Sometimes Satisfied

When I signed up for a home-based gig, I knew exactly what I was in for. A subdued life in the prabens, no mall, no shopping, no after-work inuman, no social life, no nuthin'. I was fine with it, actually. I felt I needed a break. I've been working for almost five years, so I was, undoubtedly, been feeling the burn (out) for a long time.

However, after working here in the prabens for more than two months, the boredom is getting to me. I began to lose track of the time, the day, the week. Days go by and nothing is happening. Same old thing always. Even waking up has become a chore.

But like I said, I knew exactly what I was in for, that doesn't make it any less okay. I know I'm going to start whining about missing my old life and how miserable I am so there... wait, I think I just did.It's so unfair that I ramble on like this considering I have a nice boss, an interesting job that pays well, I don't have to pay for my food or my daily fare and showering is optional. But I can't help ittttthhhh.....

The bad news is that as much as I hate this limbo that I'm in, I'm afraid of going back and pick up where I left off. A lot of things have transpired during my long hiatus and I know that even if I score another gig at some obscure office somewhere in Makati or Ortigas, I will be miserable.

During the time I was working for that hell hole, it dawned on me that I do have a problem dealing with people. If I haven't stuck around with Rhae and the gang back in Iweb, it's quite possible that I would end up not making friends at all. That's exactly what happened when I was out on my own at Enfra. So now I'm thinking it's better that I work on my own here rather than haul my ass and work somewhere else.

Rhae won't be there. No Rene and Paeng to trade retarded jokes with. Nobody would get my sense of humor and I will stay in my little corner, slaving away 8 hours straight without as much as a peep. No Angels to serve as my buffer against the great beyond (great beyond meaning the rest of the office folks). Then the quota, God, the quota. There will still no after-work inuman because everyone is either too busy or too far away.

That's the scenario playing in my head. It's so pathetic. It's so silly that I still get bothered by these things but these thoughts do creep out every time I think of coming back. Ugh this sucksass. I keep telling myself I'll be back next year, like a mantra but sometimes I wonder if I would actually go through with it.