Who Needs Enemies...

Since I'm finally getting a break, I can once again afford to blog about mudane stuff. Rhae and I got talking last night. Out of nowhere, she pointed out something that blew me away. Check out this picture:

You will notice that the same girl got her image posted on a painting with the numbers 1920-1921 and a trash bin. In this picture, she is obviously conveyed as a dead person and a piece of garbage at the same time. By people she considers her friends. Wow. She even wrote a painfully long poem about how she misses every single person in this picture. I think, even after all these years, she still didn't catch on the real meaning of this piece of shit.

Although I have seen this picture a few years back, I really didn't take much notice because most of these guys are so not worth my time (Whooa. Especially now.) but now that I looked closely, I can't help but feel bad for this girl because I do consider her one of my friends even if she clearly has problems prioritizing people in her life. It's so incredible that this girl even cherises this picture so much when obviously the person wo made this picture (no doubt one of the boys in this very pic) thinks so lowly of her. They need to stop treating her like a damn mascot and she shouldn't put up with these kinds of people.

Pity.

Fingers Crossed

A bit of a good news. I found me a new client.I took on the job from this guy. I decided that well, I'm moving forward and it can't hurt to try again. So far I can say that this move is probably one of my better decisions. I'm kind of enjoying what I'm doing. I'm not gloating or anything it's just that after a series of rough patches, this is a welcome change. The thing is, I'm somewhat paranoid about how well things are going. It's like... too good.

You see, my client seemed like a nice chap. He's a soldier-turned-online marketer and he seemed like the type who (hopefully) wouldn't screw people (meaning me) over. He is very lax with the quota, too lax. At the beginning of the negotiation, I asked him point-blank how many articles is he expecting in a day's work. He nonchalantly said he doesn't have a number. Just write the articles at a pace that I'm comfortable with. He does expect a progress report at the end of the day, which is obviously a given. It was amazing. It was perfect because I tend to suck at what I do when impossibly high quotas keeps hovering over my head.

When we got talking via Skype he showed me several websites as well as the site from which I'll write content for.I was excited. This is something I never done before. I told him I know squat about SEO and he said he is more than willing to train me since he is also new to the whole online marketing biz. Any person in my situation would've said yes in a heartbeat. He is offering me a huge pay, an opportunity to explore and go beyond my comfort zone and he seemed like a genuinely cool guy to work with. What more can you ask for, right?

Nevertheless, it has to be said. In the middle of our negotiation, I had a brain fart:

"And by the way I just want say something with regards to your email about looking for an honest and loyal employee. I'm as honest as they come and my only expectation for a client is for that person to be a good one. I'm saying this because I just got duped by a client last week and I'm hoping it won't happen again. I'm not generalizing but the experience kinda left me a bit wary of taking on a full-time project again. I'm not greedy and just like you, I spread myself thickly when it comes to work. So there. I want to be cautious the second time around  Just lemme know what you think about what I said."

Hold the applause.

I needed to say it because I simply have no time for guessing games. I'm trying to get my shit together fast and I have no need for people who will just waste my time. When I told him this, I was ready to lose the gig even when we barely wrapped up the negotiation. I was actually expecting him to back out from the deal. I won't take it against him if he ever did. Hell, if I were in his shoes, I'd be somewhat turned off because the person who wrote this clearly has a bad case of emotional baggage and if there's one thing clients hate, it's drama.

Well, he didn't because wouldn't you know it, he actually can relate to what happened. Turns out he got duped by a guy he was supposed to hire. He said he was relieved that he finally found someone who meant business and that gave him peace of mind. He assured me that he has no plans of taking advantage of me and that he was glad to hear my concern about our arrangement.

Wow. Yeah, I'm just as surprised as you are.

So we got started and I got working. So far I got positive feedbacks. Hope it keeps up. My friends tells me I'm lucky that I get paid this much while also scoring free training. I feel lucky and I should be lucky. I fucking deserve it, that's why.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I can say I'm loving what I'm doing right now. It's a great thing, really. Knowing you are getting paid while also having the opportunity to improve your skills and learn cool things.

I won't go back peddling smut, that much I can say.

Major Suckage

What I Said

Editor: Have you received the email?

Tina: Yes.

Editor: I'm sorry.

Tina: Me too.

Editor: Can you send me the last batch of descriptions?

