:| II

I was just about done Christmas shopping. It has been so long since I shopped for Christmas alone. This year, I had to.  This year is a little different too, in terms of celebrating this fine, fine holiday. Yes, I will be coming home for Christmas. But I will not be celebrating it at my parents' house. I'm not really dreading the holidays but I am not looking forward to it either. I just want to get this thing over with, you know?

My mom's been nagging me about coming home for a while now. Even my aunt (her sister) has been nagging me about it. What I do plan is to go home, dump all the gifts I bought and spend the holidays alone. That doesn't mean I'd have a bad time spending my supposed "favoritest" holiday ever. I just want peace and quiet, away from people who's been nothing but a source of stress to me.

I used to live for Christmas shopping. Most people don't know this but I love giving gifts. Christmas is a great excuse to splurge and just spread some cheer. This year, I think it's gonna be a joyless celebration for me. Do I feel sad about that? Not the tiniest bit. I don't feel compelled to surround myself with friends. I don't feel the need to interact with people I've known all my life. I certainly don't care to make peace with people who don't deserve peace. Unfortunately, people won't shut up when it's Christmas. They automatically think just because it's the fucking holiday all is well and good. It's not. It will be the same day as it was the night before. Or the night after. And the night after that. Sorry, I'm rambling.

The point is, I'm so not looking forward to this. However, I want this thing over and done with. Quick and painless.

:|

Things are not good, at least as far as I'm concerned. Certain things have happened months ago and it has been a constant struggle. I guess this is what I get for trying to please everyone. I've come to accept that there will be darker days. It's kinda new to me. I was never the type who dread December and now that I do, I don't know what will come out of it. Things between me and the sister is not good. It never got better and it annoys the heck out of me. This thing, I have going on, it brought out the worst in her.

The things between me and the boyf, I'd like to keep that private . My work is too difficult to do these days. I hate that nothing is going my way and to top it all off, I haven't done my Christmas shopping yet. That, and I lost my phone. Things have been very sucky lately.

Weirdly enough, I feel that I forcibly isolated myself from people. I do not see my friends anymore. I suddenly got too busy with everything. And I'm never busy. Now that I am, in fact, truly busy, I hate it. Sometimes I wish things were a bit simpler. Maybe I need a new hobby. I'm not having fun anymore.

Not Self-Serving At All.

Ulol.

In love and life in general

*Emo to mga bakla. Fair warning lang*

I got a boyfriend now. We became a couple while going back from a short trip to Tagaytay. Now, for someone who has been single most of her life, this is a huge, not to mention unthinkable, leap for me. I have many issues when it comes to relationships and that’s mainly the reason why I didn’t really try hard enough to be with anyone. Being with someone just scares the living daylights out of me, you know? I do not like depending on someone for anything because I might get used to it. There are no guarantees that they will be there always. You know how it is with love and all the risks that come with it.

I really thought I was way too jaded to handle any form of relationship with any man. I guess it helped that I’m definitely no sentimental fool. I used to not get swayed with thoughts of romance and all that bullshit but something changed, man.

Love is a funny thing, really. After having a horrendous 2009, I vowed that I would make 2010 better. My initial plan was to move back to the city, re-connect with old friends and just repair the damages years spent on being angry has caused.

I’d like to think my plan was a success and this kind of resulted in a nice surprise. I fell in love. Now, I will say that I certainly did not expect to be in love with anyone much more do stuff to nurture the relationship I have with that person. In fact, being with someone was the farthest thing from my mind. I did not want it and honestly, I did not think I need it. My track record speaks for itself. I was very determined on avoiding  dating and my plan was to stay single for a long, long time. However, I did  fell in love and I’m now neck-deep in sentimental shit that used to make me gag not too long ago. Now I smile alone often and it is weirding Dimitri out.

He is an extremely wonderful person and I count my lucky stars that I finally came around and took a chance at being happy. It’s a nice change, I’m no longer as angry at the world as I used to be. I, for the first time, see things differently.

It’s very hard to articulate what I feel about him or what I want to do in order to make him happy but I will do my darnedest. To be quite honest, I didn’t really expect him to turn into my boyfriend. As I got to know him, however, I admired him for the person that he was and loved the person that he is now. It’s really hard to explain. I can’t quite say for sure when it started but I’m glad because making an important choice such as this felt right and natural.

I’m also realistic. I know it’s not all about rainbows and butterflies. I’m aware that relationships require work, endless compromise and understanding. Again, I will my best. I know he deserves the best of me and well, we’ve been friends for so long I’m pretty sure he can put up with my worst. I’m happy there’s someone out there who I can turn to for comfort, laughter, and everything else in between. I do feel wary about depending on anyone for anything and I will not lie and say I’ve let go of that fear. But I’m working on it.

It’s scary because you know, once you give your heart to someone, you can’t have it back. If you do manage to get it back, it’s never the same, sometimes it will come in pieces. That’s a scary thought, something that I cannot, for many years, get over with. Again, I’m working on it.

I guess, 2010 is not all about reconnection after all. It’s mostly about me learning lessons, reconciling with the past and experiencing things for the first time. I’m extremely pleased. Will shut up nao.

Barahan

Konting emo: I'm officially seeing someone. Exclusively. I'm nervous and excited about the whole thing because the idea of being with someone is so alien to me. I hope everything will turn as great as I think it would be :)

Work has been really, really crazy. It still frustrates me than one person in the team messed up and we are expected to answer collectively for it. It sucks. I now understand why  some people are resigned to work home-based forever, they wouldn't last a fucking day in an office-based work. The boss is still on a rampage and I believe he will make good of his threats that he'll fire everyone's asses if things do not go as planned. I stopped caring after I wrote a couple of strong-worded emails directed to the guy who started all the trouble. Kainis but well, that's life. Tangina nyong lahat.

Because my job is hanging by a thread, I'm forced to abstain from shopping. It sucked because I'm scheduled for an all-out Forever21 shopping spree this week but I had to control my expenses. And I saw this perfect couch that I really, really wanted to buy. It's so unfair! My life, so hard!

I'll be in Cavite for the first time tomorrow to accompany a certain important person. I heard Cavite is far but how far is far?

Retarded FB Catfight

I live for FB catfights! Eyelovet!

FYI: Both person involved are college friends of mine

Monday Mania

I was off to Hannah's place Monday night to attend their biz' blessing of sorts. Because Paeng and I were so not looking forward on chit-chatting with people we do not know, we ended up going a bit later than promised. Initially, I only wanted to stay for an hour but a few other friends came and we ended up staying at ungodly hours talking about stuff ranging from matters of the heart to ghosts.

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While I'm not the type who gets easily scared off of supernatural occurrences (I did experienced a couple of strange shit, so there) but I absolutely hate it when we had to talk about such things at 3 AM. Seriously, who talk about ghosts and demons at 3 in the fucking morning?

Nakaka-praning!

So yes, I have to admit, I was quietly having a nervous breakdown. But well, it's all good. We left at around 5 in the morning and I somehow ended up having breakfast with Kapre. We met up with Chairman a few minutes later and that's how a seemingly-endless night (and morning) ended.

Domestic Issues: You May Stop Reading If You Wish

I was right though, my sister was having a nervous breakdown of her own.The story is, she thought I was just gonna stick around the event for an hour but well, one thing led to another. I'm partly at fault because I made the mistake of telling her precisely what time I think I would be coming home and she took my word for it. However, when it seemed likely that I was to come home late, I left her a couple of messages, telling her all about it so she won't be worried.

Unfortunately, she left her mobile phone in her office and waited for me to come home and stuff. Naturally, she got more and more paranoid and had to find ways to contact me. She got in touch with a cousin who called me that night and I told her to tell my sister I will be coming home later than expected and that I'm in the company of friends so she has nothing to be worried about.

The clincher was, though she got my cousin to talk to me, she, for some reason, didn't tell my sister that what we talked about.  So in the end, my sister didn't get any of my messages until I showed up around 6:30 in the morning. Blew her top. Totally.

Now, I know she's concerned and stuff but I think I totally did what was expected to be done  if one cannot make it to home at the exact time promised.

It just annoys me because I'm a worry wart as well but she is getting ridiculous at times. It's funny because she knew the people I was with and though certain stuff went against our favor, I left her a couple of message telling her about the possibility of coming home late so I cannot see why she would get so freakin' mad when clearly, the situation was beyond our control. So now she is demanding that I give her all the numbers of my friends.

The fact is, if we swapped places, I wouldn't even be half as crazy as she was being. There were a couple of times where she went home late herself and she didn't tell me anything nor did she took the liberty to send me a message and each time I managed to be good-humored about it.

