about but nooo... I had to ruin this for you.

Isang comment ko lang, naririndi na ako sa putanginang "Suicidal" song na yan ha. Di na sha funny. Wala man lang bang nagsasawa sa inyo sa kantang yon? I had to sit through that song during the company party then I woke up this morning and I hear the school band from a nearby school playing that song over and over and over again. No, hindi sa stereo, old school drum and lyre ang letche. Uuugh... ansakit sa ulo.

So that's about it. For a girl na sobrang daldal, wala akong masabing kahit anong relevant or life-changing na happenings sa taong nag-daan. Since wala akong wishlist and shit, I'll just wish you guys a wonderful Christmas and a glorious year ahead. Balikan nyo na lang ako next year. I'll be out hibernating away from the in-tah-net, woohooo!

Cheers!

SasaLee: The Tale Of The Lost Passport

Commercial muna tayo: Ang maka-bagbag damdaming katanghan na ito ay inihatid sa inyo ni: SasaLee, Ate ni TinaLee

SasaLee and Cake

Wala akong balak na mag-update ng blog pero may nakakatawang nagyari sakin or actually, sa ate ko kaninang umga. Share ko lang.

My sister lost her passport three months ago. She's not exactly what you'd call a "neat freak" so her missing passport isn't actually new to me. Anyways, she's been trying to find the damn thing for quite some time (3 months) and was almost resigned to the fact that she'd be forced to get a new one. Anyone who has a passport knows how fucking hard it is to get a new one especially if you lost yer old passport. Paper works, filing stuff to the authorities, shit like that.

This morning around 8:30, We were making our way to our respective offices when we realized we have absolutely no smaller bills to spare for our short FX ride. Sasa, being the first born, took it upon herself to buy insignificant goods to score some change in the nearby sari-sari store. She was idly checking out the food from the store when a posted sign caught her eyes:

Lost Passport: Maria Theresa Coliamco Lee

Ang tanga kong ate, na laging nawawalan ng gamit ay natulala, kinalabit ako then started giggling while claiming she is that person to the cashier and started flinging her ID around. Turns out, a tricycle driver found the passport and (rightfully) assumed the girl who lost it is from the village we're in. The cashier told us, they've been looking for the owner of the schiz for a long time.

So why am I telling this funny news to you guys? My sister told me she can't say to her bosses that she found her passport otherwise isasama sha sa Hong Kong. She gave me permission na ipagkalat ang masayang balita ayon sa aklat ng katangahan ni Sasa.

Tina: Tanga mo din eh no? So, ang gamit mo nakakarating hanggang sari-sari store ng ibang tao?
Sasa: Oo nga eh, wahahahah!
Tina: Buti di ka natunaw sa hiya. Libre mo me.
Sasa: Ulol.

In the end, sa sobrang tuwa ni gago, nilibre ako ng taxi ride. Yun lang.

Ze Christmas Party

Hey, pepol of the Pelepens, enjoying the slide show? Those are the pics I shamelessly stole from Carlo and Nina, bwehehehehe! Ako na ang huling mag-post, halos lahat sa blogroll ko eh meron na, hehehe. Sa mga di pa nakakahalata, those are from last Friday's Iweb HAT party. Y'all may remember what I said one blog ako na I'll be damned if I come home empty-handed. Well. Well. WELL. As always, wala na naman akong na-dagit na prizes, I don't know why I even bother. Every. Fucking. Year. I swear to God.

Haaay... I knew I should've worn a shorter skirt. Taena tong Loubelle na to eh, dinaan sa ganda! Natalo tuloy ako! Hahaha! Seriously though, congrats kay Loubelle at sya ang Hattest Female sa party (hoy yung chocolates ko, aabangan kita sa baba, muahahahha!) at sa lahat ng mga nanalo, gagaling nyo. Kung alam ko lang kinarir ko na rin sana ang mga pa-contest nila *emo tears*

Dunno about you guys but I enjoyed meself! It was fun and very light-hearted ang ambiance, so unlike last year where everyone kept acting like baseball bats were shoved way up their asses, hahaha! This year was pretty different. Saw lots of familiar faces as well as y'know, virtual strangers. Yeah, kinda cool trying to make small talks while craftily weasling my way into their beloved yosi stash, hehehehe!

If there's one thing I hated about the party, it was the time I had to come up the stage. God, that was the worst. The last time I was ever on stage was like, eons ago so natural di ako sanay. Tangina, sumakit tuloy tyan ko sa kaba. Ugh. Well, that and the stupid dance floor. Shit pare, I damned near crapped my pants when Sir Obet dragged me into the middle of the dance floor. Nakakatawa yung napag-usapan namin.

Tina: (dances around like goddamned lunatic, high on crack)

Sir Obet: Wow Tina... Parang tanga lang ah! (Tangina, verbatim to. If you don't believe me, you can ask the man himself)

Tina: *deep inside* You cut me deep.

Good Lawrd. Parang gusto kong matunaw, huhuhu! So kahiyaaaa!!! So I did the next best thing, when no one was looking I sneaked out then made a beeline to the balcony area. Smoked till my lungs burned, hoping na mag-disperse ang mga tao sa dance floor. Hay. That was depressing, it's like high school all over again. I knew that dance floor was trouble.

Can't help but notice how much things have changed between last year and this year's party. Una sa lahat wala kaming picture ng mga bitches ko last year meron. Kakalungkot ng konti. But to sum it all up, 'twas an awesome night.

Oh, I almost forgot, this is my 90th post here on Blogger. Not that I'm planning on anything special. Gusto ko lang i-mention, hahahaha! Nga pala, you guys might notice the cute kid above, she's my new god-daughter and her mudra. Shempre para na naman akong abnormal sa pic. Hahahah! Sapalagay nyo, anong tumatakbo sa isipan ng bagets habang naka-titig sa akin?

