Beyond Bored

I don't know what the hell is up with me lately. It seems that my boredom is getting worse and worse every fucking day. I'm thinking maybe this is one of those PMS-ing moment but I doubt it. I sort of know it has something do with my general dissatisfaction with how things are going but as usual, I have no clue on how to go fix the problem. I tried several times to put into writing what's been bothering me exactly but the mind and the laziness clashed. It's only now that I did some actual writing and did not quit halfway through another uninspiring post or did the whole re-posting-from-Multiply-blog shit.

Everyday is the same damn routine, it's sickening. Go to the office, check e-mail, read blog, "do work stuff", do other stuff, get bored, re-read blogs, get bored, try to write a post, get bored halfway through, try to lighten up, get bored, eat, get bored. I tell you, my life is one massive cloud brimming with nothing but boredom.

I knew it was just a matter of time before my mood would hyper speed down the shitter when a friend told me people from the office feels uncomfortable talking to me. You see, unlike the whole sunshine-y front I used back in Porno Land, here in Porn Wonderland I hardly ever utter a word to my fellow porn practitioners. In return, they make an effort not to fuck around with me.



The strange thing about all these is that I'm actually enjoying the fact that office peeps won't talk to me. How weird is that? Back in Porno Land making small talks was like my expertise and now here in the Porn Wonderland, I have this persistent feeling of disdain toward other people which is something new to me because I live under the illusion that I'm friendly and nice, wehehehe!To stave boredom, I try to hang-out with friends after work but since a couple of them got a life, I'm left wandering into this boring and downright meaningless haze.

I do try my best to hang-out with other peeps but it's not working out. Like last week, I was supposed to watch my friend perform and even That Boy invited himself because he knew I was coming. I was excited because he and I never really hung-out often but my laziness acted up and I ended up not going. And the day after that, I was supposed to meet with old friends from Porno Land but some people bailed out and I ended up not going again. It's a damn cycle, I tell you.

Lemme just say that no, I'm not depressed about the whole I'm-Bored-With-My-Life-Halp! set-up, in fact, I'm getting used to it. But "getting used" to this kind of mediocre existence is a bad thing and I gotta do something about it.

Or. Maybe it's just me getting old.