Next time I go out, I would just leave a note saying Time of Arrival: Indefinite para walang usapan. Hay. To "consider" my sister's feelings, I plan to not stay out too late from now on. Just so she could ease up on the paranoia. God, it feels like I never moved out of my parents' home at all.

On a  totally unrelated note, aimed at no one in particular, something is amiss and I can't quite put my finger on it. Something's telling me things are not the way it used to be and I'm hoping I'm wrong.

In Tha (Fan) Club

I got talked into joining the Jovit Baldovino Fan page by one of my close buddies. While I do not know Jovit Baldovino from Jovit Moya, Ed promised me it'll be fun and stuff.

Actually, walang point tong post na to na-touch lang ako sa introduction ni Ed. He lied though,the truth is  I was a bigass flaming bitch in college but I appreciate the gesture.

Haven't seen the guy in almost two years and my gosh, I miss hanging out with him.

Finally!

Our new set of matress and bed frame just came! Hopefully it will help relieve my back problems. Eyelovet!

P.S. How'd you like the bed sheets? Neat, huh? Didn't pick the body pillow covers, though. I hate that it does not match.

And yes, I painted the walls all by myself... because I'm such a cheapskate.

Strange Encounters

I had a rather strange encounter with the Angels last Friday. I can tell you it was definitely an emotionally-charged night no one expected.  Although I won't go into details I'd say some serious drama went down that night and totally caught everyone off guard.

Now, we are not exactly strangers to conflicts but this is just... different, nothing serious, just different. I'm pretty sure there is an untold story somewhere there and it is only a matter of time before someone woud clear the air. Here's to hoping it happens sooner than later just to, you know, preserve the damn peace. If I may borrow a friend's line: Na-misinterpret lang siguro ang lahat XD

Watta crazy night!

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We have re-connected with long-lost friends, made some memories, smoked up a storm and all that jazz.

Cheers!

Fishing Si Ate

Seryoso?! Kelangan talagang mag-fish ng compliments?

Operation: Make Over Tina's Seedy Apartment Phase III

So finally, phase two of Operation: Make over Tina's Seedy Apartment ends today. I not only learned to budget my monies, I also learned how to paint walls. It is an awesome, albeit tiring, experience. Phase three is already in the works, we have already purchased an awesome bed frame and an even more awesome mattress yesterday. Of course, it dented our savings pretty badly but we are doing the finishing touches and I suppose my concerns about my finances will have to take a backseat.

Now, I'm reading the last entry on my blog and I'm kind of amused at what I can write when I'm on sugar high. During the time I was painting our house, I kept a rigorous Brazo De Mercedez + Coke diet in order to do more stuff, sorta like taking uppers. So now that I'm back on my boring oats crackers + fried egg diet, I'm finding it interesting what verbal diarrhea I could come up with when my mind is whizzing. Maybe I should be on sugar high more often so I can start writing more brain farts, hahaha!

http://ph.news.yahoo.com/star/20100701/tel-dicaprio-here-august-dd408b0.html

Hate, I think, is mostly anger left simmering on a huge vat of clusterfuck for an extended period of time. In small doses, hate can will the mind to go on. On larger doses, it can destroy, not just the person but the people around him.

Many people tend to think hate is such a bad thing. Like it eats the insides and robs the soul of feelings. However, I know that hate is not such a bad thing at all. It does not weaken a person's resolve, it strengthens it. For the most part, hate can will a person to go on despite the trials and  tribulations that comes his way. I understand that hate can decay the soul but it can empower the mind. Hate wills one to survive when feelings start to drift off.

Sometimes being indifferent pays off. People are often too careless with their feelings and it make them weak. They let their feelings dictate what they should do in their lives and when things go batshit, they lose. On the other hand, I saw what has come of people who claim they are devoid of feelings. They only see things in black and white and though that is not necessarily a bad thing, they do lead a sad life.

I've been on a queer, introspective mood these past couple of weeks mostly because I've been feeling homesick. I'm tired. But then again, I hate too. I'm indescribably angry at people and sometimes I wonder when it will stop. Not that I want it to stop. In fact, I think hate is justifiable, particularly so if the subject of your ire never took the initiative to be the person he ought to be.

Sometimes I wish I was more of a sunny, shiny person. You know the type, forgiving, diplomatic, careless. I don't think I know precisely where sunny ended and cynicism started. I'm just sorting out my feelings at this point, the weather is willing me to do it.

A friend told me that I'm a very cold person, that despite the maniacal laugh and the friendly banter, I am a cunning, cold person. I think for the first time, one person outside my family knew what I'm really like. I wasn't offended at all, in fact, I was impressed because he saw right through me. He told me it wouldn't hurt to care more about other people but the thing that he does not understand is that it is hard for me to care. People have a label for that, a bitch. That's basically it. Caring is too careless and just like Sub-zero Nel, I chose to be cunning instead.

Sometimes I am caught by surprise how much people care so much. They don't seem to be faking it. Sometimes I do. Well, on a superficial level, I do care. But deep down I know I don't or at least not a normal person would. It's kind of weird and scary at the same time. I'm finding it hard to find the right words. I want to kick some ass today. I just thought about it, I literally want to kick ass, bash someone's teeth in and wipe my bloodied shoe on the wall and laugh, that's what I want. I wish I wasn't such a lazy cat and enroll in a Karate class or something so I can vent.

I hate quietly hating everything. Does that even make sense? People have their shit and they dump them off to others so that they can regroup and feel better about themselves, it's amusing to me. They look for meaning through other people's point of view when there is none.

People, after all, need people and sometimes, I can feel for the unfortunate prick how gets dumped on with shit. Ultimately, people with issues, those that let it out to other people, are just selfish. They choose to harp on and on, not minding the fact that they have been telling and re-telling the accounts of their lives to people who are not genuinely interested. I wonder why almost all people have the inherent need to be heard. Even those that claim that they don't. They do, they always do. It's one thing to let people in and know for a fact that what you have to say can infinitely change lives, like Obama, for instance. However, spewing nonsense is another.

Like this post *evil grin*

Operation Makeover Tina's Seedy Apartment Phase II

It's been a hella tiring week for me and it's barely Friday. Last Saturday, phase two of Operation Make over Tina's Seedy Apartment was in full swing. A couple of guy friends were nice enough to help me give my house a new coat of paint. Now, we are just putting finishing touches and hopefully by Sunday, every room will be verdant green, hehehehe.

My savings has been taking a lot of beating as of late. There are so many improvements to be made and I had to take care of most of it. I'm not really complaining because I know the end result is worth the monies I put into.

Our new bed will be rolling in this weekend, if things go according to plans. My sister is especially ecstatic about that. I'm looking forward on throwing away all our old bedsheets and buy fancy new ones, hihihihi!

I have so many, many plans. My brain is buzzing with so much activities at this point that I can barely hear anything.

Stalking

A guy from the past "friended" me on Facebook and my gosh, he turned out to be this hot, seksi, muscular hombre. So predictably,  I started stalking him, nyohohohoh! Well,  I wasn't really able to find anything substantial on his profile other than the fact that he rarely updates his FB page.

Tsk.

So he is my old/new crush. Old because in my younger, less cynic days, I actually found him attractive. But we haven't seen each other for almost a  decade so I got over his sexiness quickly. Not anymore, ahihihihihi! The only problem is, he is currently working overseas. Which means I can't ask him out.

Tsk.

Damn you, monies!!!

Anyhoo, work is boring as ever but I spent most of my time working on weekends because I'm too lazy during weekdays. I want to work my fingers to the bone to avoid working on weekdays. Does that even make sense?

I also had to bring my beloved lappy to Tosh's repair center because I had no choice. It started acting funky and I can't work with a funky computer. So far, haven't heard a peep from the repair men.

On a totally unrelated note, I'm about to start phase two of Operation Improve Tina's Seedy Apartment by asking  a  couple of guy friends to help me paint our walls next weekend. Both of them said yes, thank God. Phase three will start soon but it will eat up massive amount of monies so I'm dreading and looking forward to it at the same time. When everything is over and done, I plan to  host a Star Trek Marathon party and invite a couple of Angels.

Weird Funk

The weather is getting to me. I waited months for the rainy season and now that it is upon us, I'm feeling a bit blue. I guess working from home does have its set backs, one being unable to interact with other people on a regular basis. I've always loved the rain but somehow it is making me depressed.

I guess I just miss my mom and my brother. Haaay. Waki love the rain.

I went to the mall yesterday to have my lappy fixed. I accidentally poured coffee on it and now it does weird things. Gosh, I can't get a break. The tech guy said my lappy does not require extensive repairs but there is a possibility that the keyboard had to be replaced if the problem goes on. So there. One simple mistake is going to cost me 4 grand.