A) What the fuck? I can see her brain from here!

B) What's this tranny's problem, staring like this and shit?!

or C) Tanginang hitad kapal ng mukha, naka-dalawang balik sa buffet!

Hahahah!

Kesong Bulok Daw

Benny: Ano nga ba yung mabahong cheese?
Tina: Limburger?
Benny: Ah tama. Ikaw yun
Tina: Tangina mo ah.
Benny: Thanks for helping me make asar you
Tina: Huhuhu... making asar me, huhuuhuh *sabay bato ng granada*
Benny: Huhuh pare you threw the grenade on my balls pare, now it's maga na huhuhu....

*********

Benny: Astig. Edi ang baho nya...
Tina: Like yuh, parang ikaw lang
Benny: Inggit ka lang. Amoy kesong bulok ka kasi.
Tina: FYI: Keso IS bulok. No need to say kesong bulok as keso will do. BURN!
Benny: Hindi kaya *emo*

Off To Ze Party I Shall Go

Crikey, Christmas really is just around the corner. I'm a bit giddy cuz tonight, our company Christmas party is up. Originally, I didn't have any plans on attending the event for reasons that I care not to divulge. However, two weeks prior to the party, I changed my mind. I learned that first, my good friend Rhae, was tasked to organize the whole shebang and I don't want to snub her stuff kasi I don't want to be known as the dick who snubbed Rhae's thing and frankly she scares the living shit outta me! Joke lang hehehe, second, a couple of my bosom buds will be hosting the event *cough RoschieandJumaicough* Third and probably the most important reason of all:

Rhae: Want to know another good reason why you should definitely come to the Christmas party?
Tina: Ugh... venue fucking sucks... will not go...
Rhae: Here's what's on the menu: Sinigang na sugpo, crablets, calamares, caldereta... did I mention na buffet sya?
Tina: *ears pricked-up* Dude say no more, I'm so there.

You always do this! JesusfuckingChrist! Fuck you Iweb... playing on my weakness and shit! You know how I feel about food!!! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you to hell!! *drool*

So from our short but sweet conversation you guys can see how much I've given this particular subject a lot of thought, I know. Like, I burned a lot of brain cells just thinking about whether or not I should come. Hahahha, man... I'm cracking myself up over here... hahahah!

I admit, the food and the fact that I might win a oh, I don't know... a coffee maker, made me change my mind.

Well, you know how we all must have our own motivation in order to achieve a certain something, hahahaha! I make no fucking sense. I'm going because I'm there to fucking win, bitches! I'll be damned if I come home empty-handed!!!! (insert evil laughter HERE)

Babaw ko no? Bitter pa rin kasi ako dun sa last year na raffle eh, hahaha!

Seriously though, I'm pretty curious to see how things will turn out tonight. I mean, I bet Rosch and Jumai would do an awesome job and from what I'm hearing it's gonna be one lovely gathering, plus I want to see what those little smurfs looks like after dark *wink* so there's absolutely no reason not to go. Now I gotta run, papa-land scaping ko pa ang hairlaloo ng lola nyo!

Cheers, bitches!

Bookworm-ish Tendencies

I find it weird that everyone here in the office knows me as Tina Lee. I mean, Tina would do plus when I was in college everybody called me "Lee" Nakakatawa lang na sa work, buong pangalan ko ang sinasabi. Sampol: The gay dude at the pantry calls me Tina Lee and I was a bit taken aback. He was like, "Tina Lee, nilaga yung sayu no?" Medyo natawa lang ako ng konti. Or yung shawarma guy sa pool area, "Kay Tina Lee daw itlog tapos bacon... kayo po yung Tina Lee, di ba?" Hahaha! Ok lang naman kahit tawagin ako ng buong pangalan ko. Hell, you can even call me Boornickers and I wouldn't really mind. Nakaktawa lang kasi pwede namang hindi.

I seem to be reading a hell lotta books these days. Just recently I finished John Steinbeck's East Of Eden. It's one cool read, I loved it to bits! Parang gusto ko din ma-experience ang Salinas Valley from which the story took place.

I will then proceed on reading his other literary masterpieces such as Grapes Of Wrath, Of Mice and Men and The Pearl. The cooler part is, my sister loaned me all these books to read! I lovez itz! Right now I'm just about done reading Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, which by the way, fucking rocks, pare. I swear to God, kinikilig ako sa mga interactions ni Lizzy Bennet and Mr. Dah-cy!

It's a cryin' shame that I'm a fast-reader cuz I want to savor the book. So now I'm trying to slow down kasi patapos na sha and I really, really, want to not finish too soon.

I've watched the movie but being the bookworm-ish dork that I am, I feel na minsan Hollywood kept raping the goodness out of a good book and you're left with this hideous, glittery, shiny, over-hyped... thing. Which makes reading so much funner, doncha think? But I must admit Matthew MacFadyen gave an awesome performance plus he's so hot *drool*

Hay, kilig me.

Jeysus Chrrriiissst!!!!

Hey kids, Thanks sa mga taong nagbigay ng "encouraging" words (mapa-ym, text or comments) nung ako'y kasalukuyang praning at handa nang mag walk-in sa mental, alam nyo kung sinu kayung tatlo, wahahahahah! Seriously, Thanks, muah! Na-master ko na kasi ang katagang binitawan ng The Great Beanny Baby: The trick is to not care. Chew on that, kids!

**********

Benny: 2 becomes 1' rullz your shriveled ass
Tina: Hah, my ass won't be shriveled until I turn 45, you dick!
Benny: That's because you're gonna get it at 44!
Tina: Hah! Imma inject my ass wid botox, hah! You on the other hand, magmu-mukhang lantang papyrus ang itlog mo wahahahhahahahh! *laughs maniacally , hides behind a boulder*
Benny: At least may ass, kaw likod tas direcho tumbong *hides in an even bigger boulder*
Tina: Damn you!!!!

