I sorta ran into trouble with someone this morning that totally cost me a hefty paycheck. Just when I thought I was opening a can of whoopass, igh! I have to start learning how to play my cards right, hay.
So... since my friend/ex-office mate became my neighbor I have inadvertently opened my home for other people as well. While it is nice to socialize and stuff, I'm not used to the new set up. In addition to that, my sister started complaining that this friend of mine if invading her space. Of course, I wanted to make the guy feel as welcome as possible because I want to be a good neighbor and we have known each other for a while.
However, I do feel that certain lines have to be drawn. One particular incident that triggered my sister's ire was when the guy let himself in to our house when I was not around (I was brushing my teeth somewhere while my sister was watching in the living room) without even asking my sister if he can come in. She told me about it and I was kind of pissed about it as well.
When I told the guy about the vacancy, I knew there's going to be some changes once he moves in with his family but I didn't really think I'd have to open the doors to my own apartment as well. One of the reason why I rarely tell people I know where I live is that I value my space so much, I cannot risk anyone dropping by unannounced. And now, to have a guy spring up to our doorstep at odd hours, it really annoys me.
I have been thinking of ways how to confront him about it. Of course, confrontation often leads to animosity and I really don't want to mess this up because he is a genuinely nice guy and in his mind, he is not doing anything wrong. But I really have no idea how to tell him to stop showing up at my place like it's a goddamned coffee shop. I don't show up at his place, I don't see why he can't at least ask if he can come in.
The fact is, my apartment can get stuffy at times and let's just say I often look like a greasy swamp rat when I'm at home. I never looked presentable when I'm inside my goddamned apartment and I do not want to make an effort to look decent at all, you know? Basically, I want to be alone, grease and all, I do not like to be disturbed and I don't want anyone seeing me in my natural habitat. Is that so bad?
Ugh,
I'm in such a pickle.
Oh. I almost forgot, I heard we'd be seeing a blue moon tonight, awesome!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Week After
Things have been relatively quiet after the last clusterfuck of a week I had. PM dear was also quiet... too quiet. I have a couple theories. It's either she got one helluva sermon from the boss and she is taking that against me or I'm about to be fired.
Do I sound crazy?
I don't know about you but I sort of have a sixth sense that can sense shit like this. Most of the time I can tell, feel and smell when things are about to go batshit on me. I seem to have picked this thing long ago, not that I enjoy knowing I'm about to get fired. You can't say it's paranoia (though sometimes it is) because there have been many situations where I was freakin' right on the money... or lack thereof. So there. My prediction is that by the month's end, I will be let go for God knows what reason.
The feeling was so strong that I actually started entertaining exams and whatnot. Of course, this is actually the perfect time for the company to let me go. I have grown bored with what I'm doing and with the whole homebased set up in general. I want to go back working in a real office. Incidentally, a friend of mine told me she is about to hunt for a job and she would be absolutely delighted if we go hunting together. I'm considering this offer mostly because all my new outfits from HK are now reduced to shitload of dustbunnies I want to search for meaning in my life I miss having a sense of purpose I'm bored. So if things do not go according to plan, I might be reviving my social life and get a job offline at the same time. oh, what fun.
In other news, an old colleague of mine became my neighbor last Tuesday. It's great because now I do not have to worry about dying in utter boredom when Lent comes rolling in. I could simply drag my ass to the next apartment and just like magic, I have an audience for my world renowned verbal diarrhea.
How awesome is that!?
Hahaha! On a serious note, I couldn't be happier because I have been bracing myself for a week long of bore that I could not gather enough enthusiasm to do much else. I pretty much think April will be a life-changing month for me. Though there are some uncertainties here and there, I'm sort of looking forward to a couple of things. Hopefully both would turn out great.
Cheers for optimism.
Do I sound crazy?
I don't know about you but I sort of have a sixth sense that can sense shit like this. Most of the time I can tell, feel and smell when things are about to go batshit on me. I seem to have picked this thing long ago, not that I enjoy knowing I'm about to get fired. You can't say it's paranoia (though sometimes it is) because there have been many situations where I was freakin' right on the money... or lack thereof. So there. My prediction is that by the month's end, I will be let go for God knows what reason.