I hate eeeet!

Off To A Bad Start

Had a not-so minor accident yesterday morning. I made the mistake of putting my coffee mug directly in front of my laptop and predictably, spilled coffee all over my beloved.

Tsk.

That woke me up faster that actually quaffing coffee. So for now, my main machine will take a much needed break to dry itself out.

I have no one to blame but myself and trust me, I've been beating myself up because of this accident.

In the meantime, I'm using my spare lappy. Working on a netbook with a puny 10" screen is awesome when you are somewhere else but it ain't that cool when you are at home and staring at it for most of the day. From the looks of it, I might be stuck using it for a good three days. Well, that's okay. I'm grateful that I do not have to dart in and out of internet shops just to work. I mean, this is the main reason why I bought a netbook anyway. I have this irrational fear of my main machine breaking down and if that happens, there is no way for me to work unless I haul my ass to the nearest internet shop. Now I do not have to. Don't get me wrong, my netbook is very efficient but it is very difficult to work on such a small screen. I spend the day squinting and stuff.

Yeah you can enlarge the whole image and texts but it will cramped up everything else, which is even more frustrating. I know I shouldn't be bitching about it but haaay. I'm just, frustrated.

On a totally unrelated note, I'm setting up a good friend of mine for a date with one of my bestfriends from HS (Yes, Roselie, it's you :) ) I thought they would really be great together and I'm surprised this only dawned on me the other day. So both parties said yes and hopefully we can all meet sometime next week. I'm excited because I haven't played the matchmaker in years (Just so you know Rose, I also played match maker to Donna Lambino several years ago, they became an item too so you are good :D ) I'm not pimpin' though. I can just smell a good match and I cannot wait for them to meet hihihihihiih!

Well, at least there's something to look forward to next week. I have a feeling next week will be hellish, work-wise. My boss is being a pain in the ass lately. oh, well.

Rounding Up

Last week was a busy week for me, I spent most of my time darting back and forth to my full-time and part-time gig. It was definitely exhausting. It is as if both my clients decided to shake things up by giving me one new task after another. Hay. I feel so tired.

I went out to see a couple of Angels last Friday. Initially, Paeng and I wanted to watch the movie Iron Man. Yeah it's been out for so long and yet we only managed to find time to watch it last Friday. I was stoked because I really, really want to watch that movie. Unfortunately, my hope was dashed because Rene and his friends wanted to hang out. To cut the story short, we ran out of time and decided to not watch the movie at all. Oh, well.

The El Nino heat is quite punishing, isn't it? I've been breaking out in hives for godknowswhatreason. The humidity is killing me slowly. This is one of those moments where I'm frustrated that I'm no longer working in an office. I've no choice but to (quite literally) sweat it out. My sister does not want me to buy an air conditioner because our neighbors' electric bills hit an all-time high last April and she does not us to suffer the same fate. I couldn't care less but talked me out of it. So there, if I can describe what I've been doing for the past two months, I'd say I've done nothing but sweat like a pig.

To make things worse, my funds is slowly being depleted.It's all my fault, I've been recklessly buying stuff these past few months. This is why I resolve to start saving up. However, the timing is off, we are all set to buy a couch, a bed frame, mattress and a couple of cabinets next month. Well, they are not really that necessary when you come to think of it but I have grown weary at the state of our apartment. I guess I work best when I'm surrounded with beautiful things, hehehehe. And that's the precise reason why I'm so poor right now.

Moving on, my plan to return to an office-based job might be delayed. You see, my job hunting partner isn't really making an effort to update her resume... or do anything for that matter. So I'm left to do stuff alone. I would've been okay with that except I don't really need to find a job right now. Plus I'm saving up. Job hunting meant unnecessary spending. So my plan is to wait it out, save money and hopefully find a really fulfilling job in the months ahead. I've been considering on switching careers but at this point I see no chance of it materializing because I'm a lazy fuck.

Finally, I'm on a diet. An apple diet, to be precise. It's a diet scheme I came out with out of desperation. Basically, whenever I feel hunger pangs, I'd eat apples instead of fattening stuff. I can't even tell you how miserable I am at this point. I guess I inadvertently let myself go once I started working from home. I can't even drag myself to do of exercises like I used to because it is too hot to do anything else. I wish it is rainy season na so that I can exercise and stop the madness.

(Voting) Cherry Popped

I spent a staggering five hours just to vote for the first time. I sure as hell wasn't expecting everything to be easy breezy but five freaking hours in the sweltering El Nino heat is just pushing it. Anyway, I voted and it was awesome. I feel at this point that maybe the new administration would be better than the one we are made to go through for 12 years. I'm a bit shocked that there are still many local celebrities who ran and won in the elections, it's like people never learned anything.

However, the most shocking would have to be Erap placing number two in the polls. WTFH I don't know which part of plunderer people could not understand. I'm quite flabbergasted that he was even allowed to run for the presidency considering he is an ex-con who did nothing but squander money to fund his vices and mistresses. Everything about that guy is fake. Haay, this is probably one of the many reasons why our country will never rise from poverty.

Mine! All Mine!

See? I told you I'd buy it

Plugging

So a friend of mine decided to fix our old site CannedThoughts.com. With the help of Ratzingerjoe, they were able to resurrect the site and made it even better.

I made a couple of articles in there to start things off. Hopefully I could get old contributors back to do some charity work in the name of love. So there, I know for a fact that there are some people who are, amazingly, still reading my blog. Do me a favor and visit CannedThoughts.com too, mmmkay?

Dance Number

Just to give you an idea what we do when we bum around the beach:



That's right, spontaneous dance number.

The Search Is Over

I know I've been ragging on and on about buying a digital camera and yet I haven't bought any. Well, I did go to HK so it goes without saying that I've been poor. Anyway, so I made a not-so massive ipon and this is it, I think I will be able to buy a camera! Of course, the Lumix ZS7 is not really the camera of my dreams but it's close. Well, not close enough that they are almost kissing (obviously they are world's apart)  but since the GF1 is too expensive, I settled for the SZ7.

The reviews looked good. I must admit reading the stellar reviews on its predecessor, ZS3 casted some doubts but the latter is only 10 megapixel and that's a deal breaker. I pretty much have a straightforward list of what I want in a camera. It should have wide angle lens, must be easy to use and resolution of at least 12 megapixel. Initially, I wanted the Canon SX200 but after my still-new Canon camera broke down for no reason and was deemed unfixable, I swore I'd never buy a Canon again no matter how many tempting digicam colors/designs they come up with.

So there.

Hopefully this model is available at Megamall otherwise I might be coaxed to buy other models. Keeping my fingers crossed.

All Apologies

A couple of years ago, I had a fight with a good friend over something that is a mystery to me even now.I believe I didn't write anything about the guy in this site. So here's the dope:

He got mad over something. I apologized to him even though I was unsure what it is that made him mad. He not only rejected my apology, he also started another fight. I decided to not contact him ever. I felt bad because he was such a good friend but I didn't bother clearing the air because I was confused on the thing that bought on the fight to begin with and I was offended that my apology was not accepted.

Of course, some people who think they know the real story behind it kept insisting that I did something terrible to this person. It's infuriating at times, you know? To be honest, I resented those people simply because they think once they heard one side of the story then that explains everything. The worse part is that they keep bringing it up. Maybe they think it's funny or they want make me feel shitty about it, I don't know. I just hate it. It's not a matter of my feeling being hurt over certain accusations but it seems to me that I was made to look like I didn't do anything to pacify the situation. Well I felt guilty nonetheless. I thought, hey, if they think you did something terrible then maybe it's true, you just don't know it because it's not like you are the most sensitive person around, you know?

To be fair, my behavior in the past did nothing to make them think otherwise. I guess I'm just fed up with people who automatically points their finger at the usual suspect because well, it's convenient. It's so lacking in imagination.

So last week, I had a set up meeting with Kapre and our discussion turned to this very subject. Actually, the guy earned my respect that very night because he was much more deep than he lets on. Well, I had suspicions that he is deep but I never really had an honest talk with the guy ever.

He asked me what happened and I jogged my memory about it. I knew there were more to it than just the stupid camera but I just can't quite put my finger on it. Normally, the guy was pretty easy-going and I was flabbergasted to find out that he didn't accept my apology considering we've been friends for a while and instead provoked another fight which just made things worse.

I won't go into details but he saw the situation in an entirely different light. His theory turned out to be be very accurate. He said I should've taken the higher road and during those times I thought I did. But apparently, the road I took was not high enough. So for the second time, I apologized about the thing. Well, this scenario was the same exact thing that it was two years ago, the only difference is, nobody's mad anymore. I was actually very curious to find out what really made the guy act the way he did but the guy said he cannot remember the real reason why he acted the way he did. Tch.