Tina: Sure, gimme a sec.

What I Really Want To Say

Editor: Have you received the email?

Tina: Yes.

Editor: I'm sorry.

Tina: Good. You should be.

Editor: Can you send me the last batch of descriptions?

Tina: Maybe I should do what you and your asshole boss did, you know, disappear without a trace. But there's no fun in that. I'm not like you people. Here's your fucking email, I hope you choke on it.

Timing

Timing is everything. It will either make or break you. The unfortunate strings of events these past couple of months made me realize how important good timing really is.

I just realized that I just lost an earring. Apparently this day won't give me a break. Good thing I have a few tricks up my suddenly-unemployed sleeves. A friend of mine introduced me to the wonderful world of posting ads at a job-seeking website. It wasn’t much but I need to act quickly because it seems like the shit keeps getting deeper and deeper.

So there, I took his advice and posted an ad, not entirely optimistic that someone would actually answer it. Well less than a day later, someone did. A guy from Georgia named Javier. He wanted to hire me to do a bunch of SEO-friendly posts and some other stuff. In his email, he stressed that he is looking for an honest and loyal person for the job. Well, gee. Aren’t we all? If there’s one thing recent events taught me, it’s that good clients are extremely hard to come by. Every client wants someone reliable and competent. But what about us? We want the same thing. A client who won’t treat his employees like used tampons.

Bitter much? Hehehe.

I was wary about accepting his offer because it was so... sudden. However, I was not really in any position to say no so I might as well explore this opportunity. He sounded legit though I can’t trust myself to really go all out. It’s not like anyone would blame me. We all know how trusting perfect strangers worked out, right? I’ll be damned if I get screwed over by another American on the same fucking week. But I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt because it’s not his fault that I’m in such a mess.

The job is interesting in the sense that it would give me a rare chance to learn the seemingly-complicated art of Search Engine Optimization. All my friends are into this shit and maybe I should be to.

I was supposed to talk to him about the project this morning but wouldn’t you know it, my laptop acted out. Here’s a real chance for salvation and of all the days, it chose this one moment to go down the fucking shitter. It’s frustrating because I was thisclose on clinching the deal. I made a hurried explanation about my problem and hauled my ass to the nearby service centre to have it checked. I didn’t really mean to look like I’m unprofessional or unreliable but this device right here, is the only thing that can rescue me from this un-ending clusterfuck. I will not have it broken. It must not be broken.

After a few hours of more waiting, it was working fine again. Unfortunately my client wasn’t online anymore. So now I’m thinking that there’s a dim chance that I may have lost the gig. But let’s leave that revelation for tomorrow.

I was just talking to my sister about this thing and I told her that maybe I’m better off working in an office. I never expected that home-based work would be just as stressful as working in an office. I expressed my desire to go back to the city and as soon as the words “but there’s no reason for me to go back yet since nobody is calling me about my application”, my phone rang. It was so freaky.

The call was an invitation for an interview from yet another company I don’t remember sending application to. I’m just glad I have other options now.

Since I’m suddenly arrested with loads of idle time, I amused myself by watching the much-hyped State of The Nation Address. Usually I make it a point to skip this annual event but since it’s PGMA’s last hurrah before election comes swinging by, I wanted to hear what she has to say for herself.

As usual, it’s all a bunch of lies but when you come to think of it, that’s basically the foundation of Philippine Politics. Deception, Greed, Corruption and Extra-judicial killings. That’s PGMA’s legacy.

Darker Times Ahead

This was the email that greeted me last night:

Hey Everyone,

You've all tried very hard to meet quota with the prescribed quality and for that we're all very grateful.  It is to my dismay, apparent that the quotas we've set are too stringent. This causes cost ineffectiveness for this advanced style of writing we require. This is not your fault so don't feel down about anything. We wanted this to work because of the cost effectiveness and the fact that you are a genuinely cool group of people to work with.

Effective immediately I have to let everyone go.

You're all skilled writers and I have no doubts that you will find great new jobs and if you need any recommendations don't hesitate to contact me.  You will of course be paid for your time worked and I wish you all the best. If you have any questions feel free to contact me.

Regards,
Bastard Client

I have said time and time again that I hated the idea of going back peddling porn but my present situation left me with no choice. This bombshell came at the worst possible time since I just lost my freelance gig with another client the morning before.

