Sentimental Bullshit

I was supposed to update my blog yesterday but for some weird reason, Blogger won't open. Then I realized, it's either Blogger is blocked here on the 27th floor or... my pc's retarded.

Anyways, so many changes are going on in my life right now, I can't hardly keep up. You know those kind of changes that comes so fast, you try to force yourself to slow down a bit and re-evaluate your life but you don't have time to deal with this or any other kind of sentimental bullshit so you do the next best thing: Ignore everything then go to hell.

In-between slaving away in the office (doing naughty stuff , not really working) and trying to enjoy the feeling of being in my own version of Literary HELL, believe me when say I'm feeling a little anxious. I'm always the person who hates changes and changes comes and comes and I get overwhelmed and I panic.

Well, the latest panic-inducing instance was Benny's resignation. Haaay, he totally broke my heart. He was my sole remaining bitch and he's leaving me. I tried everything to make him stay too. I got angry, I tried to talk him out of it, I pleaded then got angry again. Nothing worked.

Yesterday, Benny and I are out talking about the events that came to pass not too long ago. It was nice, laughing about the dumb things we (and by we, I mean my former WebDate Team) did and it also saddens me how much things have changed because pride got in the way of friendship. For that one shining moment there, I was sorry. Then I did what I do best, I ignored the feeling until finally, it died a silent death.

Anyways, Benny claims this post is gay.

Tina: I'm making a tribute blog post for yew
Tina: ... sort of...
Benny: That's very gay.

Sigh, Suddenly the work place got a whole lot lonelier.

Namimilipit na Tumbong

Tina: Ganyan ang gagawin kong diet regimen, kakain ng panis tas mag-tatae ako forevah
Benny: Masakit sya, mamimilipit ang tumbong mo.
Benny: Nagpa-shit sample pa ako sa hospital. it was fun.
Tina: Oh really? My Ghad, your life is one big adventure eh no?
Tina: You're... full of shit, literally.
Tina: BURN you sickly bastard, BUUURRRNNNN!!!!

*******

Benny: Sino si the Marijuana Den? Funny daw blog mo!
Benny: Parang sinabing kalbo yung nanay mo!
Benny: Puta payag ka nun!?!?!
Tina: Tanga, pede mong hingian ng damo yun no.

When Work Sucks You Dry

Thank God, I finally caught a break to update my blog. You know, when this year started out, I knew I'm in for a lot of change. What frustrates me about it is that, I was too lazy to actually prepare for these changes.

Since I lost my old account I've become busy as hell. Yeah I know I shouldn't be burdening you guys with this but man, it's been a hectic week. I barely have time to pick my nose.

Initially, I was thinking that since I'm kinda floating in and out of the office right now, I should be getting some slack but nooo. Last Monday, I was sick and shit but that didn't stop Hannah from dragging me along to meet a German guy. No, it wasn't anything remotely romantic, people. The guy wanted writers and he was pretty much hell-bent on hiring Hannah. I came along because A) I'm unemployed and I need amusement B) I'm too lazy to go home and C) Free Food

So I sat there, listening to them talk about stuff that doesn't really interest me. I mean, I myself, got lots of shit on my plate right now so really, I wasn't interested to do any freelance work (I've turned down most offers since I'm a lazy fucktoid) but for some reason I got talked into it.

Yeah, I didn't know what happened. Now I suddenly find myself working for this guy. I mean, the money's fine but money's not really tight right now (right, Mom?) but I did it anyways. There.

I wanna quit right away because I'm not really used to being pressured about work much more do freelance shit but I sort of can't cuz I'm so hiya I don't have the heart to tell him that: I hate porn. I hate porn so much you have nooo fucking idea. Oh well.

To add insult to injury, I'm getting lots of flak from my day job (y'know, my real job) Jesus, I'm forced against my will to produce ten blog articles with minimum of 300 words each posts. No that's not what I'm harping on and on about. It's bad enough I have to finish this shit in less than a day, I am forced to write about the most inane subjects known to man! Stuff that you have to research on. No, no fucking Wikipedia for this, man. God, I feel like my head is about to burst!

And the worst of all, most of my friends wanted to leave the company. I'm so sad about that. Haaay. Such is life. The German guy wanted to hire me for a full-time gig but I kinda don't see that happening anytime soon.

Well you know what? Fuck work, I don't curr.

The good news is that, I've become quite the social drinker. I know, I know. I can practically get drunk over a bottle of San Miguel Light but hey, at least I'm trying my best to loosen up, haha!