**********

Benny: You need medical help.
Tina: I need to get a life, you mean.
Benny: From Dr. Ohms
Tina: *to the tune of Dr.Jones* Doctor Ohms, Doctor Ohms, calling Doctor Ohms
Benny: Ako yung kalbo, WAKE UP NOW!
Tina: Heeheeeheee... na-lss ako dun ah... Tangina mo, Benitez.

Grip Not Gotten

It never ceases to amaze me how I could sit quietly in my little cubicle, just picking my nose, doing my job and generally minding my own biz then for some weird reason, trouble always finds me. Hay, I'm getting too old for these kinds of schiz, it doesn't help my already frazzled nerves to know that I'm probably the most paranoid person on the face of the planet. Anyways, it's official: I've got the blues and I'm paranoid as shit, pare.

Nothing tastes right, kept waking up at the dead of the night and worst, I feel like someone's out to get me.

Must calm down... might make heart burst into flames...

Anyways, I can't really talk about it since I'm not really a fan of showing my softer side here... on the net. Plus, I've already burdened you guys enough by admitting I'm paranoid and depressed, so that ought to be enough. For the guys who are expect a witty comeback right now, you may go cuz I got nuthin'. For the few guys who chose to remain, I shall now proceed on boring you with my once-in-a-blue-moonish senti moment post.

I'm so praning right now I could hardly stand it. I wish I'm a crack addict so these schiz I'm going through were justified... hay. After much tossing and turning on my bed, I wake up and could hardly hold my shit together. No, really.

Then when I dressed for work, I was a bit surprised to find out I lost my gut. I can't believe I'm actually saying this but I miss my gut. I want my gut back. But like I said, nothing tastes right. So I then I started whining about my impending doom to my friends. Or to anyone who would listen, for that matter. Well they did try their damnedest to knock some sense into my head but I don't think it's getting through my thick skull so far

Update: Hahaha! This article just goes to show how manic I can get sometimes. I wrote this article on two separate days and now, I didn't have the heart to finish it since the feeling was gone. Explain ko lang, a few days ago, I was feeling a wee bit paranoid over something I can't actually discuss just yet. Anyways I'm feeling much better for now. Ciao!

Thinking Aloud

Ahoy, bitches. Well, I don't know about you guys but as for me, November has been one heck of an ass-kicker and as we are nearing the end of 2007 it made me a bit contemplative about the year to come. But of course, you have to take the good with the bad, eh no? Andaming nangyari eh... san ko ba sisimulan..

Ah oo, may nakaka-alala pa na may nag-hold ng fund-raising ang mga magagaling na kinauukulan sa aming humble opis? Oh, I'm so gonna get in trouble for commenting on anything about it and I sure as hell don't want to end up with strangers and office peeps nitpicking my shitty blog katulad ng nangyari kay Jeo, sa dahilang nakakahiya't andami kong picture na ganito:

Besides, I'm not really big on the whole traffic thing. Although, I must admit dumadami ang readers ko recently to which I'm grateful kahit kalahati nung traffic ko eh alam naman nating lahat na galing kay Princess Sarah, no? Bwahahahah, walang magre-react!!!

Anyways, kung may masasabi lang ako sa mga perpetrators ng fund-raising ay eto lang: Tangina nyo, mga hudas andami ko tuloy pending na schiz... pero talamats at we had the whole afternoon off. The end. Sa mga tao na bumubuo ng mahal kong kumpanya eh: With all due respect, a short but sweet explanation would be nice. Kahit di na masyadong malalim ang explanation ok lang basta meron lang... po *drool*

Tapos... ah yes. I think I may have mentioned several blogs ago that I've always wanted to be a cartoonist. Di nangyari kasi naunahan ako ng ate kong mag-take ng Fine Arts *sniff, sniff* Anywhat, Lucky for me, I find myself working on a couple of projects that has something to do with toons. Well, I'm pretty excited to tell you guys about it pero as of now, wala pang tapos sa mga projects na 'to so there's nothing to tell, bweheheheh....

Nung Thursday eh may standoff sa Makati no? Y'know, as much as I admire Trillianes' courage (not a lot of people have the guts to do what he did), I have to admit na the ploy was totally misguided. He's already a senator, he could've chosen a different way to show his "unhappiness" towards the corrupted government officials.

I mean, spare us the (hostage) drama, and fight for what's right in the Senate. I understand na mas madami na ngayon ang oposisyon sa Senado so, victory is bound to be within his grasp. Sayang lang kasi instead of trying to make a difference eh he could've made a difference had he taken time to choose his battle carefully.

And since we're on the topic, was the goddamned curfew really necessary? I was unaware of the imposed curfew and I only learned about it well past 7:00 PM at the mall where I was idly checking out stuff that I can't afford (for now, at least). So, I tried going home at around 8PM, couldn't get a cab for an hour and made it home half an hour before 12 MN. Hellish would be mildly putting it. Then some people who obviously don't have a life kept texting me na nag-declare na ng Martial Law si GMA. Sana lang di ako nag-palpitate ng konti dun.

The Pork en Chop Chronicles Speysyal

*******

Tina: Nak nak
Benny: Who's there?
Tina: Benny
Benny: Benihu
Tina: Don't be fooled by the cock that he's got, he's still, he's still Benny from the block.. used to have a little dick now he has a lot (tentacle cocks) no matter where he goes he knows where he came from...
Tina: From the WebDate! From the WebDate!
Benny: Muy bien! Wunderbar! Fantastisch!
Benny: ... bored ka no?