The feeling was so strong that I actually started entertaining exams and whatnot. Of course, this is actually the perfect time for the company to let me go. I have grown bored with what I'm doing and with the whole homebased set up in general. I want to go back working in a real office. Incidentally, a friend of mine told me she is about to hunt for a job and she would be absolutely delighted if we go hunting together. I'm considering this offer mostly because all my new outfits from HK are now reduced to shitload of dustbunnies I want to search for meaning in my life I miss having a sense of purpose I'm bored. So if things do not go according to plan, I might be reviving my social life and get a job offline at the same time. oh, what fun.
In other news, an old colleague of mine became my neighbor last Tuesday. It's great because now I do not have to worry about dying in utter boredom when Lent comes rolling in. I could simply drag my ass to the next apartment and just like magic, I have an audience for my world renowned verbal diarrhea.
How awesome is that!?
Hahaha! On a serious note, I couldn't be happier because I have been bracing myself for a week long of bore that I could not gather enough enthusiasm to do much else. I pretty much think April will be a life-changing month for me. Though there are some uncertainties here and there, I'm sort of looking forward to a couple of things. Hopefully both would turn out great.
Cheers for optimism.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Grrrr
I have been having the worst week. Ever since I came back home for my cousin's wedding, things have been shitty. First, I was deemed as "unproductive" by my so-called PM. She had the audacity to tell me not to take offense when she said those words. Here's the situation. I reached my first month with the new client and I was up for a performance review. So far, the boss and the "PM" told me I was doing a good job. Suddenly, PM dear sent word that I was being unproductive. In my years as a writer, this is the first time I was called as such and I was understandably confused because I knew I was doing everything they asked me to. She never gave any explanations, saying that's what she and the client agreed on.
Now, I'm no fool. I have worked side by side with some of the worst PMs on the face of the planet and let's say I know exactly how they work. My suspicion is that she just wanted to up the quota to make herself look good on the client, the same way that good ol' Sam made the whole Angels work two days non-stop to make himself look good on the client. I got suspicious because I talked to the client way before and he said I was doing an excellent job. Something was very very fishy. So I told her that we agreed on the quota a long time ago and she never said anything about increasing it. Had I known she would do something like that, I never would have taken the job because I am very particular about quotas. Again, she never offered any explanation and it just made me even more suspicious.
I did the only logical thing to do, I talked to the company's president and boy, oh, boy, he confirmed my suspicions. He said he was very satisfied with my work and that it was the PM's idea to up the quota because "she feels that 5 articles in 8 hours is not enough". I voiced out my displeasure over the whole thing and made sure the client knew exactly what I feel. Surprises of all surprises, the company president apologized about the situation and made it clear that I did nothing wrong.
You know, this PM of mine, she must've thought I'm the type who stands around for shit like this.She must have thought that I'm the type who just takes everything in with not as much as a peep. Well, I do my research and I will talk to the client to confirm everything she says because clearly, she is feeding me bs and I'm not having it.
I never thought of her as the type who'd do things to impress his boss at other people's expense. Well, fuck that. I do what is asked of me and I work just as hard as every one else. I will not let someone tarnish my perfectly clean record, not without a helluva bitch fight. I wanted to quit working for them actually and I'm thinking that if I do quit and it's because of her bs, I will not hesitate to call her out on the boss.
Another thing that made this week extremely challenging (in a bad way) is that I seem to be spending more and more time arguing with members of the family. I try my best to just suck it in and keep a straight face but there are some moments when they give you bullshit. I just hate it. The worst part is that there is nothing I can do about it. During my birthday, I spent the bulk of the day alone and miserable because I had a rift with a certain person and then I held a two-weeks delayed celebration and I had another argument with another member of the family. Seriously, I can't get a break these days. Can I not have a decent celebration without anyone raining on the whole fucking parade? Instead of actually enjoying the moment with friends, I was marinating in misery. Haaay.
I try to keep the peace and just move on because I pretty much don't have a choice but some people, they're just out to ruin everything. It irritates me that I get bothered with these stuff when I don't have to. I want to think all the bad things that happened last month was behind me now but there are just some people who keeps reminding me all about it every single time.