Man Boobs

Tina: You know what you need? Ask me!
Benny: ?
Tina: PROZAC!
Benny: Ha! Dati ko nang iniisip yan pero lalaki boobs ko, one of its many side-effects. Takot ako.....
Tina: Side effects nga ba yun?
Benny: Oo daw.
Tina: Dude, LALAKI BOOBS MO!
Tina: Tas pag magisa ka sa bahay... lam mo na...
Tina: Make y'know... lapirot your cocopuffs
Benny: Pwede ko na i-breastfuck etits ko?
Benny:Pero magpapatanggal muna ako ng ribs nun.

*********

Tina: He said, "I can spot an asshole when I see one"
Benny: He and his infallible wisdom
Tina: Why do you hate him so? I'm curious.
Benny: (send a message to Doy) Tina's asking why I hate you so
Doy:Because I'm fat and ugly. I am a loathesome piece of human trash that deserves only the worst. That's why you hate me. Oh, I almost forgot, my smile can kill anything with thyroid glands on a fifty yard radius, that's why I don't smile.

Update: This turned out to be my my 100th blog post. Asteg. Talamats sa inyong lahat... bow.

We All Float

Down there we all float. We All Float- Penny Wise The Clown

I know most of the iWeb pipol heard the news already (chika minit moment ito!) but I'm gonna say it anyways. HB is over and done. There. So that means over 50 people are now jobless. Which kinda makes you think, no?

I must admit this came as a surprise to me. HB, according to Fhay, was the first account in iWeb and so its kinda sad to see that times are a-changin'. I'm sad and shocked but not because I find myself suddenly jobless.

If anything, I should be glad HB is gone cuz I was planning on resigning from this account anyways. HB used to be the only obstacle that keeps me from getting more money. And I love money. So much. So. Much.

But now the idea that HB, being gone, slowly sinks in, I find that I have mixed feelings about it. I'm sad, shocked and worried about this little development.

I'm sad because I've worked with these guys for almost a year. Most of them have families to feed, got bills to pay and the likes. They didn't see it coming, pare.

I'm shocked that my boss didn't have the decency to keep us all in the loop. He chose to keep his pie-hole shut until today. Now everyone are more paranoid than ever.

I'm worried because over 50 people are suddenly plunged into uncertainty. I just hope they could all score a new gig real quick. I could only imagine how Sir Obet and Polgas are taking this news.

Make Boto Me

I'm in the running for Project Lafftrip's Awesomest Junk in the Trunk contest... ay wait... iba palang contest yun... It's the Top 10 PinakaDaBest na Humor Blogs ng Pilipinas. Yeah, the title pretty much sez it all, no? Actually, I thought this contest was over and done with but I found out yesterday na partial pa lang pala ang results. Eto po ang partial results. As you can see, malayo ang aking standing sa Top Ten so ibig sabihin malayong manalo ako. Which is a shame since kung mananalo sana ako eh balak kong magpa-mudmod ng kalendaryo, key chain at Snow Bear candies. Sayang no?

Anyways... help a sister out and vote for me! The mechanics: Nominate your top 3 or 5 favorite humor blogs, post your list in your blog then go HERE and let them know who you voted. Remember, don't forget to include THIS LINK in your respective articles.

Points for each blog you voted: Top 1 – 500 votes, Top 2 – 400 votes, Top 3 – 300 votes, Top 4 – 200 votes, Top 5 – 100 votes

Yeah, I think that's about it. Medyo hazy ang instructions eh. It's a bit tedious to do, that's why I'll understand kung di nyo gagawin. Gusto ko lang magyabang, wakekekeke!

Yun lang naman

Nuknukan ng Kakornihan

Tina: You always take my fondness of tilapias against me! You pig! I hatez youz! Look, I'll even say it in French...
Benny: Ah yes, The language of love...
Tina: I Hatex Youx.

*******

Tina: Nak nak
Benny: Who's there?
Tina: Dexter.
Benny: Dexter who?
Tina: Dexter, the last dinosaur, he's my friend and a whole lot more...
Benny: Tangina naman eh.
Tina: Dexter the last dinosaur, shows me a world I've never sawww.... before!
Benny: *nag walk-out*

My Pet Alien

This...

is

my baby bro

Joaquin...

ni-LBC galing... Davao!

Gosh, he's such a cutie! (Notice the first pic? He did his own version of my patented Nguso Pose! Mana sa ate!)

Nag-Shabu sa Podium

Me and my friends celebrated the New Year with a nice dinner somewhere in the Ortigas area. Some were not able to make it to the Christmas/New Year dinner but most are present. I had a lot of fun!

The Steamy Bitches
(although di sila kumpleto)

The Spices

The Rekados

The Soup
(might look good but don't be fooled, yo!)