*******

Tina: My mind is numbess from boredness
Benny: Sarap nyan.....natural state of high
Tina: Ugh, not really. Hanapan mo ko ng magagawa.
Benny: Makipag-flirt ka sa teammates mo to stave the boredness
Tina: Damn you!!!!!
Benny: Eyfort yan pare... Anong gusto mo? Tulungan mo ako sa ka-pornohan ko?
Tina: Anu bang ginagawa mo? As in review, shit like that?
Benny: Hindi, never-ending description. Describing the same pics over and over and over nad overn aoncvaoenfo vneononVNOWEFN
Tina: Oh the joys of being a senior writer ! A person such as myself could only dream as much!

Justifying Bad Manners and Wrong Conduct

Mga Bagay Na Nakakasira Ng Araw Ko:

Ilang malalagkit na hair products later, fly-away pa din ang bangs

Di pa nagsisimula ang araw mo, amoy baktol ka na dahil sa init ng 8:00 AM

Pag nalaman mong mali pala sinakyan mong FX matapos kang nag-antay ng 35 years

Pag-nagulangan sa FX (either naunahan sa pila or nakotongan ni Manong driver)

Sobrang traffic sa Ugong. Mas mabilis kung lalakarin papuntang office pero you're like, so tamad

Pag-nadikit ang braso sa malagkit na braso ng isang estranghero

Pag halos makain mo na ang mahabang buhok ng putanginang katabi mo sa lakas ng hangin

Pag-umuulan tapos nabasa ang dulo ng pantalon mo papuntang office

Pag dating sa office nakita mong nauna pa sayu ang boss mo

Nawala ang uma-umagang ritual ng pagyoyosi dahil nauahan ka ng boss mo.

Pag upo sa desk, nadatnan mong bukas PC mo pero nag shut-down ka naman bago umalis kahapon tapos paglingon mo sa boss mo, naka-ngiting aso ang putangina.

Habang nagco-concentrate sa trabaho biglang magha-hang ang PC mong bulok.

10 AM pa lang naka-apat na re-start ka na ng PC, whee.

Biglang magfli-flicker ang ilaw ng monitor, parang Christmas lights... kukuting-tingin ang CPU as if naman alam ayusin

Bigla kang kakanta, di mo alam na malakas pala boses mo tapos nagkamali ka sa lyrics or biglang di kinaya ng vocal cords mo ang birit ni Freddie Mercury.

Titingin sa kamunduhan ng Porno, iisip ng isusulat. Wala nang maisip na synonym sa word na schlong.

Ang internet connection parang dial-up lang ang bagal.

I-scan ang sariling blog, madi-dismaya dahil nakitang andaming typos di man lang napansin.

Kala mo na-master mo na ang WorpPress tapos biglang dumugo ang ilong mo matapos mong i-scan ang HTML codes.

Pag tinatanung bakit mainit ang ulo mo

Word.

WebDate: The Musical

Tina: The Animated Series

Noon:


Tapos, eto naman:
A few days ago, nag-dance number pa ng ganito:


Well, ngayon... Guess who just turned into Santa's Wittle Welper?

That's right, bitches! These were made by a good friend for me. Kamukha ko ba?


Lagut ang mga naughty this Christmas! For I, Santa's Wittle Welper, shall lace thy toys with cyanide and radioactive sago!

Waiting for Christmas...

'Tis The Season For Booty Shakin'

And because Christmas is just around the corner...


I offer to you, my dear readers: The Tina and Elfin Friends Shakes Thy Booties Dance Numbah! Watch it and thank me later.

Fab Four Version:


Smiley Papabols Version:

Asteeeg....

The Reluctant Porn Writer

I have been turning down one offer to do porn reviews after another ever since I worked here (Not telling exactly where "here" is). Y'know, I have nothing against Porn. Don't get me wrong, occasionally I do watch smut (WebDate days) but now I only watch porn when my job requires it (which is not often) Ayuh, I've seen my fair share of smut but that's about it. Frankly, I'm neither repulsed nor turned-on by smut if that's what you're getting at, you dirty boy. I usually turn those offers down not because I'm a tight-assed prude but because it takes a lot of skills to make a decent porn rev. Skills that unfortunately, I gotz none.

Believe it or not, I've always known that I somewhat suck at writing. .

See, I was a porn review writer once, got fired because I pretty much sucked at it, went home to re-evaluate my career choices, licked my wounds *sniff, sniff* then got hired again by another account. The funny part was that it was the first writing gig I ever had and I got burned real bad, paare. Now, most people would say, "So you got burned once, big deal. Give it another go!" Unlike some people I know, who relentlessly brags about being a bona-fhayd "porn writer" and would love to talk about it every chance he/she gets, that's not how I roll.

And let's not forget the bottom line: Porn and I, we don't mesh well.

Anyway, a good friend came knocking on my door and asked me if I want to give porn another try. My initial reaction was to immediately say "No" but he and I go way back and I'm somewhat reluctant to really say no to him cuz he's such a teddy bear (... and persistent and stubborn and has a way of making Porn sound like Utopia, a land of plenty where even very air we breathe smells like monies. Lots and lots of monies.... I love monies... MMmmmMm....) That, plus, he and I are currently working on a project that involves me, my frustrations over work and comics. I'll post the fruit of our labor as soon as he's done with it, yo! Well come to think of it, I do need to find other means to fund my vices...

Damn. What's a girl to do?

The Office From Hell

Quite unexpectedly, I had a very in-teh-resting day yesterday. See, I suddenly felt the need to broaden my horizon by checking out what other opportunities are there for me. I soon discovered how much my present company spoiled me rotten.

I scored an interview somewhere in the Maka-tay area, what fun, right? Well, I was running a bit late for my first job interview in almost 2 years. As soon as I arrived, I noticed that I wasn't nervous at all.

You see kids, Interviews usually makes me jittery cuz there's a high probability that I'd make a total fool out of myself but how curious it is that not a smidgen of nervousness rattled my cold black heart. Hmmm... something's up.