But Kapre has his theory and based on the email I received, I think Kapre is right on the money.

Case closed.

Weekend Conversations

Last weekend, I have been spending my time with cousins from both sides of the family. Because I crashed in on my cousin's house for the weekend in Tarlac, I witnessed how they normally spend their time, which is mostly eating out. So there, they pig out on various take-outs all weekend long and I am ashamed to admit that I partook in this habit of theirs.

Of course, being home in the province meant my mom started convincing me to reconcile with my father. I won't go into details but let's just say I nipped that idea right at the bud.

When I got back here in the city, I was invited by cousins from my father's side for a rare get-together. My younger cousin, JM,  just got back here in the PH for a short vacation and he wanted to catch up with everyone. Talking to him, I am so proud that he turn out to be a much better person than I expected. He has the level of maturity even I can only dream of. I guess, that maturity is borne out of a difficult childhood that most cousins from the father's side of the family are all too familiar with (the infamous Lee syndrome). If there is one thing we all had in common, it is that we all had to put up with our overbearing fathers. Surprisingly, even the most goofy cousin I had shared the same experience. Needless to say, the conversation always turns to serious stuff though we try to laugh everything off.

JM wanted to do something in order to patch things up between my father and I (which is sweet of him). While I did say I was open to a reconciliation, it would be a cold day in hell before I would make the first move. I'm not saying I'm absolutely faultless in our rift but I sure as hell did not do anything wrong initially. He said he might drop by my parents' house and talk my father into reconciling but I very much doubt my father would admit that most of it was his fault. It's quite admirable to see someone this young  be this mature. My sister and I were quite impressed. He looks so much like his dad but he surely takes after his mom.

It was nice talking to them and being openly honest about what happened. There is only a handful of people who I talk to about the issue and most of them could not really relate. It's quite refreshing to know that I was in the company of those that can, you know?

One positive thing that resulted from our collective tough childhood is that we turned out to be more well-rounded than others. We may have been scarred for life but I'm positive that the experience made each one of us a better person.

Oh, believe me, I could've turned out much worse than this :D

Homebound

It seems I'll be home -bound this Friday. My mom is practically begging me to come home, so there. I'm not really looking forward to it, to be honest. I do not like the idea of hanging in there and talk about stuff, you know? Conversations with my mom has been awkward lately. Mostly because I resent her. It has something to do with stuff in the past. I feel bad for her but I resent her at the same time. Conflicting, yes.

My mom and my sister have been teaming up, ragging me on about coming home. While I have no problem being there, I would rather be skinned alive, drenched in gasoline and chili oil and then set on fire rather than set foot in our house. Everyone in my family knew about this and my newlywed cousin was kind enough to offer their house and her room for me to spend the weekend. So there. I relented (with certain conditions) She was excited about the sleep together and though I'm looking forward on lengthy girl talk, I still do not like going back home. I hate hiding. It's like, I'm the one at fault. But I guess it is better for everyone this way.

Well, I miss Waki so sacrifices must be made. I think I can grin and bear it for one day and a half.

Weird

I noticed that an acquaintance of mine has this for his profile pic in Facebook. Yes, indeed, it included me in it, back in my skinny days, no less. I find it amusing and weird at the same breath. It is not everyday that I discover my face is plastered all over somebody else's profile, ya know?

Eated

I spent a good two days barfing and shitting because I inadvertently eaten something that either went bad or didn't agree with my stomach.  So there. Now speaking of eating...

I opened a new food blog site aptly named "Eated" because that's basically what the site will be all about, everything I have eaten, immortalized in Cyberspace. I do not plan to critique the food in a blow-by-blow account at all because I know squat about writing food articles. However, being fat for more than half my life, I can say I know good food and that's just want I plan to do. Tell if the food sucked or not without having to put too much emphasis on the details why.

Of course, I created the site in anticipation for the new camera I will be getting sometime soon. Unfortunately, I was not able to buy a new one soon enough because of my weekly shopping sprees. So now, I'm really hell-bent on getting a new cam before April ends and I will have to make massive ipon for it. It just frustrates me though because my sister and I have been eating on really, really nice places these days and I have no camera to show off the food.

Hay.

I'm pretty excited on this new playground because I liked how the pictures are presented. I have been lusting after the same template. I wanted to use it for this site but I have to pay shitload of money for it.  Eeek.  Since I'm a stingy hag, I am resigned to deal with this dreary design. Tumblr is kinda great, it has more options and it is more visually-appealing. The only drawback is the set up, unlike Wordpress, Tumblr seems to be geared towards the social networking addicted people. That's kinda unsettling.

Oh well. Nobody's perfect.

Milestone

Cousin dear's wedding (Groom is missing, apaarently)

Werk It

My friend and I are discussing our next job hunting adventure. Now, for someone who just got hired last week, this is quite... challenging. Although I do have plans to re-enter the world of the living, I do not plan to do this any time soon but I didn't have the heart to tell her that. So instead, I halfheartedly said yes to everything. Scout for companies, yes. Update your resume, yes. Pick a kawaii outfit, yes. Let's do this next week, yes.

The thing is, I sort of like my new set up now. I do not have to wake up as early as my last client required and I can work on my own pace without some dumbass feeding me bs.  That said, I have to 'fess up, I haven't really been enjoying myself after I gave the home based set up a shot. Sure, it pays the bills and yes, it pays a lot. But I have to admit I have grown weary of the whole home based set up. When 2010 started, I resolved that I will go out there and live my life. I have been living worse than a hermit and the routine that I developed, though safe and unfailing, have made it very hard for me to cope with everything else that has been going with my life. I suppose I want a distraction and I can't have that if I continue to live the way I'm living now.

I'm so unsure what to do at this point. The last time I worked on an offline company, it was a complete disaster. Granted, I was going through an emotional phase at those times and the night shift did nothing to help my cause. Of course, I'm afraid of facing new challenges. Some people, they liked to be challenged. they go head on and they do not look back. I, on the other hand, approach challenges much like a toddler would approach a dead jellyfish by the shoreline, I poke at it with a stick, sniff it, make sure it was dead,  kick sand in its face then run like a girl.

I have to admit I'm interested on the notion of working offline again. All my new outfits are gathering dusts, it is driving em nuts. That's basically the only reason I can think of, hehehehe.

At this point I'm still weighing my options. I could continue working for this guy and hold a full-time job offline or I could drop the job altogether and explore the unknown.Hay, decisions, decisions.

Waki

Cutest boy. EVER.

Good Byers Aussie Boss

So I just sent my resignation letter and moved on to another client.The whole Xoom, ODesk and incompetent PM situation were just making things very difficult for me. Of course, my exit was not without surprises. Turns out PM dear wasn't a girl at all. He was nice enough to let me know about it during my pseudo-exit interview. He also asked if we could see each other. Yuck!

As if!

Moving on, I got into a bit of a spat with another person in my new team. In my defense, he was being a jerk. So there. I don't know what to expect but if this does not work out, my short-term plan may kickstart earlier than planned.

Easter

The good news is that Jesus conquered death. Bad news is, I'm nursing a hang over.

The Angels had a get-together last night. We watched How To Train Your Dragon (which was a spectacular film, by the way), drank beers and traded jokes until the wee hours of Easter morning. It was one of those rare moments where I actually had fun. These days, I do not have too many opportunities at fun and I embraced the comforting lull of food, friends and alcohol completely. I wish we could do that more often.

Incidentally, I created a short-term plan, one that I hope would rescue me from this dud of a life I lead. I plan to leave all my home-based work behind in three months and resolve to work in a real office again. Kapre summed it up precisely when he said home-based work is driving him insane. Sometimes I love being insane but there are forms of insanity that are just too boring for words and this is the insanity that I've been dealing for months. Of course, I do not regret working in a home-based setting, I just regret not having fun while at it.

So there. Hopefully, I can stop being greedy and start living a little.

In other news, the new neighbor is starting to try my patience. Well, it wasn't really much of a big deal but sometimes I wonder why some people are so crass. The neighbor asked me nonchalantly if he could use my credit card to get himself a new computer. To a person who owed me nearly 10 grand and leeching off my cable line, I think that was just asking too much, don't you agree?

Adobong Pata

What's in it:

Half a kilo pig leg

Minced garlic

Minced onions

Paprika

6 tablespoon soy sauce

5 tablespoon apple cider vinegar

1 cup water

2 bay leaves

Crushed pepper

Salt

Sugar

How To Cook:

1) Put on great music to set the mood. I listened  to Jeff Buckley's "I Know It's Over" to make an already depressing day even more depressing.