I just wish they would just leave me alone.
Now, I'm no fool. I have worked side by side with some of the worst PMs on the face of the planet and let's say I know exactly how they work. My suspicion is that she just wanted to up the quota to make herself look good on the client, the same way that good ol' Sam made the whole Angels work two days non-stop to make himself look good on the client. I got suspicious because I talked to the client way before and he said I was doing an excellent job. Something was very very fishy. So I told her that we agreed on the quota a long time ago and she never said anything about increasing it. Had I known she would do something like that, I never would have taken the job because I am very particular about quotas. Again, she never offered any explanation and it just made me even more suspicious.
I did the only logical thing to do, I talked to the company's president and boy, oh, boy, he confirmed my suspicions. He said he was very satisfied with my work and that it was the PM's idea to up the quota because "she feels that 5 articles in 8 hours is not enough". I voiced out my displeasure over the whole thing and made sure the client knew exactly what I feel. Surprises of all surprises, the company president apologized about the situation and made it clear that I did nothing wrong.
You know, this PM of mine, she must've thought I'm the type who stands around for shit like this.She must have thought that I'm the type who just takes everything in with not as much as a peep. Well, I do my research and I will talk to the client to confirm everything she says because clearly, she is feeding me bs and I'm not having it.
I never thought of her as the type who'd do things to impress his boss at other people's expense. Well, fuck that. I do what is asked of me and I work just as hard as every one else. I will not let someone tarnish my perfectly clean record, not without a helluva bitch fight. I wanted to quit working for them actually and I'm thinking that if I do quit and it's because of her bs, I will not hesitate to call her out on the boss.
Another thing that made this week extremely challenging (in a bad way) is that I seem to be spending more and more time arguing with members of the family. I try my best to just suck it in and keep a straight face but there are some moments when they give you bullshit. I just hate it. The worst part is that there is nothing I can do about it. During my birthday, I spent the bulk of the day alone and miserable because I had a rift with a certain person and then I held a two-weeks delayed celebration and I had another argument with another member of the family. Seriously, I can't get a break these days. Can I not have a decent celebration without anyone raining on the whole fucking parade? Instead of actually enjoying the moment with friends, I was marinating in misery. Haaay.
I try to keep the peace and just move on because I pretty much don't have a choice but some people, they're just out to ruin everything. It irritates me that I get bothered with these stuff when I don't have to. I want to think all the bad things that happened last month was behind me now but there are just some people who keeps reminding me all about it every single time.
I just wish they would just leave me alone.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Rak en Roll Days
I finally figured out the access codes for my old Slide.com profile! I watched most of the old slides I did and I still can't believe it's been more than four years since we produced a rock event. Hay, I miss those days :(
Sending all my love to the Angels XOXO
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Reading Stuff
I just hauled my ass away from work to buy a couple of books by Edith Wharton. One is titled House of Mirth and the other is titled The Age Of Innocence. I have seen both books' film adaptation but have not read them. Since I'm bored to tears I might as well do something worthwhile. I loved the story of House of Mirth not because of Eric Stoltz, but because I'm attracted to the tragic ending. So far, I've read the first two chapters and I'm loving it more. I think I need to go home in order to enjoy the book even more.
AwesooOooOooomeness!
AwesooOooOooomeness!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Fly Boi Retarns
Yep, indeed. He is back. I was trying in vain to take a cat nap when he called to say hi. All the while I thought he was overseas but apparently, he is back in town and as he stressed, very single. As it turns out, he had to fix a lot of documents which is why he is here and that he wanted to go out for coffee sometime next week. We mostly chit-chatted things about what happened in his two years of absence and how he missed my birthday.
Later that night we met up for coffee and beer and stuff. So now I'm very hung over. My GooooOOooooOood.
Later that night we met up for coffee and beer and stuff. So now I'm very hung over. My GooooOOooooOood.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Coupling
I just got word that the Social Butterfly is finally getting married. While I'm absolutely thrilled about it, I'm not quite sure I believe the whole love-at-first-sight shit they keep talking about. You see, they have only known each other for three months... ONLINE. They only saw each other once before when the guy left for the PH to meet her in person. According to my sister, the guy was so smitten with her that he asked her to marry him right away.
