The Now What Moments

I haz it. It's becoming more and more prevalent at night, when all is quiet and everyone's soundly asleep in the Lee household. To be honest, I never would've thought that I'd be unemployed on my birthday. Not that being unemployed right now is a bad thing. Quite the contrary, being here gave me the peace I've been looking for during the times when working in the city became too much to handle. However, my pending responsibilities in the city makes me worry these days. It's not like these bills are gonna pay themselves, ya know.

I took a lot time thinking about quitting work and it was a calculated risk on my part. I can say with confidence that I made enough to keep me covered for a considerably long time but I'm somehow not okay with that. It's so weird. I have nothing to worry about except I do worry. What makes it worse for me is that I hate the idea of my older sister being alone in the house for a long time.

So now, I have these What Now moments at night which leaves me to wonder if I should head back or not. It's quite frustrating, tsk. It usually starts with a lengthy internal monolgue like "Okay, you wanted a vacation and now you had it, can we go now?". I ignore the little voice in my head but couldn't help wondering if the voice is on to something. Heh. Also, my old routines are slowly getting on my nerves. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking down from a high cliff , seeing what the rest of my life will look like and I don't like it one bit, or at least, I don't like it for now.

So to stop driving myself insane, I resolve to "seriously" start looking for work next month or the month after that. Hopefully a homebased gig because recently, I hate talking to people and tend to lock myself up for no apparent reason, hehehhe. Or do some freelance work. I just need something to keep my mind busy for awhile.

On a totally unrelated note, I have also picked up a new hobby, gambling my money away for a chance to be a millionaire, hahahah! I've set my eyes on the 270 mil lotto jackpot. It's truly ridiculous because I know it's a long shot but I hopped on the band wagon and spend like, 120 everyday gambling. I planned to stop only when the prize money gets handed out to someone finally. And I'm running out of cigs.