So when I finally went up to this company, I immediately noticed how cramped the prod area was. Everything was new by the way, the pcs, the wall paper (a stark combination of Blue and White, hatez itz) It's too quiet, considering that it's already 5 in the afternoon and horrors of horrors, there's no yosi area (Damn, you Iweb! You ruined me!!!!!)

The in-teh-resting part was not the place but the interview itself. After quickly deciding that I hate the place, I must do everything in my power NOT to get hired. The interview lasted for 30 minutes (methinks) and wala akong ginawa kundi mag-kupal. Mind you, My goal was to sound like a polite ass. Now, you might think I exaggerated a little with my answers, but lemme tell you something: I never exaggerate. Weird lang talaga ang mga tanong. I mean, I don't know if it really has been this long that nag-iba na ang mga usual na questions sa interviews but I don't really recall being asked about menstrual cramps and shit like that in my previous interviews before.

Why did you write: "I'd like to think I'm healthy" on the form?
Tina: Cuz I haven't had med check-up for like, years and years and years. As far as I'm concerened, I'm healthy.

Do you suffer from menstrual cramps?
Tina: I'm sorry?

Y'know, when it's that time of the month when...
Tina: Uh... sometimes?

How do you deal with it?
Tina: Oh I don't know. I ignore the pain?

Good. How about migraine?
Tina: Well yes. There was this time when I worked for *******

What triggers your migraine?
Tina: Uhhh... I don't know. But I heard that coffee and chocolates are the usual culprits.

How did you deal with it?
Tina: Went home and popped a sleeping pill.

Ulcer?
Tina: I do have gastritis...

How severe is it?
Tina: Well, not really a big cause of concern.

Why did you decide to leave your old company?
Tina: I haven't really left. I'm just out here to test the water. Honestly, I have nothing bad to say about the people I work with. If anything, I'm inlove with my company. It's just that I want more money. And a promotion.

You never got promoted?
Tina: I did. The thing was I got promoted but my salary wasn't adjusted because of a loophole in the system. We work in different accounts, that sort of thing. It's kind of complicated to explain. But just the same, I want another promotion. No point going around in circles, don't you agree?

Yes, so... how much do you make?
Tina ********* (snicker, snicker) net.

Such big leap from earning only this much to expect this much salary range?
Tina: Yes it is, yes it is... because I'm ambitious.

Nothing wrong with that. (subtly hid her face using my resume) Is this negotiable?
Tina: Uhh... no.

Oh, non-negotiable?
Tina: Well see, the form says I should put my minimum expected salary range. That's my minimum expected salary range.

We work 6 days a week. We don't observe Halloween and Semana Santa. Plus you can't have your day off on a weekend
Tina: Huh. (Waw, parang Mercury Drugs lang pala dito eh)

Are you okay with that? But even if we do have work on holidays we get paid for it. What about in your company, do you work 6 days a week?
Tina: (mentally screamed: Are you freakin' retarded? Just because you guys work 6 days a week doesn't mean every goddamned company in this side of the world does the same! I hatez youz! I hatez youz! I hatez youz! ) Huh. Well, no. We only work 5 days a week. Frankly, the whole 6 days a week thing doesn't sit well with me since I do visit my parents once or twice a month.

Ah so, your off is on weekends?
Tina: Uh... yeah?

You only get the "privilege" of two days off if you become a regular employee here.
Tina: Huh.

*The End*

Off to the prod area I went. Slaved away on a series of tests for three hours. I sat for three long hours and it dawned on me that nobody and I mean, nobody was talking to each other at all. It was around 7 in the evening and nobody was speaking to each other. Not even Satan himself can get a rise from these guys! Nobody went down for a smoke or bought snacks, nobody was taking their eyes off their monitors and the last straw? Internet was not required.

I suddenly missed my opti-mouse.

Head In The Clouds

Oh, poop. It's only about 10:00 in the morning as I'm writing this and I'm uber bored. Who the fuck gets bored at 10 in the morning?!

Anyhoots, just wanna say I'm writing without enthusiasm, which is becoming more and more often. I updated my blog because I wanted to make it a point to write new posts every Monday (which is too much to handle right now)

Now I think I kinda have an idea while I'm feeling less-than-stellar today. My awesome weekend is to blame. You see, me and a bunch of friends went to Antipolo and celebrated Rhae and Rene's birthday. In between singing our hearts' out, them drinking like a fish and me, eating my way halfway through the core of the Earth, it was fantastic. We even went as far as creating a synchronized-swimming performance. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for someone to upload the damn video already so that I can show y'all how hard we rock on land and even better, on water, cuntrags!

So now that I'm back in Cubicleland, doing cool stuffs like, picking my nose, flossing my teeth and throwing this: at my FezBuk friends (I know, I know... I'm livin' on the edge, bitches!), I'm bored shitless.

Pardon my lack of witty punchline today. Damn Mondays to HELL!!!!

Pirated Na DVD

Tina: BENNY BAKLA!!! *runs like a "girl", nadapa, tumayo, tumakbo ulit... hides behind a boulder*
Benny: *umiiiyak na parang lalake lang* Huhuhu... pare, making asar me!
Tina: EAT BALLS! *sabay bato ng fish balls sa noo ni Benny*
Tina: *Tas humabol ang hotsauce na nasa garapon pa*
Benny: *Fish ball sinalo ng bunganga ko*
Tina: *Hot sauce sinalo ng itlog ni Benny*

********

Tina: I still wants me some donuts! Make libre me! I had a tewible week last week...
Benny: Ayaw. Triple patty lang ililibre ko sa yo
Tina: But I must not ruin my svelte figure
Benny: Svelte mo ilong mo!
Tina: Teabag mo etits mo ulol!
Benny: If only I could...
Tina: Waw, parang kadiri lang ah.