2) Put all ingredients in a pot. Adjust the taste and stuff. Simmer for an hour

3) Drain and set aside the liquid.

4) Fry the pig leg until they are browned on all sides

5) Add the sauce to the fryer and simmer for another ten minutes

6) Stare longingly because surprise! It's good Friday and you are not supposed to eat pork, yo!

Taste Test:

This recipe is actually my second attempt at it. The first time, I added like, 3/4 cup of cider vinegar because that's what the recipe dictates. I realized too late that the amount of pork in it versus the amount of pork in the recipe don't match. Me and the rest of my house ended up smelling like vinegar. I took a sip of the sauce and well, it turned out better than I expected. It's on the sweet side, which I hate. I know I should balance this out with vinegar but I don't want to put too much, it might ruin everything.

I might not cook anything anytime soon but for my first adobo, this is a great turn out.It looked and somewhat tasted like what adobos should.

How'd I do:

On a scale of 1 to 5 with 5 being the highest I’d say 2.5. Because I cheated. Did this without the onions because I was too lazy to buy it some.

Good Friday Rambling

For the first time I'm spending the holy week all by my lonesome self. I'm trying not to get the depression get to me. I have always hated holy week for as long as I can remember. Well, I do not hate the concept of it, I just hate the silence that comes with it and now that I'm on it alone, it makes the silence even more pronounced.

Oh, well. That's life.

To distract myself, I cooked adobo for the first time. I am the first to admit that I know squat when it comes to cooking and supposedly, adobo should be the first recipe I must master.I scoured for a good adobo recipe online. Will make a post about that later.

I received a call last night, it was Fly Boi. Actually,I have been ignoring his calls after we went out partly because many people I know warned me against seeing him again. I know I shouldn't let other people dictate what I should and should not do, I chose to not see him because I know that these people do have a point. There are so many red flags, it's impossible not to miss them. I can't be with someone who obviously do not care that much. Of course, it's not like I kept my hopes up after we met up, you know? Well, okay. I did. A bit.I thought maybe this time around, things would change but then again I always knew it won't. He will always remain the same person that he was six years ago.  He still continues to live in his past glory. I still continued to be the person I am, jaded and unmoving.

So there, he called and told me he is about to leave. He was already boarding the plane as we talked. It was a brief, cordial call. He told me that we never saw each other after the last time and I can't come up with excuses so I just uttered a lame "yeeaaaah". We told each other to take care and said our good-byes.

I sort of felt a bit sad that he left so soon. We may never see each other again. Or if we do see each other again, he may already be married. God, hopefully when that time comes, I already have a boyfriend otherwise I would die of mortification. Sometimes I catch myself wishing things would turn out much better than it did. But he was stupid and that's that.

Opening A Can Of Whoopass

I sorta ran into trouble with someone this morning that totally cost me a hefty paycheck. Just when I thought I was opening a can of whoopass, igh! I have to start learning how to play my cards right, hay.

So... since my friend/ex-office mate became my neighbor I have inadvertently opened my home for other  people as well. While it is nice to socialize and stuff, I'm not used to the new set up. In addition to that, my sister started complaining that this friend of mine if invading her space. Of course, I wanted to make the guy feel as welcome as possible because I want to be a good neighbor and we have known each other for a while.

However, I do feel that certain lines have to be drawn. One particular incident that triggered my sister's ire was when the guy let himself in to our house when I was not around (I was brushing my teeth somewhere while my sister was watching in the living room) without even asking my sister if he can come in. She told me about it and I was kind of  pissed about it as well.

When I told the guy about the vacancy, I knew there's going to be some changes once he moves in with his family but I didn't really think I'd have to open the doors to my own apartment as well. One of the reason why I rarely tell people I know where I live is that I value my space so much, I cannot risk anyone dropping by unannounced. And now, to have a guy spring up to our doorstep at odd hours, it really annoys me.

I have been thinking of ways how to confront him about it. Of course, confrontation often leads to animosity and I really don't want to mess this up because he is a genuinely nice guy and in his mind, he is not doing anything wrong.  But I really have no idea how to tell him to stop showing up at my place like it's a goddamned coffee shop. I don't show up at his place, I don't see why he can't at least ask if he can come in.

The fact is, my apartment can get stuffy at times and let's just say I often look like a greasy swamp rat when I'm at home. I never looked presentable when I'm inside my goddamned apartment and I do not want to make an effort to look decent at all, you know? Basically, I want to be alone, grease and all, I do not like to be disturbed and I don't want anyone seeing me in my natural habitat. Is that so bad?

Ugh,

I'm in such a pickle.

Oh. I almost forgot, I heard we'd be seeing a blue moon tonight, awesome!

The Week After

Things have been relatively quiet after the last clusterfuck of a week I had. PM dear was also quiet... too quiet. I have a couple theories. It's either she got one helluva sermon from the boss and she is taking that against me or I'm about to be fired.

Do I sound crazy?

I don't know about you but I sort of have a sixth sense that can sense shit like this. Most of the time I can tell, feel and smell when things are about to go batshit on me. I seem to have picked this thing long ago, not that I enjoy knowing I'm about to get fired. You can't say it's paranoia (though sometimes it is) because there have been many situations where I was freakin' right on the money... or lack thereof. So there. My prediction is that by the month's end, I will be let go for God knows what reason.

The feeling was so strong that I actually started entertaining exams and whatnot. Of course, this is actually the perfect time for the company to let me go. I have grown bored with what I'm doing and with the whole homebased set up in general. I want to go back working in a real office. Incidentally, a friend of mine told me she is about to hunt for a job and she would be absolutely delighted if we go hunting together. I'm considering this offer mostly because all my new outfits from HK are now reduced to shitload of dustbunnies I want to search for meaning in my life I miss having a sense of purpose I'm bored. So if things do not go according to plan, I might be reviving my social life and get a job offline at the same time. oh, what fun.

In other news, an old colleague of mine became my neighbor last Tuesday. It's great because now I do not have to worry about dying in utter boredom when Lent comes rolling in. I could simply drag my ass to the next apartment and just like magic, I have an audience for my world renowned verbal diarrhea.

How awesome is that!?

Hahaha! On a serious note, I couldn't be happier because I have been bracing myself for a week long of bore that I could not gather enough enthusiasm to do much else. I pretty much think April will be a life-changing month for me. Though there are some uncertainties here and there, I'm sort of looking forward to a couple of things. Hopefully both would turn out great.

Cheers for optimism.

Grrrr

I have been having the worst week. Ever since I came back home for my cousin's wedding, things have been shitty. First, I was deemed as "unproductive" by my so-called PM. She had the audacity to tell me not to take offense when she said those words. Here's the situation. I reached my first month with the new client and I was up for a performance review. So far, the boss and the "PM" told me I was doing a good job. Suddenly, PM dear sent word that I was being unproductive. In my years as a writer, this is the first time I was called as such and I was understandably confused because I knew I was doing everything they asked me to. She never gave any explanations, saying that's what she and the client agreed on.

Now, I'm no fool. I have worked side by side with some of the worst PMs on the face of the planet and let's say I know exactly how they work.  My suspicion is that she just wanted to up the quota to make herself look good on the client, the same way that good ol' Sam made the whole Angels work two days non-stop to make himself look good on the client. I got suspicious because I talked to the client way before and he said I was doing an excellent job. Something was very very fishy. So I told her that we agreed on the quota a long time ago and she never said anything about increasing it. Had I known she would do something like that, I never would have taken the job because I am very particular about quotas. Again, she never offered any explanation and it just made me even more suspicious.

I did the only logical thing to do, I talked to the company's president and boy, oh, boy, he confirmed my suspicions. He said he was very satisfied with my work and that it was the PM's idea to up the quota because "she feels that 5 articles in 8 hours is not enough". I voiced out my displeasure over the whole thing and made sure the client knew exactly what I feel. Surprises of all surprises, the company president apologized about the situation and made it clear that I did nothing wrong.

You know, this PM of mine, she must've thought I'm the type who stands around for shit like this.She must have thought that I'm the type who just takes everything in with not as much as a peep. Well, I do my research and I will talk to the client to confirm everything she says because clearly, she is feeding me bs and I'm not having it.

I never thought of her as the type who'd do things to impress his boss at other people's expense. Well, fuck that. I do what is asked of me and I work just as hard as every one else. I will not let someone tarnish my perfectly clean record, not without a helluva bitch fight. I wanted to quit working for them actually and I'm thinking that if I do quit and it's because of her bs, I will not hesitate to call her out on the boss.