The Pipol

The Kapre and The Rhae

The Gurls
(featuring: The Kapre)

The Eyebrows
(thanks to Benny)

Unfortunately, I was forced to do the cooking while Rosch and Anette wandered off somewhere and man... I couldn't quite figure out what went wrong with it. All I did was I threw the stuff into the pot just like what Benny did (he seemed to know what he's doing, bless him) but I must've been a bit overzealous with the whole chuck-it-all-in thing cuz the soup tasted a bit burnt, if that's possible! Literal, lasang sunog na soup.

Good thing my bitches were nice enough to help cover my ass by slurping down most of their "culinary masterpiece" , so none of the girls could taste their version of the soup and I'll look like I made a decent job cooking for them. Pathetic, I know.

Smelling Like Week-old Piss

Tina: Dewd, like we are soooo ganna win an academy award if ever we like, write a movie script. Like, grabeeeeh...
Benny: I know. Lagi kang mamamatay sa huli
Tina: Oo tas ikaw lagi yung sa scene na nire-rape ng sampung arabo, tatlong mascot ng Jalibi and sampung pares ni B1 at B2
Benny: Pero buhay pa rin... bebebebehbeh! Habang kumakain ako ng fish balls, inaagnas na ilong mo!
Tina: Pero yung butas mo sa pwet eh sing laki ng Japan.

*********

Tina: Benny on a serious note, I must tell you something. I know you probably don't know this but...
Benny: Go
Tina: You smell like week-old piss. WAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!!!
Benny: Limburger.
Tina: BURN, cuntrag, BUUUURRRN!!!

Paghahasik ng Lagim sa Vigan: Pictures and Schiz

Well the holidays came and went so fast, no? Usually I'd join the rest of my blogger friends and would try to either, enumerate my New Year's Resolution (only have one: Quit Smoking) or try to reminisce about my personal highs and lows during the past year except I didn't do anything life-changing as I've already mentioned one blog ago. Instead, I'll bore you using pics from my recent adventure up north.

To celebrate the end of 2007, I went on a back-packing trip to Vigan and it was fun and schiz! Okay, I must admit that I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of not feeling my ass for 9 hours or the fact that we don't know shit about the place (although we armed ourselves with not one, not two but three maps) but I did it and I'm glad I came. Here are the pics:

 

Vigan is wonderful, I love everything about it! More than reliving a bygone era, the place rocks. The people are generally nice (except for that old crone from Pagudpud. I hate her. She sucks.), the view iz the shit and the food was deliscioso!

Okay, I have a confession to make, I came because of the food. Sue me.

As a child, I've been surrounded by Ilocanos long enough to learn that they know how to get things done in the kitchen. If y'all haven't been or are planning a trip to Vigan, you might want to check out the longganisa, the pipian and the empanada (fuck sinanglao, it tastes just like a regular papaitan dish anyways)! I repeat: try the empanada, you won't be disappointed. It's delish plus, it's cheap as shit so that always sounds good to me.

After we went to Vigan, we decided to check out Pagudpud but I'll let the pictures do the talking.

Being away from work in a while I'm kinda sorry to be back here in the city. I mean it's nice to see familiar faces again, forcing myself to eat just half a cup of rice for lunch and dinner cuz I got horribly fat during the holidays (No breakfast, no merienda. It's funner to die of Ulcer, I always say), learning how everyone spent the holidays, amusing myself with the usual office chatter like I used to but I find it slightly unsettling to feel the same restlessness creeping in, the same kind that drove me up north in the first place. Hay, I'm hoping it's because everyone are still on vacation mode at nakakagaya lang ako.

I gotta say though, I got a lot of "interesting gifts" last Christmas and just for kicks, I'll show you the most notable gift I received and it's from my good friend, Rebel Hunt of The Geek Revolution:


I shit you not, my friend. Now in order to properly do a Paris, all I need is a bloated ego, hahahaha! Oh, wait...

Kuyukot Moments

Tina: Chong, gusto kong lumamon ng lumamon, I swear. Fuck dieting to hell!!!
Benny: Dieting is overrated
Tina: But when I think about the 30lbs I lost it makes my kuyukot shudder... in a non-sexual way, of course.
Benny: Mmmm... kuyukot

*********

Tina: Why do you have to ruin my effing day? Why, Bennyment? Why? Why?
Benny: Cuz that's how we roll....
Tina: Word.
Benny: *biglang sakay ng fx na nagpapatugtog ng Salbakuta*

**********

Tina: Borednizzle my schizzle
Benny: Boredness is your schlong?
Tina: Yesh
Tina: A very long... boring schlong. True story.
Benny: Ashteg