********

Tina: Na-kwento ko bang nakipag-away ako sa muslim nung Friday?
Benny: Baaaakit?
Tina: Inaway nya ako sa Saint Francis Square, inaway ko din.
Benny: Dahil?
Tina: Ummm... sa pirated cd's... kakahiyaaaa... *melted out of shame*
Benny: Bakit ka inaway? Nagnakaw ka ba?
Tina: Tarantado ka ba? At bakit ako magnanakaw ng PIRATED DVDS?! Anung rason ko para magnakaw ng PIRATED DVDS? DAMN YOU!!!!!!!
Benny: Ewan ko. Ang vague mo eh...
Benny: Bat nga?
Tina: Heeeheeeheee... alam ko kasing chismoso ka.
Benny: "Concerned" lang po.

Word.

Yez, I'm Funneh As Hell, Bitches!

First off, before I start another one of my legendary verbal diarrhea, I just wanna say I'm feeling a wee bit under the weather right now. Who knows, mebbe I'm finally dying. Anyways, If I sound extra whiny then you know why... must be the chicken I ate last night.

I was again, supposed to publish an entirely different post today pero nadiskaril ang plano ko when I was idly checking out my Technorati profile or whatever you wanna call it. That's actually great news for you guys kasi, I was originally planning on boring you shitless with one of my rare senti blog-a-thon moments. Good call, McRey.

You see kids, My "lovely little blog" made it to McRey's Top 5 Hilarious Blogs. I'm assuming that his heart was captivated by my Pork en Chop Chronicles.

A few kind words from The Marijuana Den:

"... 3. The Mundane Side of the Road - "Expounding On The Mediocre Since 2006" basahin niyo na lang...tag line pa lang pamatay na. Ultimo everyday conversation eh nosebleed english pa... Witty and Bitchy. Funny! Nyahahaha... Oras na basahin, tatawa ka na lang ng walang dahilan - ganyan kalakas ang powers ni Tina."

Touching, isn't it? Thanks man, that really means a lot! Now, I think he was participating in a contest *coughBadoodlescough*, where you're supposed to nominate your choices of humorous blogs and I really want to show McRey some love cuz not only does he read my shitty blog and even gave me an award for it not too long ago, he actually finds me funny so that's saying a lot.

But I realized something as I was browsing through my blogroll, konti lang pala ang komedyante sa listahan ko and I was only able to come up with three funneh blogsites. I'm hoping this guy won't disqualify my votes, cuz I'll be disappointed and I'm sick and shit too *beautiful eyes*

I heard that you can actually nominate yourself but I plan not to cuz I feel out of sorts right now (Whuuut?) Anyhoo, here's my top 3:

Top 3 Funneh Blog

Marijuana Den
The Badly Written Sitcom
Ayanstein's Laboratory

If you guys wanna participate just like I did, check out the contest details Up My Ass

Meanwhile, I'll try not to die before this day ends.

Stranded and Getting Punched in the Schnoz

Last Friday was definitely as fun as it was oddly surprising. The night started innocently enough, We celebrated Rhae's birthday with a chocolate cake and was supposed to be homebound by 11:00 PM. Well, someone had a bright idea: Why don't we go to Tagaytay after the pseudo-party? We did. Bad Idea.

Fast-forward, We were half-way to Tagaytay around 2:00 in the morning, happily chatting about ghost and the dim possibility of getting stranded on the road when the unthinkable actually happened.

On the darkest, scariest part of the road, our car wheezed a couple of times, stalled, and went totally silent. Rhae and Hannah, both having third-eyes, began to nervously giggle and squirmed in their seats while I, on the other hand, was half-dozing in the backseat. I woke up with a start, put two and two together in the dark and thought of lots of possibilities


You see, not only is this the first time in many, many years I went out on a road trip but also the first time I experienced being marooned in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of the night. Simply put, I was mildly alarmed. My only consolation was we've got our mobile phones, I have my stun gun (yes, I do carry around a stun gun, folks) and even a ZTE broadband phone (which later, proved to be useless since everyone we tried calling up was asleep)

There were only 4 of us, John the designated driver, yours truly, Rhae the birthday celebrant and Hannah. 3 girls and 1 boy. We got out of the car, tried our damnedest to figure out what the fuck's going on, realized nobody knows a thing about car trouble and tried to ask help from cars that were passing us by (which were almost nonexistent). We gave up after 30 minutes, calmed our frazzled nerves and figure out a plan.

One shinning moment, somebody stirred in a nearby house and we begged that he take a look at the engine. Thankfully the guy knows a thing or two about car trouble, he tweaked, prodded here and there, and came into the conclusion that we ran out of oil. Exasperated, John laid out a plan: Hitch a ride, head to a nearby petrol station, get oil. While us girls, go inside the car, lock the doors and windows, be extra-vigilant and wait it out. He scored a ride pretty soon and we were left twiddling our thumbs.

As soon as he was gone, we got out of the car and checked the damn engine ourselves and tried several times to start up it up. Alas, the car was so far gone and we gave up. 40 minutes later, John came back with a couple liters of oil. We were about to do our respective victory dances but after we filled the car with oil, the car still won't start. Tried several times but it. Just. Won't Start. Now we got frustrated, I headed in the backseat, got comfortable and tried catch a snooze figuring we'd be stuck well until the daylight comes.

Amazingly our salvation came an hour later, a cab driver helped us out, checked the engine, found out our trouble was caused by a busted Timing Belt. We had no choice but to be pulled back to Manila. Arrived in Ortigas at around 6 fucking AM. The end. As nerve-wracking as the situation was, we actually had fun. Strangely, it was quite nice to be put in unfamiliar situations like this once in a while.