WOW.
I don't know if I just lack the faith for it or that maybe I am far too inexperienced with matters of the heart but I'm blown away with their story, and not in a good way. Oh, well. I never believed in love at first sight anyway but I'm seriously praying those two know what they are getting themselves into. Cheers for the happy couple.
I will attend the wedding of course. Unfortunately, I do not have a great outfit yet. I'm leaving everything to my sister's very capable hands.
Moving on, Krissy and Pakwan are now a couple, officially. Pakwan called me up last night to break the good news. Look, this is a once in a lifetime experience, my best guy friend and my best girl friend are hooking up. It took them almost five years to do it but now they made it official! I couldn't be more happy for Krissy because I know for a fact that Pakwan will do anything to take care of her :)Plus I actually threatened Pakwan to keep her happy or else I'd go there to bitchslap him til kingdom come.
So this means I'm fated to be the third wheel forever and ever XD My GooooOOOoooOOod. I wish he would hook me up with that cute brother of his, nyohohohohohoh! ZOMGWhatAmISaying?!
WOW.
I don't know if I just lack the faith for it or that maybe I am far too inexperienced with matters of the heart but I'm blown away with their story, and not in a good way. Oh, well. I never believed in love at first sight anyway but I'm seriously praying those two know what they are getting themselves into. Cheers for the happy couple.
I will attend the wedding of course. Unfortunately, I do not have a great outfit yet. I'm leaving everything to my sister's very capable hands.
Moving on, Krissy and Pakwan are now a couple, officially. Pakwan called me up last night to break the good news. Look, this is a once in a lifetime experience, my best guy friend and my best girl friend are hooking up. It took them almost five years to do it but now they made it official! I couldn't be more happy for Krissy because I know for a fact that Pakwan will do anything to take care of her :)Plus I actually threatened Pakwan to keep her happy or else I'd go there to bitchslap him til kingdom come.
So this means I'm fated to be the third wheel forever and ever XD My GooooOOOoooOOod. I wish he would hook me up with that cute brother of his, nyohohohohohoh! ZOMGWhatAmISaying?!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Into Writing
I'm planning to write a book. No, I wasn't given any offers to do it, it's just one of those things that I do just because. The truth is, it's been a lifelong dream of mine to write one. Unfortunately, I do not have any formal training. I know shit when it comes to tricks of the trade and I do not plan to have it released, even if I have a real shot at it. I just want to chennl my energy into something creative. Plus, I think it would help me cope with whatever shit I have going right now.
I even have a title for it and I have a great idea how to start writing the story, it just came to me out of nowhere. I wasn't doing anything remotely inspiring, which is funny when I think about it. The main character's name will be Laurie, a girl in her mid-30's. It starts with her getting a call from her mom and she receive a shocking news that will lead her to a journey back to her bad childhood. It's kinda sappy, actually. She will come into terms with her issues and discover why her life turn out the way it did.
I'm pretty excited to start writing it. Also, I started writing poetry as well. I never told anyone but apart from drawing, writing poetry is a common hobby of mine as a kid. Actually I wrote songs at first. Back in the 90's, I wished one of the popular bands would buy them from me. You know those folded papers that comes with cassette tapes? My cousin had lots of cassette tapes from different bands. Though I didn't listen to any songs from my cousin's collection, nor did I appreciate any of them, I read every one of those folded papers. I discovered that many bands were thanking some people who wrote this song or that song for the band. That's when I hatched a plan to compose songs till I get good enough to send it to my favorite band. Too bad my fave band then was the Moffats (my Gooooodddd, I wanna daiiiiiii) and there was no way for me to send the songs I created plus, I know they wrote their own songs, hehehehhe.
Around the same time, I started writing poems as well. I wrote heinous amounts of it between grade school till college. Most of them got destroyed because our house got flooded in 2004. I stopped writing poems like, five years ago because there's nothing to write about anymore. To be honest, my life just became less and less inspiring as I grew older. Well, I did create a couple every now and then but they are mostly lacking in everything and I just ended up using it to wipe my ass.