Another thing that made this week extremely challenging (in a bad way) is that I seem to be spending more and more time arguing with members of the family. I try my best to just suck it in and keep a straight face but there are some moments when they give you bullshit. I just hate it. The worst part is that there is nothing I can do about it. During my birthday, I spent the bulk of the day alone and miserable because I had a rift with a certain person and then I held a two-weeks delayed celebration and I had another argument with another member of the family. Seriously, I can't get a break these days. Can I not have a decent celebration without anyone raining on the whole fucking parade? Instead of actually enjoying the moment with friends, I was marinating in misery. Haaay.

I try to keep the peace and just move on because I pretty much don't have a choice but some people, they're just out to ruin everything. It irritates me that I get bothered with these stuff when I don't have to. I want to think all the bad things that happened last month was behind me now but there are just some people who keeps reminding me all about it every single time.

I just wish they would just leave me alone.

Rak en Roll Days

I finally figured out the access codes for my old Slide.com profile! I watched most of the old slides I did and I still can't believe it's been more than four years since we produced a rock event. Hay, I miss those days :(

Sending all my love to the Angels XOXO

Whoakey

Morning Conversations

Me: Fucking palpitations... I think I'm dying.

Girl: Nah.You can still talk.

Reading Stuff

I just hauled my ass away from work to buy a couple of books by Edith Wharton. One is titled House of Mirth and the other is titled The Age Of Innocence. I have seen both books' film adaptation but have not read them. Since I'm bored to tears I might as well do something worthwhile. I loved the story of House of Mirth not because of Eric Stoltz, but because I'm attracted to the tragic ending. So far, I've read the first two chapters and I'm loving it more. I think I need to go home in order to enjoy the book even more.

AwesooOooOooomeness!

Fly Boi Retarns

Yep, indeed. He is back. I was trying in vain to take a cat nap when he called to say hi. All the while I thought he was overseas but apparently, he is back in town and as he stressed, very single. As it turns out, he had to fix a lot of documents which is why he is here  and that he wanted to go out for coffee sometime next week. We mostly chit-chatted things about what happened in his two years of absence and how he missed my birthday.

Later that night we met up for coffee and beer and stuff. So now I'm very hung over. My GooooOOooooOood.

Coupling

I just got word that the Social Butterfly is finally getting married. While I'm absolutely thrilled about it, I'm not quite sure I believe the whole love-at-first-sight shit they keep talking about. You see, they have only known each other for three months... ONLINE. They only saw each other once before when the guy left for the PH to meet her in person. According to my sister, the guy was so smitten with her that he asked her to marry him right away.

WOW.

I don't know if I just lack the faith for it or that maybe I am far too inexperienced with matters of the heart but I'm blown away with their story, and not in a good way. Oh, well. I never believed in love at first sight anyway but I'm seriously praying those two know what they are getting themselves into. Cheers for the happy couple.

I will attend the wedding of course. Unfortunately, I do not have a great outfit yet. I'm leaving everything to my sister's very capable hands.

Moving on, Krissy and Pakwan are now a couple, officially. Pakwan called me up last night to break the good news. Look, this is a once in a lifetime experience, my best guy friend and my best girl friend are hooking up. It took them almost five years to do it but now they made it official! I couldn't be more happy for Krissy because I know for a fact that Pakwan will do anything to take care of her :)Plus I actually threatened Pakwan to keep her happy or else I'd go there to bitchslap him til kingdom come.

So this means I'm fated to be the third wheel forever and ever XD My GooooOOOoooOOod. I wish he would hook me up with that cute brother of his, nyohohohohohoh! ZOMGWhatAmISaying?!

Into Writing

I'm planning to write a book. No, I wasn't given any offers to do it, it's just one of those things that I do just because. The truth is, it's been a lifelong dream of mine to write one. Unfortunately, I do not have any formal training. I know shit when it comes to tricks of the trade and I do not plan to have it released, even if I have a real shot at it. I just want to chennl my energy into something creative. Plus, I think it would help me cope with whatever shit I have going right now.

I even have a title for it and I have a great idea how to start writing the story, it just came to me out of nowhere. I wasn't doing anything remotely inspiring, which is funny when I think about it. The main character's name will be Laurie, a girl in her mid-30's. It starts with her getting a call from her mom and she receive a shocking news that will lead her to a journey back to her bad childhood. It's kinda sappy, actually. She will come into terms with her issues and discover why her life turn out the way it did.

I'm pretty excited to start writing it. Also, I started writing poetry as well. I never told anyone but apart from drawing, writing poetry is a common hobby of mine as a kid. Actually I wrote songs at first. Back in the 90's, I wished one of the popular bands would buy them from me. You know those folded papers that comes with cassette tapes? My cousin had lots of cassette tapes from different bands. Though I didn't listen to any songs from my cousin's collection, nor did I appreciate any of them, I read every one of those folded papers. I discovered that many bands were thanking some people who wrote this song or that song for the band. That's when I hatched a plan to compose songs till I get good enough to send it to my favorite band. Too bad my fave band then was the Moffats (my Gooooodddd, I wanna daiiiiiii) and there was no way for me to send the songs I created plus, I know they wrote their own songs, hehehehhe.

Around the same time, I started writing poems as well. I wrote heinous amounts of it between grade school till college. Most of them got destroyed because our house got flooded in 2004. I stopped writing poems like, five years ago because there's nothing to write about anymore. To be honest, my life just became less and less inspiring as I grew older. Well, I did create a couple every now and then but they are mostly lacking in everything and I just ended up using it to wipe my ass.

But last week I created a blog site and wrote two poems. Two short ones. And no one can make me say where these poems are because I'd rather die in a fire than have everyone  know I wrote those shit. I'm not saying I did a bad job at it, I'm okay if people read it as long as the author remains anonymous, y'know?

Anyways... I got a couple of comments about the poems. Which was surprising because the comments came a day after the poems were created. Also, I was so sure I set the damn site in private but turns out I didn't. So there. I didn't approve any of them because I do not want to encourage any emo conversation with strangers. Grabeh, ang sama-sama ko naman, hahaha! But yeah, that's the truth.I don't want people to know where it is all coming from.

I want to create something other than boringass credit card articles. I think I might go insane if I don't. So far, composing poems made me feel better.I will not go as far as say that it made me find inner peace but it is quite therapeutic. Cliche, I know but that's the truth. These days, I'd take anything if it will help me cope with the surrounding bullshit.

I feel sorry that I only got to do this again now because there were many moments in my hiatus that I was struck with inspiration. I never made any efforts to turn inspiration into poems because during those times I felt no need for an outlet. Doing it now takes me back to the good ol' days.

It's a nice feeling.

Home Improvement

I've already started making small changes in the apartment. The first one was to replace the old TV we had. To be honest, I have been waiting for it to break down but the lil' bastard just wouldn't go without a fight. In the end, it stopped working. However, it broke down on the worst time because I just got back from HK when it did and I had to replace it right away because I don't think I can handle a single day without TV. So... there. I bought a 32" LCD TV, isn't that awesome? So far it's been working like a dream. The only downnside is that our cable provider do not have HD settings yet so some channels are not as sharp.

Well, you can't have everything.

Also, I started throwing away stuff that have accumulated in the apartment. From small tables to useless shirts, I threw everything I didn't need. We sort of got inspired to start tidying up our place because we have a new room mate, it's her HS friend who is somewhat a neat freak. Anyway, she did a lot to improve our home so we figured we might as well help, hahahaha!

We are also up for screening windows, improving the pipes and other stuff this weekend. Hoepfully all the repairmen will show up for it. So many to do, so many gastos, my Ghaaaaaaaaad.

Celebration

So I'm celebrating a rather dismal birthday today. First off, I can't have a decent party because most people I know either have work on the night shift or are out of the country. It's so freakin' sad. Additionally, my on-going feud with a certain member of the "family" prevents me from going home to visit my mom and Waki. I think it's safe to say I am not looking forward to this birthday and that's saying something considering I'm a big fan of birthdays in general.

To be honest, I had no plans to celebrate. I feel I had no reason for it. I've been away for so long and I haven't really made any effort to re-connect with people. This is the main reason why I have not told anyone I was already back in the city. I just can't bring myself to face people and socialize. I know it sounds like I'm emo or whatever but it's not. I just don't want... talk. I want to just wander off somewhere and be left alone.

But I suppose that was just too pathetic for my sister to take.

She had to actually egg me on to invite other people to attend a make-shift party. So far none of the people I expected to go are attending but amazingly, a couple of super busybodies have confirmed. While I am not taking the whole "sorry-I-can't-go"  bit hard (who the hell goes to videoke bars on Wednesday nights, anyways?!)In fact, if I were the invited to a sudden celebration in the middle of the week, I would've also said no.