I wasn't expecting my client to treat me like family but I sure as hell didn't expect him to treat his team like we're a bunch of objects that he can throw away when he feels that we've already served our purpose. A few day's notice would've been nice.

I have exhausted every possible means to clinch this gig, I really did. I moved heaven and Earth trying not fall behind other writers in our team even at the face of zero internet connection, lack of sleep and went as far as getting my DSL reconnected at the speed of light. The stress that this gig caused me was immense and seeing now that it amounted to nothing really made me feel like an even bigger loser.

I guess this is what I get for choosing this job over much more promising opportunities. I wish I took my sister's advice and just patiently waited it out a bit more. I couldn't. Now this.

In all honesty, I'm oddly unsettled how calm I am at dealing with this monumental glitch. Usually I'd flipped out but except for a couple of momentary panic-driven applications I did right after the breaking news, I'm taking it in stride. I'm thinking that maybe even at this point, the news still hasn't sank in. Or maybe I just got numb from all barrage of bad news that hounded me in the past months that I somehow developed a certain kind of indefference over the sorrounding bullshit.

The initial feeling of relief I felt when I learned of the news didn't escape my notice either. It was odd feeling relieved when I know for a fact that I needed this. I must've hated the project so much that for a minute there, I considered this sordid ordeal as a good thing. I think this is a sign that I really should avoid porn like a plague.

I Just Miss The Noise

It's only been a little over a week after I took the new gig and already I'm regretting it. I know it's only a matter of time before I'm bound to find something to complain about. Today is that day. First off, and I can't believe I'm saying this after all the griping I did in the past but... I miss the hustle and bustle of city living. I miss it. I don't know if it's because I'm finding myself bored to tears most of the time or that I have almost no friends to hang-out with but I miss the city. I won't go as far as say that I'll throw in the towel because I just got started with the new gig and shit.

Another thing is that, the client wanted to up the ante and imposed a much higher quota on us. That would've been okay with me if the work itself isn't that much of a fucking bitch. Truth be told, I can't do much more of what they ask. It's bad enough that I was forced to go back peddling porn. That I was misled, yet again, by Lui. He promised me they only want half of the imposed quota. Now it ballooned to double its original number. I hate it. I know I should just quit, knowing full well there is absolutely nothing that this job can offer me except money. But that's all I need right now.

Quitting is out of the question. Maybe in the coming months I will have that luxury but not today. I'm left with no choice but to somehow find a  way to settle this shit. My first solution is to commision a fellow writer to do a quarter of the post for me. I got one on my first try. I'm praying she takes my offer because there's only so much bad news I can take today.

A friend/collegue of mine chastised me for writing filth. Funny thing, when he talks to me regarding this shit, it felt like I'm just listening to the voice in my head (the sensible one, hehe). I appreciate his advice, I really do. It's nice to know there's at least one person in here that can really say it as it is.

Fact of the matter is, I'm fully aware of the consequences. I don't really want anyone to remind me that this was a very stupid decision because that's basically what I tell myself every waking hour. That there's absolutely no chance in hell for me to improve my writing if I keep this up. That I'm back on square one. That I shouldn't do something I hate it. That I should keep trying. That I shouldn't settle for anything less. That I can do better.

I know.

I swear I will quit doing this and find a real job as soon as I recover all the money I lost during the time I was unemployed. Hopefully when that day comes, there will still be other opportunities.

God. I sound like a former addict who fell off the wagon, hehe.

I just lost my other sideline this morning. I was so busy with this project that I inadvertedly neglected my other duties hence, it was handed to someone else. It's just too bad because though it pays so much lower, I enjoy doing the gig. It gives me some comfort because it takes my mind off smut. Alas, this isn't my year.

Yet again.

A Little Too Late

What I Said:

Ehtch Ar Suit: My name is XXX XXX and I am the HR Manager of XXXX XXX, an American-owned service provider engaged in E-commerce. We are now open to hire copywriters. It is because of this that I would like to ask if you would possibly consider exploring the opportunity of working with us?

Tina: *insert emo tears*

What I Want To Say:

Ehtch Ar Suit: My name is XXX XXX and I am the HR Manager of XXXX XXX, an American-owned service provider engaged in E-commerce. We are now open to hire copywriters. It is because of this that I would like to ask if you would possibly consider exploring the opportunity of working with us?