But last week I created a blog site and wrote two poems. Two short ones. And no one can make me say where these poems are because I'd rather die in a fire than have everyone know I wrote those shit. I'm not saying I did a bad job at it, I'm okay if people read it as long as the author remains anonymous, y'know?
Anyways... I got a couple of comments about the poems. Which was surprising because the comments came a day after the poems were created. Also, I was so sure I set the damn site in private but turns out I didn't. So there. I didn't approve any of them because I do not want to encourage any emo conversation with strangers. Grabeh, ang sama-sama ko naman, hahaha! But yeah, that's the truth.I don't want people to know where it is all coming from.
I want to create something other than boringass credit card articles. I think I might go insane if I don't. So far, composing poems made me feel better.I will not go as far as say that it made me find inner peace but it is quite therapeutic. Cliche, I know but that's the truth. These days, I'd take anything if it will help me cope with the surrounding bullshit.
I feel sorry that I only got to do this again now because there were many moments in my hiatus that I was struck with inspiration. I never made any efforts to turn inspiration into poems because during those times I felt no need for an outlet. Doing it now takes me back to the good ol' days.
It's a nice feeling.
I even have a title for it and I have a great idea how to start writing the story, it just came to me out of nowhere. I wasn't doing anything remotely inspiring, which is funny when I think about it. The main character's name will be Laurie, a girl in her mid-30's. It starts with her getting a call from her mom and she receive a shocking news that will lead her to a journey back to her bad childhood. It's kinda sappy, actually. She will come into terms with her issues and discover why her life turn out the way it did.
I'm pretty excited to start writing it. Also, I started writing poetry as well. I never told anyone but apart from drawing, writing poetry is a common hobby of mine as a kid. Actually I wrote songs at first. Back in the 90's, I wished one of the popular bands would buy them from me. You know those folded papers that comes with cassette tapes? My cousin had lots of cassette tapes from different bands. Though I didn't listen to any songs from my cousin's collection, nor did I appreciate any of them, I read every one of those folded papers. I discovered that many bands were thanking some people who wrote this song or that song for the band. That's when I hatched a plan to compose songs till I get good enough to send it to my favorite band. Too bad my fave band then was the Moffats (my Gooooodddd, I wanna daiiiiiii) and there was no way for me to send the songs I created plus, I know they wrote their own songs, hehehehhe.
Around the same time, I started writing poems as well. I wrote heinous amounts of it between grade school till college. Most of them got destroyed because our house got flooded in 2004. I stopped writing poems like, five years ago because there's nothing to write about anymore. To be honest, my life just became less and less inspiring as I grew older. Well, I did create a couple every now and then but they are mostly lacking in everything and I just ended up using it to wipe my ass.
But last week I created a blog site and wrote two poems. Two short ones. And no one can make me say where these poems are because I'd rather die in a fire than have everyone know I wrote those shit. I'm not saying I did a bad job at it, I'm okay if people read it as long as the author remains anonymous, y'know?
Anyways... I got a couple of comments about the poems. Which was surprising because the comments came a day after the poems were created. Also, I was so sure I set the damn site in private but turns out I didn't. So there. I didn't approve any of them because I do not want to encourage any emo conversation with strangers. Grabeh, ang sama-sama ko naman, hahaha! But yeah, that's the truth.I don't want people to know where it is all coming from.
I want to create something other than boringass credit card articles. I think I might go insane if I don't. So far, composing poems made me feel better.I will not go as far as say that it made me find inner peace but it is quite therapeutic. Cliche, I know but that's the truth. These days, I'd take anything if it will help me cope with the surrounding bullshit.
I feel sorry that I only got to do this again now because there were many moments in my hiatus that I was struck with inspiration. I never made any efforts to turn inspiration into poems because during those times I felt no need for an outlet. Doing it now takes me back to the good ol' days.
