Defying Gravity

One of the few issues that I was never open about is my relationship with my father. The fact is, my father and I always had an often volatile relationship which stemmed since childhood. It is one of those things that I never outgrew. We would always bicker about the most inane things. When I moved back in to my parents’ home last year, I knew it was only a matter of time before the whole cycle start all over again. It did the other day. We fought about something so silly. Next thing I knew, it escalated to a completely new level. Of course, this has always been the case but this time I fought back in the only language he knew. He said the most outrageous things. It always surprises me how warped my dad’s logic is.

To cut the long story short, I left our house and I came back here in the city. Despite the prospect of not seeing my mom and little brother for a long time, I felt that it was the necessary thing to do. My mom was devastated that I had to go because she always depended on me to do little things for her. She got used to seeing me lounging around and she thought I would stay for good. My brother is equally devastated.

I am hoping his young mind will not be able to grasp the true situation. I hate that he is coming across these types of drama at such an early age. Both of them begged me to stay. I wanted to, but the thing is, I would rather leave than put up with my father’s bullshit. I liked that there is open hostility between the two of us because I’m through pretending. I have no respect for the old man.

Not crying over the whole thing is probably the hardest thing I had to do. I was such a mess these past couple of days but I never allowed myself to cry over it. I believe I have grieved long enough and crying will just make things even sorrier.

I was looking forward on doing so many things in Tarlac like celebrating my birthday, taking Waki to the annual fair, attending Waki’s graduation from prep school. Unfortunately, the tide has turned and I am resigned to stay here in seclusion. So just to make it official, I am back in the city.

... Not the way I initially planned it to be but I’m here nonetheless.