I scored an interview somewhere in the Maka-tay area, what fun, right? Well, I was running a bit late for my first job interview in almost 2 years. As soon as I arrived, I noticed that I wasn't nervous at all.
You see kids, Interviews usually makes me jittery cuz there's a high probability that I'd make a total fool out of myself but how curious it is that not a smidgen of nervousness rattled my cold black heart. Hmmm... something's up.
So when I finally went up to this company, I immediately noticed how cramped the prod area was. Everything was new by the way, the pcs, the wall paper (a stark combination of Blue and White, hatez itz) It's too quiet, considering that it's already 5 in the afternoon and horrors of horrors, there's no yosi area (Damn, you Iweb! You ruined me!!!!!)The in-teh-resting part was not the place but the interview itself. After quickly deciding that I hate the place, I must do everything in my power NOT to get hired. The interview lasted for 30 minutes (methinks) and wala akong ginawa kundi mag-kupal. Mind you, My goal was to sound like a polite ass. Now, you might think I exaggerated a little with my answers, but lemme tell you something: I never exaggerate. Weird lang talaga ang mga tanong. I mean, I don't know if it really has been this long that nag-iba na ang mga usual na questions sa interviews but I don't really recall being asked about menstrual cramps and shit like that in my previous interviews before.
Why did you write: "I'd like to think I'm healthy" on the form?
Tina: Cuz I haven't had med check-up for like, years and years and years. As far as I'm concerened, I'm healthy.
Do you suffer from menstrual cramps?
Tina: I'm sorry?
Y'know, when it's that time of the month when...
Tina: Uh... sometimes?
How do you deal with it?
Tina: Oh I don't know. I ignore the pain?
Good. How about migraine?
Tina: Well yes. There was this time when I worked for *******
What triggers your migraine?
Tina: Uhhh... I don't know. But I heard that coffee and chocolates are the usual culprits.
How did you deal with it?
Tina: Went home and popped a sleeping pill.
Ulcer?
Tina: I do have gastritis...
How severe is it?
Tina: Well, not really a big cause of concern.
Why did you decide to leave your old company?
Tina: I haven't really left. I'm just out here to test the water. Honestly, I have nothing bad to say about the people I work with. If anything, I'm inlove with my company. It's just that I want more money. And a promotion.
You never got promoted?
Tina: I did. The thing was I got promoted but my salary wasn't adjusted because of a loophole in the system. We work in different accounts, that sort of thing. It's kind of complicated to explain. But just the same, I want another promotion. No point going around in circles, don't you agree?
Yes, so... how much do you make?
Tina ********* (snicker, snicker) net.
Such big leap from earning only this much to expect this much salary range?
Tina: Yes it is, yes it is... because I'm ambitious.
Nothing wrong with that. (subtly hid her face using my resume) Is this negotiable?
Tina: Uhh... no.
Oh, non-negotiable?
Tina: Well see, the form says I should put my minimum expected salary range. That's my minimum expected salary range.
We work 6 days a week. We don't observe Halloween and Semana Santa. Plus you can't have your day off on a weekend
Tina: Huh. (Waw, parang Mercury Drugs lang pala dito eh)
Are you okay with that? But even if we do have work on holidays we get paid for it. What about in your company, do you work 6 days a week?
Tina: (mentally screamed: Are you freakin' retarded? Just because you guys work 6 days a week doesn't mean every goddamned company in this side of the world does the same! I hatez youz! I hatez youz! I hatez youz! ) Huh. Well, no. We only work 5 days a week. Frankly, the whole 6 days a week thing doesn't sit well with me since I do visit my parents once or twice a month.
Ah so, your off is on weekends?
Tina: Uh... yeah?
You only get the "privilege" of two days off if you become a regular employee here.
Tina: Huh.
*The End*
Off to the prod area I went. Slaved away on a series of tests for three hours. I sat for three long hours and it dawned on me that nobody and I mean, nobody was talking to each other at all. It was around 7 in the evening and nobody was speaking to each other. Not even Satan himself can get a rise from these guys! Nobody went down for a smoke or bought snacks, nobody was taking their eyes off their monitors and the last straw? Internet was not required.
I suddenly missed my opti-mouse.
Nyehehehehee... oo nga eh. Actually I was really taken aback by those questions eh.
ReplyDeleteAyuh, Hale sucks! Vocals sucks, the melody sucks and the lyrics of their songs are too damned confusing too! Hahahah! Thanks for stopping by, Ody :)
ReplyDeleteOh God, for an old timer like me reading your interview just made remember the shit I had to go through to land a job.
ReplyDeleteI remembered the time that I was interviewed in this really nice-looking boutique ad agency. They used to handle PAL and some other blue chip accounts. I really had a great interview. The guy who interviewed told me that I never had to take the qualifying exams based on my portfolio. But as his final question, he asked me, "In order for me to consider you as part of our team, would you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?"
I looked at him and was waiting for him to say "I was joking".
Apparently, he wasn't.
@Paratwa: Taena, seryoso ba yan? Hahahah!!!!
ReplyDelete