It's a nice feeling.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Home Improvement
I've already started making small changes in the apartment. The first one was to replace the old TV we had. To be honest, I have been waiting for it to break down but the lil' bastard just wouldn't go without a fight. In the end, it stopped working. However, it broke down on the worst time because I just got back from HK when it did and I had to replace it right away because I don't think I can handle a single day without TV. So... there. I bought a 32" LCD TV, isn't that awesome? So far it's been working like a dream. The only downnside is that our cable provider do not have HD settings yet so some channels are not as sharp.
Well, you can't have everything.
Also, I started throwing away stuff that have accumulated in the apartment. From small tables to useless shirts, I threw everything I didn't need. We sort of got inspired to start tidying up our place because we have a new room mate, it's her HS friend who is somewhat a neat freak. Anyway, she did a lot to improve our home so we figured we might as well help, hahahaha!
We are also up for screening windows, improving the pipes and other stuff this weekend. Hoepfully all the repairmen will show up for it. So many to do, so many gastos, my Ghaaaaaaaaad.
Well, you can't have everything.
Also, I started throwing away stuff that have accumulated in the apartment. From small tables to useless shirts, I threw everything I didn't need. We sort of got inspired to start tidying up our place because we have a new room mate, it's her HS friend who is somewhat a neat freak. Anyway, she did a lot to improve our home so we figured we might as well help, hahahaha!
We are also up for screening windows, improving the pipes and other stuff this weekend. Hoepfully all the repairmen will show up for it. So many to do, so many gastos, my Ghaaaaaaaaad.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Celebration
So I'm celebrating a rather dismal birthday today. First off, I can't have a decent party because most people I know either have work on the night shift or are out of the country. It's so freakin' sad. Additionally, my on-going feud with a certain member of the "family" prevents me from going home to visit my mom and Waki. I think it's safe to say I am not looking forward to this birthday and that's saying something considering I'm a big fan of birthdays in general.
To be honest, I had no plans to celebrate. I feel I had no reason for it. I've been away for so long and I haven't really made any effort to re-connect with people. This is the main reason why I have not told anyone I was already back in the city. I just can't bring myself to face people and socialize. I know it sounds like I'm emo or whatever but it's not. I just don't want... talk. I want to just wander off somewhere and be left alone.
But I suppose that was just too pathetic for my sister to take.
She had to actually egg me on to invite other people to attend a make-shift party. So far none of the people I expected to go are attending but amazingly, a couple of super busybodies have confirmed. While I am not taking the whole "sorry-I-can't-go" bit hard (who the hell goes to videoke bars on Wednesday nights, anyways?!)In fact, if I were the invited to a sudden celebration in the middle of the week, I would've also said no.
I do feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing some people will actually go the trouble of taking time off from their busy schedule to celebrate with me. I told them point-blank that I was hesitant to invite them because for one thing, it's the shortest of all notices and second, they have work/classes they need to do. However, as the day dragged on, I heard one cancellation after another to the point that I nixed the whole thing altogether. Of course, I managed to piss off some people in the end and I apologized profusely for it. The last thing I expected was to be seen like an ass on my birthday but there's just no sense in the whole celebration thing anymore and I wanted to put a stop to the whole pathetic spectacle before it goes from bad to worse.
Of course, there are some who snubbed me altogether, which was the most surprising thing of all. It's surprising because they were not the type of people who do that. Do I deserve it? I have no clue. But I am extremely disappointed. Obviously it's either they have very good reason for the brush off (of course there is just no reason good enough to justify the action but what do I know) or as my sister subtlety puts it, maybe they don't like me as much as I like them. I think I can say with certainty that it's leaning towards the latter.
Contrary to what people think of me, this is not about me being self-centered. In fact, I knew people will not come. They have their own reasons and I do understand. But I suppose I expected some form of courtesy from people I consider as friends. I know I'm not really the most likeable person on the planet, in fact, I'm well-aware I make it difficult for people to like me but being snubbed is something new to me. It's something I don't do unless a person did something truly wretched to me. I know I've been away for so long but I think being brushed off is a bit extreme, don't you agree? I don't understand it and I will not pretend that I do but if that's the way they roll then I can't do anything about it.
And I was so looking forward on seeing most of them and handing out pasalubong from my trip. I guess I just wasted my energy after all. Meh.