I do feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing some people will actually go the trouble of taking time off from their busy schedule to celebrate with me. I told them point-blank that I was hesitant to invite them because for one thing, it's the shortest of all notices and second, they have work/classes they need to do. However, as the day dragged on, I heard one cancellation after another to the point that I nixed the whole thing altogether. Of course, I managed to piss off some people in the end and I apologized profusely for it. The last thing I expected was to be seen like an ass on my birthday but there's just no sense in the whole celebration thing anymore and I wanted to put a stop to the whole pathetic spectacle before it goes from bad to worse.

Of course, there are some who snubbed me altogether, which was the most surprising thing of all. It's surprising because they were not the type of people who do that. Do I deserve it? I have no clue. But I am extremely disappointed. Obviously it's either they have very good reason for the brush off (of course there is just no reason good enough to justify the action but what do I know) or as my sister subtlety puts it, maybe they don't like me as much as I like them. I think I can say with certainty that it's leaning towards the latter.

Contrary to what people think of me, this is not about me being self-centered. In fact, I knew people will not come. They have their own reasons and I do understand. But I suppose I expected some form of courtesy from people I consider as friends. I know I'm not really the most likeable person on the planet, in fact, I'm well-aware I make it difficult for people to like me but being snubbed is something new to me. It's something I don't do unless a person did something truly wretched to me. I know I've been away for so long but I think being brushed off is a bit extreme, don't you agree? I don't understand it and I will not pretend that I do but if that's the way they roll then I can't do anything about it.

And I was so looking forward on seeing most of them and handing out pasalubong from my trip. I guess I just wasted my energy after all. Meh.

Of course it was not all disappointments and cancellations. I also got several calls from various friends and relatives, all of them got lots of interesting stories to tell. I appreciate the fact that Pakwan himself called me up all the way from Italy to greet me. Of course, Krissy beat him to it but that's just how Kris and I roll, hahaha! I've always regarded both as best friends and talking to them even for a short period of time never fails to cheer me up. Honestly, I needed a friend on that special day and some people do rise to the occasion. Itt gives me great comfort knowing that when all things fail, I'll always have those two... plus my sister, hahaha! Speaking of which...

My sister and a common friend went ahead with our initial plan, go to a KTV bar sans the people I invited over and it was a surprisingly grgeat ending to one of the most horrendous birthdays of my life. I opened the night with a horrifying rendition of "Love Me For A Reason" and ended it with a underwhelming "Stay".

So there. I still feel bad about the whole thing, I really do. But then again, I might do better at 27.

The HK Experience

I just got back from a 5-day vacation and the experience was very enriching. I loved almost everything about Hong Kong! Everything is so... clean.

Every person out on the street walks with purpose. I never really saw how efficient Chinese people were until I went there! I had such an amazing time and I feel like I don't want to come back, hahahah!

I will return next year XD

Will Be Gone For A Week

I've been to the city for only two days and already I'm so bored to tears partly because I am not in the mood to ask friends for a drink and partly because our old TV broke down. Of all the days I've been away, it never broke. It chose this day to fizzle out and die.

So I had no choice but to spend the day either surfing the net (Indeed, I had Sky bro installed yesterday! So far it's been awesome!) or catnapping. I'm so freakin' bored. I can't wait to buy another TV but it has to wait until March because next week, I'll be vacationing in HK. Speaking of which, I'm very excited about my trip. I started packing my things and going over each item to bring, it's actually pretty fun. All the planning and the scheming and now it's here!

The last time I had a real vacation was back when I went to Vigan with a few friends and my big sister.The experience was something I truly enjoyed and I can't wait to see other cities in the Philippines in the months ahead.

I'm scheduled to go to CamSur with the Angels sometime in August and this means I will have to whip my butt into shape in order to look half decent in a swim suit. Since I started working from home, I have grown soft around the middle and my appetite has been ridiculous! Like today, I totally pigged out on Paella and Oxtail stew! I bought the goodies from a resto which, from what I heard, is top notch in terms of taste. And boy, the food didn't disappoint! It was so darn good! However, I know I should start putting an end to my binging and start eating sensibly.

I'm hoping HK will be the last time I'll pig out. I plan to start working out and make a conscious effort to burn calories. Haay, hirap ng buhay! So there, I'm looking forward on not writing boringass articles for a week!

High five!

Defying Gravity

One of the few issues that I was never open about is my relationship with my father. The fact is, my father and I always had an often volatile relationship which stemmed since childhood. It is one of those things that I never outgrew. We would always bicker about the most inane things. When I moved back in to my parents’ home last year, I knew it was only a matter of time before the whole cycle start all over again. It did the other day. We fought about something so silly. Next thing I knew, it escalated to a completely new level. Of course, this has always been the case but this time I fought back in the only language he knew. He said the most outrageous things. It always surprises me how warped my dad’s logic is.

To cut the long story short, I left our house and I came back here in the city. Despite the prospect of not seeing my mom and little brother for a long time, I felt that it was the necessary thing to do. My mom was devastated that I had to go because she always depended on me to do little things for her. She got used to seeing me lounging around and she thought I would stay for good. My brother is equally devastated.

I am hoping his young mind will not be able to grasp the true situation. I hate that he is coming across these types of drama at such an early age. Both of them begged me to stay. I wanted to, but the thing is, I would rather leave than put up with my father’s bullshit. I liked that there is open hostility between the two of us because I’m through pretending. I have no respect for the old man.

Not crying over the whole thing is probably the hardest thing I had to do. I was such a mess these past couple of days but I never allowed myself to cry over it. I believe I have grieved long enough and crying will just make things even sorrier.

I was looking forward on doing so many things in Tarlac like celebrating my birthday, taking Waki to the annual fair, attending Waki’s graduation from prep school. Unfortunately, the tide has turned and I am resigned to stay here in seclusion. So just to make it official, I am back in the city.

... Not the way I initially planned it to be but I’m here nonetheless.

The Week That Was...

I'm just rounding up my first week at work. While I had a very shaky first day, the succeeding days were much better. I did hate having to wake up around 7:00, it was excruciating! For the most part, work went smoothly. Raket guy had me neck-deep in shit when he went for a vacation but I'd like to think I did great considering I was juggling two jobs.

I did have a minor spat with my account manager, or whatever it is that she does. Don't get me wrong, she's been accommodating, to the point of being creepy, but sometimes she asks the most inane questions. I usually just try my best to answer but I guess I got miffed because she's asking questions with obvious answers so freakin' early in the morning.

Nyak!

(Re)Bonding

After months and months of blow drying and ironing my locks, my hair turned into a crunchy, mangy mess. I've had it! I took take time off to have my hair re-bonded. While the five whopping hours it took to have my hair re-bonded is downright grueling, it's well worth the effort. My locks couldn't be more shiny, it couldn't be more soft! It's a miracle, I tell you! It's one shiny blanket that sits atop my head!

When I was a student, I used to blow my allowance on bi-annual hair relax treatments. However, after I had my long locks cut into a pixie 'do, I went without any hair treatments for years! I made the mistake of thinking my bad hair days are over so I grew my hair long. Boy, was I surprised to find that my hair is just as terrible now as it was then. After dutifully blow drying/ironing/hot oiling my tresses every freakin' morning for months, I finally had it. I went to a stylist recommended by my cousin and had my hair done.It took five hours and the constant heat made my head hurt like hell but...

Voila, my bad hair days are gone... for a year, tops. :)

New Client, New Kalbaryo

I just got hired this morning and I was tasked to create articles about credit cards. Just when I thought nothing would be more boring than writing insurance policies. I was actually thinking of not working until March. You see, my incoming trip to HK is creating problems. I have been let go at the most inconvenient of times. To be honest, I lost shitload of clients over my HK trip. Quite understandably, they are not willing to give me a week off after only working with them for several days. So I sort of gave up on the idea of being hired this month and I was so looking forward on  slacking off for a bit and do occasional articles for raket guy.

I wake up one morning and I got hired.

I'm a little dumbfounded that the company I will be working for not only agreed on my unusual work schedule, they also agreed to give me a week off for February. It's either they needed a writer desperately or I'm in for the long haul. I can't say I'm excited because having nothing to do for a week sorta made me lazier than usual. The prospect of completing five articles a day seemed pretty daunting at this point. However, I couldn't be more grateful.

I do have several big plans this year and I'm hoping it includes a lot of out of town and even out of the country trips. So I really need to make ipon and do my best not to buy too many things at once. What I need at this point is self-control. Haaay!