On a lighter and totally unrelated subject, me and my sister got into a friendly little scuffle last night. She "accidentally" punched me square in the schnoz. It was actually hard enough to make my eyes water. I rolled around the bed while yelling "Not the schnoz! Not the schnoz!!! " then when she tried to check my nose, I "accidentally" smacked her on the head... Oh, good times!

Breaking The Monotony

Warming up for a new entry. Taena, I've never written anything for a long time na ah. To break the monotony, check this out! It's a hilarious video on how Spiderman 3 should've ended. Hahaha! Enjoy!

The ending is better, no?

Monday Blues, Beggone!

Hay, the holidays came and went so fast. Wish I could've stayed home longer.

Breaking news: Osama bin Laden, sighted!

Tina: Man. I'm freezing my balls off... if I have balls, that is.
Benny: Sure you do.
Tina: Imaginary balls, parang sayo lang. o_0
Tina: ZING.

*******

Tina: Venny Venny Vevenny Banana-bana Vevenny, Peach Pie Vevenny... Venny!
Benny: ...

*******

Tina: Hmft. Hindi na kita bati tas di na kayu magkakatuluyan ni ******** tas wala nang ibu-bully yung anak ko kasi vrgin ka pa din FOREVER!!!!
Benny: Ok. Ako naman.
Benny: *clears throat*
Benny: Masisira blog mo dahil may mga virus yung mga widget na nilalagay mo, tapos ispa-spam siya ng WebDate. Tapos dahil dun, mawawala na ang title mo ng zexxxy beast (mapupunta sa akin) tapos hindi ka na magkaka-anak!!!!

Pang-alis ng Monday Blues

Mixed Nuts

Yes I'm still alive. Before anything else, this entry will be crammed full of random shit cuz 1) I'm too lazy to make one post for each subject 2) I suddenly found myself unable to do so eversince CannedThoughts came into my midst and 3) It's my fucking blog, cut me some slack.

Okay, so last Saturday, despite getting harassed by some bands I'd rather not mention and getting pissed over the liqour-ban thing that we didn't see coming, it was a smashing success! I'd like to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to all the bands that participated, for our COO and officemates who showed support by showing up and for friends who made it to the event! Salamat ng beri meni! Mabuhay ang Musikang Pinoy!

 

Second: I was one of the recipient of Arajaya Awards that showcases "ze hilariously hilarious ideas of bloggers that reflect the modern human society" That's right people, I'm a proud Arajaya winner, how cool is that?! To McRey, I'm very much honored and I thank you for taking the time to read my shitty little blog! Trust that I'll make you proud by ensuring sparsely interjected humor in each and every post that I make to bring justice to the award you have so kindly bestowed upon me! Thank you! Thank you, Mabuhay ang Pelepens!

The Arajaya AwardsThird: The benevolent Parisukat tagged me. Alas, he got me good too. I'm in for The Seven Truths About Me tag so here goes nuthin':

1) Most of my friends says I'm a wretched bitch but personally, I think I'm not. Lapitin lang ako sa away.
2) I've always wanted to be a cartoonist when I was a kid. Sadly, I became a writer instead.
3) I hate being the "leader". I hate the responsibility that comes with it, I hate the thought of being counted on for anything and I don't have the patience to put up with other people's bullshit. That's why growing up, I don't want to be a class officer. That's one of the reason why in as much as I love our new site, I secretly resent CannedThoughts.
4) In my mind, I have killed many people. But I'm not alone on this, I think.
5) I hold grudges. It's something I've always tried on working on. I look forward to the day when I can finally, sincerely, forgive a person.
6) I've always wondered about Extra-Terrestial life.
7) Sometimes it disturbs me how apathetic I am of other people.

But enough about me, moving on:

Fourth: I got a sweet treat from Kero! Yeah, for the second time around people! Man, this is an honor, indeed! Thank you so much dear!

I'm off to ze province for a much-needed break from all the slack I've been getting myself into. God knows how much I'm looking forward to that! No internet for a week! A whole week! Ilovet!!!! Happy Halloween, people! Muah!

 

 

The Save Tina Foundation

*Update: Happy Bertdey To Roschie!!!*

Still Promoting: I'll do a double-post. Meanwhile, check out the latest from Canned Thoughts: Revealed Secrets by the Net Fairy., The Beast Master writes his NBA Season Preview, Fire In The Hole by Sunrise Shotgun, Lord Steven for Local Horror Flick Goes Hollywood, and Let's head up North! by Jeo, yes you read it right . After much begging and bawlin' I managed to convince Jeo to write for Canned Thoughts! That feat alone deserves a Noble Peace Prize... susunod ka na, Ayan!


And remember guys: Link us up, let us know and we will add you up in our blogroll tew! Also, for some folks who's curious enough to ask, we are currently updating the site on Tuesdays and Fridays. There.

But wait, there's more!

Sabado na yan mga kapatid. Sana makarating kayo.
Line-Up: Monkey Drive, Sundown, Ducks Entertainment, Pentavia, Live Tilapia, FMD, The Chongkeys, Descant Gott, Eliana's Theory

Venue: Freedom Bar (Anonas)
Ticket: 120 Php inclusive of one (1) beer and will be available at the venue itself.
Show starts: at 9:00 pm- 3am. See you guys. Ang pumunta may libreng kiss galing kay Tado!

All proceed will go to The Save Tina Foundation,



 

CannedThoughts.net is ON!!!

It's finally up and running! Thank God for small favors. Kids, me a bunch of friends put up a brand-spankin' new site, CannedThoughts.net! Anything from weird facts to interesting shit are gonna be featured here!

.:: CannedThoughts.net ::.

On our maiden journey, we've got Kill Ernest and his Top Five List of Dead Musicians, Sunrise Shotgun pondering on The Lost Art Of Drinking Glamorously, Melted Neuron for Hollywood's Good- Doers. and found on the net, an interesting article about The 6 Most Terrifying Foods In The World! We are also featuring the impressive work of photographer, Nino Coliamco!