Of course it was not all disappointments and cancellations. I also got several calls from various friends and relatives, all of them got lots of interesting stories to tell. I appreciate the fact that Pakwan himself called me up all the way from Italy to greet me. Of course, Krissy beat him to it but that's just how Kris and I roll, hahaha! I've always regarded both as best friends and talking to them even for a short period of time never fails to cheer me up. Honestly, I needed a friend on that special day and some people do rise to the occasion. Itt gives me great comfort knowing that when all things fail, I'll always have those two... plus my sister, hahaha! Speaking of which...
My sister and a common friend went ahead with our initial plan, go to a KTV bar sans the people I invited over and it was a surprisingly grgeat ending to one of the most horrendous birthdays of my life. I opened the night with a horrifying rendition of "Love Me For A Reason" and ended it with a underwhelming "Stay".
So there. I still feel bad about the whole thing, I really do. But then again, I might do better at 27.
To be honest, I had no plans to celebrate. I feel I had no reason for it. I've been away for so long and I haven't really made any effort to re-connect with people. This is the main reason why I have not told anyone I was already back in the city. I just can't bring myself to face people and socialize. I know it sounds like I'm emo or whatever but it's not. I just don't want... talk. I want to just wander off somewhere and be left alone.
But I suppose that was just too pathetic for my sister to take.
She had to actually egg me on to invite other people to attend a make-shift party. So far none of the people I expected to go are attending but amazingly, a couple of super busybodies have confirmed. While I am not taking the whole "sorry-I-can't-go" bit hard (who the hell goes to videoke bars on Wednesday nights, anyways?!)In fact, if I were the invited to a sudden celebration in the middle of the week, I would've also said no.
I do feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing some people will actually go the trouble of taking time off from their busy schedule to celebrate with me. I told them point-blank that I was hesitant to invite them because for one thing, it's the shortest of all notices and second, they have work/classes they need to do. However, as the day dragged on, I heard one cancellation after another to the point that I nixed the whole thing altogether. Of course, I managed to piss off some people in the end and I apologized profusely for it. The last thing I expected was to be seen like an ass on my birthday but there's just no sense in the whole celebration thing anymore and I wanted to put a stop to the whole pathetic spectacle before it goes from bad to worse.
Of course, there are some who snubbed me altogether, which was the most surprising thing of all. It's surprising because they were not the type of people who do that. Do I deserve it? I have no clue. But I am extremely disappointed. Obviously it's either they have very good reason for the brush off (of course there is just no reason good enough to justify the action but what do I know) or as my sister subtlety puts it, maybe they don't like me as much as I like them. I think I can say with certainty that it's leaning towards the latter.
Contrary to what people think of me, this is not about me being self-centered. In fact, I knew people will not come. They have their own reasons and I do understand. But I suppose I expected some form of courtesy from people I consider as friends. I know I'm not really the most likeable person on the planet, in fact, I'm well-aware I make it difficult for people to like me but being snubbed is something new to me. It's something I don't do unless a person did something truly wretched to me. I know I've been away for so long but I think being brushed off is a bit extreme, don't you agree? I don't understand it and I will not pretend that I do but if that's the way they roll then I can't do anything about it.
And I was so looking forward on seeing most of them and handing out pasalubong from my trip. I guess I just wasted my energy after all. Meh.
Of course it was not all disappointments and cancellations. I also got several calls from various friends and relatives, all of them got lots of interesting stories to tell. I appreciate the fact that Pakwan himself called me up all the way from Italy to greet me. Of course, Krissy beat him to it but that's just how Kris and I roll, hahaha! I've always regarded both as best friends and talking to them even for a short period of time never fails to cheer me up. Honestly, I needed a friend on that special day and some people do rise to the occasion. Itt gives me great comfort knowing that when all things fail, I'll always have those two... plus my sister, hahaha! Speaking of which...
My sister and a common friend went ahead with our initial plan, go to a KTV bar sans the people I invited over and it was a surprisingly grgeat ending to one of the most horrendous birthdays of my life. I opened the night with a horrifying rendition of "Love Me For A Reason" and ended it with a underwhelming "Stay".
So there. I still feel bad about the whole thing, I really do. But then again, I might do better at 27.
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