Tina: Oh. My. Ghad. This would've been awesome had you told me about it a week ago *insert emo tears*

Bitter Rejection

What I Said:

Ehtch Ar Suit: I'm sorry but you do not have the qualifications we were looking. We will, however, keep your contact information for future reference.

Tina: :-|

What I Want To Say:

Ehtch Ar Suit: I'm sorry but you do not have the qualifications we were looking. We will, however, keep your contact information for future reference.

Tina: Oh, please, don't do me any more favors. It's not like you fags made me go back here three fucking times, right?

Now and Forever

What I Said:

Lui: I'm really sorry. I screwed up and I apologize for it.

Tina: ...

What I Really Want To Say:

Lui: I'm really sorry. I screwed up and I apologize for it.

Tina: You lying, manipulative prick. Up yours.

Crawling Back

What I Said:

Ex-Boss: I was wondering if you're interested to work with us again as a full-time writer? We'll pay you PhpXXXXX for 14 short descriptions everyday :)

Tina: The thing is I'm already working full time right now and I have so much on my plate. I'll try to find someone for you guys.

What I Really Want To Say:

Ex-Boss: I was wondering if you're interested to work with us again as a full-time writer? We'll pay you PhpXXXXX for 14 short descriptions everyday :)

Tina: Oh, here's a thought, how about no? You stupid fucking bitch! You think you can slap me with money and everything will be alright?! Die! Die! DIE!!!

It Feels Like A Saturday

I’ve been having quite a rough week. My week started with frantic conversations with my new client and I was feeling anxious because the job isn’t as easy as I first thought.

So there, I spent three days sleeping at un-godly hours and the worst part was I am back doing porn write-ups. I hate, hate it. I promised myself I won’t go back and do this anymore but I’m in dire need of dough right now. I can’t afford to lose another cent or else I’d go on a homicidal rampage.

The fact that I didn’t have a good first impression on my client didn’t sit well with me. All thanks to that dastard Lui, he thought I was dicking around before I finally took the gig. I wish I could explain but I don’t think he really cares to hear it.

I’ve been slaving away trying to keep up with my task even at the face of unreliable connection. PLDT people are sure taking their sweet time before they finally hook-up my fucking DSL. For now I’m forced to use this flash-drive lookin’ wireless broadband connection which dies out every three freakin’ seconds.

The only silver lining I could think of is that I finally patched things up with an old friend. Turns out it wasn’t really her fault. The middle person lied through his teeth. God, I hate him even more now.

So far I’m getting positive feedbacks from the boss. I should cut myself some slack but you know me.

It bugs me though. I realized that after I finally made the difficult transition from doing porn articles to mainstream and back, I am not even half the porn writer that I was a year ago. I can’t recognize my own work and I’m having difficulty trying to compose descriptions that normally would be a piece of cake. It’s just like re-learning how to ride a bike, I guess. But I need to get my shit together by next week because from what I heard, the quota is a killer and it takes me more than an hour to do just one fucking post. The job is eating up so much of my time that I hardly had time to do my other writing gig.

Granted, the job isn’t really easy-peasy to begin with so I guess I should content myself with that thought.

The funny part was I got a call from the other company that I just had my final interview with. They were supposed to hire me but I think the call came a little bit too late. Also, my former MS12 bosses were wooing me back, which was the most hilarious shit I heard all week! I know I shouldn't be feeling vindicated but I am.

When I angrily handed out my resignation seven months ago, I kept telling myself that they'll be sorry, not really believing it'll actually happen but it did!

WOW.

They said they saw the errors of their ways and they're willing to hire us back.

HAH.

Fat Fucking Chance. Every single employee that left them were hissing mad at the way they treated 'em!

Oh, but the feeling!

How the mighty have fallen!

Still Talking MJ

I was supposed to write some things that happened last week but I decided against it because I don't want to revisit that memory. Instead I'm still going to talk MJ. Last night I watched MJ's memorial service. It was one of the saddest things I saw. I actually cried which is a feat in itself because I'm not the type who cries easily.

I still can't let him go. Someone that important shouldn't die. Can somebody explain to me why couldn't Fred Durst die instead of MJ?

I wish someone sang "She's Out of My Life" though. I think it's one of the best songs he ever came up with. But no rendition will ever be good enough because he sang that song with so much heart in it.

Oh, MJ.