Oh and by the way, we are all for link exchanges so:

Link Us Up and We'll Include You, Yes You, In Our Blog Roll!

 

Drugs Are The Devil

Update: Gots me another award courtesy of ze lovely Kathycot!

Ayuh, I never thought I'd see the day when somebody would actually acknowledge my fabulousness (clearly I'm a little baffled myself)! This is my third award, yay! Thank you dear! I should pass this award right? Yeah, well I'll pass this award to: the fab Ody, cynic chick Cams, the lovely Enna, my good friend Edce (who, for some weird reason, deleted her blog. Hope you're reading this, dear.) and to Hannah (maybe this award will cheer you up, you won't have to make threats of offing yourself, yes?) Stay fabulous, bitches!

Damn. I know models are pretty much not known for being smart and all that jazz but I certainly didn't expect some to be this blind.

Here's the scenario: A guy did some fancy acrobatic shit that includes prancing around the runway with a samurai (Wushu, I think), he made a hugeass hole while at it. You'd think a gaping hole like that would stand out like a sore thumb for everyone to see but nooo... here comes this girl who might've thought "Dude I'm so high right now, I doubt if the law of physics could stop me from flying right through this damn hole"

Well, laughing at models doing something hilarious never really gets old..

Got blow?

Spot The Retard

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

It's A Rock Show, Y'all!

Yep, I'm still alive and ready to haunt you shitless! You must be a wee bit curious what the fuck's going on with this picture of Her Oiliness, Tado (Live Tilapia) and drunken Schpetey (as well as the soundtrack, if I may add). Wait! I can explain!

Her Oiliness, Tado and Drunken Schpetey

I'm here to promote something. Forced Issue Productions has cooked up something very special for the coming Halloween! It's a rock show, y'all!

And you'd think I'm not the type who does anything productive and all, hahaha! I do more than wasting away here in my little desk afterall, no?

The soundtrack you're hearing right now is entitled "Diksyonaryo" by The Chonkeys and I promised Yohan that I'm gonna promote their awesome album out early next year. Not only are dem one of our favorite band to feature because they really deliver, I'm also a big fan of Ze Chonkeys! I kid you not, my friend. Below is another of their track I found at Imeem.com entitled, "Gabi ng Lagim"

Awesome, yeah? On October 27th (that's a Saturday in case anyone is interested to know) we are holding a show at Freedon Bar (Anonas) and we are promising good company, good food and most importantly awesome music! the band performing are as follows:

Monkey Drive
Sundown
Ducks Entertainment
Pentavia
Live Tilapia
The Chongkeys
FMD
Descant Gott
Eliana Theory

Show starts at 9:00, Tickets are 120 PHp inclusive of one beer and will be available either at the venue itself or you can contact Hannah at 0916-7411-178 . If you're an officemate, alam nyo naman kung nasan ako. Pakalat-kalat lang ako dyan sa fool area. So it's gonna be fun and shit!

I'll see your zexXxy ass, yeah?

Ovulating Si Pork

I'm feeling a bit jolly right now. Will do a double-post later kung binigay lang sakin ang lintek na poster Punyet... Anyways: I'm featuring Rosch this time para maiba naman.

Rosch: ... and it's just not him kc yung may sakit. Pati mom nya, parehas cla.
Tina: Tsktsk...
Rosch: ... and they both need to it agad... the med help... kc sobrang late na yung stage yata eh
Tina: How the fuck did he get into this schiz anyways? Hereditary?
Rosch: I think so...
Tina: Kasi kung chronic kidney failure it's something that they are continually inducing, chong. That stuff is the culpritness.
Tina: I just know it. I see it all the time sa House. So I'm practically a doctor too
Tina: House would be proud of me. I'd be his bitch.

******

Benny: Btw, I'm considering BennyLava.com as my domain name.
Tina: That's cool. I like it better than TheMagicalTumbong.com
Tina: Can you come up with a nice category name for celeb news?
Benny: Ano ba yung dati?
Tina: In The Limelight

(thinks for 5 minutes)

Benny: The Limelight
Tina: Waw, grabe pare... nag-melt ang brain ko sa sobrang creative mo
Benny: I know right?
Tina: I was blown away
Tina: Use your fucking imagination, why dontcha?

******

Benny: Anyway, uwi na ako :|
Tina: Uwi ka na? Aga naman?
Benny: I'm ovulating.
Tina: Ooohhhh... At kelan ka pa nagka-matris, puta kah?!
Benny: Nasa may puyo ko sa ulo
Benny: Ayan...lumalabas na ang mga itlog!!!
Benny: Sige, paalam

Salud!

Filipino Convicts: To The Tune Of Que Rico Mambo

I was supposed to write about me, spending the weekend plowing through a traditional 12- course meal somewhere in the Manila area (yes you read that right 12 fucking course... If anyone is interested to know: I fucking survived it, bitches! 3 soups, 3 desserts and 6 main courses (?) later, I'm still standing) It's one of the many fun things about being a half-breed (ampao, tikoy and Peking Duck). Well, it was fun while it lasted. There were however, a few fleeting moments where I felt I'm about to barf if poked in the wrong way but thank God I managed to keep my shit together and I, once again, stands victorious! That story would've been fun, no?

But then I chanced upon this and wouldn't you know it, I ditched all efforts to dish out my mind-numbing story.

Oh, hell no. The convicts are at it again. This time dancing to the tune of "Que Rico Mambo". No, I kid you not. I repeat: to the tune of "Que Rico Mambo" You can't make up this kind of schiz, y'know. Don't let me interrupt.

It's silly, it's impressive and it's... mind-boggling. It makes you want to go to the Philippines and commit crime, no? I jest, I jest!