This Child

Kids, in general, are cute. I'm not saying "cute" pertaining to a child's looks alone. They are cute when they eat ice cream, they are cute when they ask the silliest questions, they are cute in their sunny disposition and they are cute when they sleep. However, I'm sometimes bewildered whenever I come across kids who are not cute. There is one child that rubs me in the wrong way. She's an adopted child of one of our sales ladies. Our sales lady brings her to work almost everyday because no one will look after her. She is a regular playmate of my baby brother, Waki.

There is nothing cute about this child. Now, before you say I'm being out of line and shit, let me explain why. First, she curses like a sailor. She keeps giving dirty looks to everyone, myself included. She talks back to me, to my mom, to her mom and to my dad. She will lie on the floor crying if you do not give her what she wants regardless of the place. She cries every time she wakes up, she cries if her mom did not attend to her needs fast enough, she yells at her mom like a freakin' diva, she throws garbage and spit out her food everywhere. Provoking Waki into a fight is her hobby and she hogs the remote. She is irritatingly spoiled rotten. Not cute at all.

It's very rare for me to be annoyed to a certain  kid because I'm generally good around them. Heck, I play yaya to my nieces, nephews and to my brother on a regular basis so I can't say my annoyance is borne out of inexperience with taking care of a child. Now, I did try everything I could to manage this child. And I failed every single time. My brother's yaya and our other sales ladies found this tiny three year old too much to handle on their own. My brother, who is Mr. Congeniality, lost his patience with her a long time ago. I would catch this child screaming expletives at my brother. She would attempt to bonk his head or kick him. Thankfully, Waki was trained to give due respect and patience to kids younger than him.He would just keep quiet about it or make sumbong to diva's mom.

There was a time when I had to spank her because when I asked her politely to throw her trash on the garbage can, she went on diva mode, threw a wet towel at me in defiance and she made "duro" at me. No, I'm not being overly dramatic. She looked like she wanted to slice me into pieces and then with all the conviction a three year old girl could muster, pointed at me and gave me the dirtiest look I've ever seen on a toddler. No screaming, no crying, she pointed at me like that in silence and it looked like the devil child was praying for my immediate death. I was both infuriated and creeped out, to be honest.

Can you imagine? I have never known any child who could make duro to an adult like that before.

I had t restrain myself from slapping her. I know, I know. You are not supposed to spank a child but let me tell you something, spend an hour with this child and you will know what I'm talking about.

Of course, I don't expect all kids to be angels every time. Playing the nanny for a long time showed me that kids have very unpredictable behaviours. However I expect some form of restrain on their part particualrly when they are spending their time in places other than  their own home.

It took a lot of work on my part to mold Waki into a sweet, polite and decent kid (biased much?) that he is today. Me and my mom get praises every time. But he did start out naughty. Not as naugthy as diva child here but naughty in his own little way. Back in the day, I did spank Waki, hard. It was the time when he went batshit on me and threw a matchbox car  right at my face. If it hadn't been for my glasses, he would've hit me squarely in the right eye/nose bridge.I was astounded at how accurate he can aim considering I was several feet away from him when it happened.

I hit him once on the butt and it was so hard, he still remembers it to this day.

Needless to say he never pulled any stupid stunts like that again. However, in the case of this diva, I don't get what her deal is. I tried all sorts of techniques to get her to behave and I failed miserably each time. It came to a point where I can't even stand being near her, is that so bad? My mom said it's because the child is used to being spanked hard every time she does something bad. No amount of reasonable talk could get her to stop acting out.

Drool

"My ideal first date is to not fuck it up"

-Jonathan Rhys Meyer on Cosmo

Dude, Where's My Playlists?!

Now that my work load isn't as hectic as it used to, I figured I might as well organize my online play list at Imeem. Unfortunately, I discovered too late that Imeem no longer exists and it was merged with MySpace music. WTFH. What gives? The MySpace page prompted me to sign up for a free account in order to retrieve my old playlists. So I tried signing up for a MySpace account (I deleted my old one after I signed up for Facebook) and still they could not retrieve all my precious music.

Punyeta!

So now I have a useless account and still no freakin' playlist. What a mess.

Werk Update: It seems that it will take some time before I can find work again. I haven't heard from the last two clients that I talked to, which blows. I was hoping to start right away because I'm so bored, I can't stand not doing anything. Out of boredom, I signed up for a Flickr account, tried importing old pics from Multiply to Flickr but gave up halfway.

Grrrr...

Werking Out

There's a good chance that my older sister will leave the country to work in the Middle East, I'm very bummed about that. I just can't imagine being separated from her, we have been doing almost all things together  ever since we were kids. Haaay. I know it's for the greater good but I'm really against her plans. But then again, it's her decision and I have no intention of changing her mind.

This kinda dampen the plans I have for the rest of the year. Most of them includes her.

Back Doing Interviews

Since being let go by the old boss, I have been entertaining online interviews from prospective clients. One is a Yankee and the other is English. While I find offline interviews nerve-wracking, it is not the case when it is conducted via instant messengers.

In fact, I'm quite amused by them.

The English guy was expecting someone to do articles, link-building and other technical stuff at more than half the price I used to earn. Good lawrd, my part-time job pays more than what he was offering. I wonder if there's any writer who will actually agree to that kind of set-up. As for the Yankee, well the interview went great, on my end anyway. I knew that the price and my HK situation will be a problem. He was fine with the latter but I can tell he was taken aback by my asking fee. If I had been desperate enough, like maybe during the early years of my career, I would've gone with his fee but at this point, I refuse to take a step back. Especially since I'm way better at what I do now than I did three years ago. I know what you are thinking but on the contrary, I did not ask more than what I used to earn. I just opted with the old fee and put it under non-negotiable.

We also discussed about quota and that is always a sensitive issue for me, even more than the fees. As much as I hate to make a bad impression during an initial interview, I told him point blank that there is no way I'm going to be talked into doing ten articles in a single day. By principle, I refuse to do that at any price. Like I said, I've been in this business long enough to know what I can and what I can't do. I can do ten but that means I will have to resort to eating crackers and pee in a cup and that is not cool. Not cool at all. So might as well nip it at the bud. I think he got the message.

As entertaining as these interviews were, I do not like the fact that, in general, clients are looking for writers who are willing to work overtime at bargain prices. It's kinda frustrating. I know most of them are just doing it just to see if you will take the bait but  they need to stop thinking they could hire a whole freakin' team for the price of one. I just don't roll that way. This reminds of the time raket guy made the mistake of asking me do a webmaster's job. Tsk.

I wonder if I will ever find someone as great as my previous boss? Tsk. Why does he have to quit his business? It would've done great had he not pressured himself too much.

Goodbye Cash Cow

College

I came across an old college picture on Facebook. My Lawrd. Believe it or not, this was not me at my fattest. I shudder to think of coming across other older pics.

Bummer

The boss finally dropped the bomb I've been expecting since December, he is letting me go. The thing was, he was honest enough to admit way back in November that he was having financial difficulty, the reason why he let all my team mates go. It only made me wonder why it took him this long to let me go. While I had it coming, I'm still digesting the fact that I am technically jobless yet again. It just bums me out that the timing was rather bad, I'm supposed to be out of the country on February. I'm thinking if it's a good idea to find a new gig now or just wait it out until my vacation is over.

Tsk.

But it could be worse I'm just glad it's over and done with because the suspense was making me crazy!

Re-connection

So I attended the triple birthday celebration of Hannah, Paeng and Rene. It was great because I got to reconnect with old friends and my wish to belt out numerous love songs was fulfilled.

Of course, some people made me not forget about the fact that I "blew them off" from the last get-together.  I was told in passing that "di bale madami din namang naasar sayo eh". You know, sometimes I want to go on a lengthy monologue about it but I fear they won't really care to listen. Tsk. It just pisses me off sometimes. Obviously some things ticks me off and  I don't expect people to understand me and my strangeness. I just wish people would just 'fess up about it instead of letting slip snide remarks like that randomly.

I was actually wary of attending the party because I found out too late that most people in attendance are people I don't know. I'm not a fan of house parties to begin with. I'm the type who likes to go out and hang out in the nearest bar so I was doubly anxious about meeting new people on a house party. I know I don't mix well with other people. But except for short bouts of gastritis (maybe I was really anxious about it), everything was great. I met interesting people also. It was a nice experience.

Moving on, last night, I attended the despi of one of my oldest friends. He and his new wifey are Dubai-bound today. It was quite an experience because I have,yet again, reconnected with friends I haven't seen since high school. I had a great time. I wish I could hang out with the new couple back in the city but their time here in the PH is very limited. Haaay.

I also went shopping for travel bags for my upcoming trip. I'm very very excited about vacationing overseas for the first time, heheheeh! It's a very fun adventure and I can't wait!

Ten New Assholes For Jay Leno