Celebration

So I'm celebrating a rather dismal birthday today. First off, I can't have a decent party because most people I know either have work on the night shift or are out of the country. It's so freakin' sad. Additionally, my on-going feud with a certain member of the "family" prevents me from going home to visit my mom and Waki. I think it's safe to say I am not looking forward to this birthday and that's saying something considering I'm a big fan of birthdays in general.

To be honest, I had no plans to celebrate. I feel I had no reason for it. I've been away for so long and I haven't really made any effort to re-connect with people. This is the main reason why I have not told anyone I was already back in the city. I just can't bring myself to face people and socialize. I know it sounds like I'm emo or whatever but it's not. I just don't want... talk. I want to just wander off somewhere and be left alone.

But I suppose that was just too pathetic for my sister to take.

She had to actually egg me on to invite other people to attend a make-shift party. So far none of the people I expected to go are attending but amazingly, a couple of super busybodies have confirmed. While I am not taking the whole "sorry-I-can't-go"  bit hard (who the hell goes to videoke bars on Wednesday nights, anyways?!)In fact, if I were the invited to a sudden celebration in the middle of the week, I would've also said no.

I do feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing some people will actually go the trouble of taking time off from their busy schedule to celebrate with me. I told them point-blank that I was hesitant to invite them because for one thing, it's the shortest of all notices and second, they have work/classes they need to do. However, as the day dragged on, I heard one cancellation after another to the point that I nixed the whole thing altogether. Of course, I managed to piss off some people in the end and I apologized profusely for it. The last thing I expected was to be seen like an ass on my birthday but there's just no sense in the whole celebration thing anymore and I wanted to put a stop to the whole pathetic spectacle before it goes from bad to worse.

Of course, there are some who snubbed me altogether, which was the most surprising thing of all. It's surprising because they were not the type of people who do that. Do I deserve it? I have no clue. But I am extremely disappointed. Obviously it's either they have very good reason for the brush off (of course there is just no reason good enough to justify the action but what do I know) or as my sister subtlety puts it, maybe they don't like me as much as I like them. I think I can say with certainty that it's leaning towards the latter.

Contrary to what people think of me, this is not about me being self-centered. In fact, I knew people will not come. They have their own reasons and I do understand. But I suppose I expected some form of courtesy from people I consider as friends. I know I'm not really the most likeable person on the planet, in fact, I'm well-aware I make it difficult for people to like me but being snubbed is something new to me. It's something I don't do unless a person did something truly wretched to me. I know I've been away for so long but I think being brushed off is a bit extreme, don't you agree? I don't understand it and I will not pretend that I do but if that's the way they roll then I can't do anything about it.

And I was so looking forward on seeing most of them and handing out pasalubong from my trip. I guess I just wasted my energy after all. Meh.

Of course it was not all disappointments and cancellations. I also got several calls from various friends and relatives, all of them got lots of interesting stories to tell. I appreciate the fact that Pakwan himself called me up all the way from Italy to greet me. Of course, Krissy beat him to it but that's just how Kris and I roll, hahaha! I've always regarded both as best friends and talking to them even for a short period of time never fails to cheer me up. Honestly, I needed a friend on that special day and some people do rise to the occasion. Itt gives me great comfort knowing that when all things fail, I'll always have those two... plus my sister, hahaha! Speaking of which...

My sister and a common friend went ahead with our initial plan, go to a KTV bar sans the people I invited over and it was a surprisingly grgeat ending to one of the most horrendous birthdays of my life. I opened the night with a horrifying rendition of "Love Me For A Reason" and ended it with a underwhelming "Stay".

So there. I still feel bad about the whole thing, I really do. But then again, I might do better at 27.