Hayden Camera Scandal: The Senate Hearing

I just watched the senate hearing regarding the Hayden Camera Scandal and it was pure entertainment thanks to Sen. Bong Revilla’s knack for asking the most pointless questions. It was as if Man-boy took a long, long dip from a tub full o’ stupid before heading to the meeting. For somebody who’s been aggressively tormenting Hayden for weeks, he sure asked the most retarded questions.

Katrina looked far from the lusty vixen we all are used to seeing. She looked genuinely scared, ashamed and devastated. Her facial expression alone showed her real age (too young for a senate hearing). I can’t say the same thing for Hayden.

Hayden did one thing right during the whole ordeal. No, it’s not the part where he was perfectly calm while trying to explain how the shit hit the fan and no, it’s not the part where he made bara Bong’s barrage of retard several times. It was the mere fact that he looked so. Freakin’. Hot. That afternoon. You’d think the water splashed on him earlier would somehow fizzle out some of that hotness but nooo.

If I’m not scared shitless of the fact that he’s a serial sex offender, I’d hit it. Hahahaha!

God, there were so many retarded questions Bong asked that afternoon, it wasn’t even funny anymore. These ones are my favorite:

Were you the one who transferred all videos from your camera to your computer? (Yes) How? Anung software ginamit mo(USB lang po. Yung Plug and Play po na usb, kinuha ko yung memory stick ng camera tapos ililipat na po dun from the computer) Anung klaseng camera? (Sony point and shoot camera)

Isang malaking DUUUUUHHHHH.

Mr. Kho, you are under oath, are you saying that you didn’t show these videos to anyone at all? Not even to your barkada? Kasi maliit ang showbiz I’m hearing that you were showing these videos to your friends.

(Hindi naman po sa lahat ng oras eh tama po ang sinasabi ng iba laban sakin. )

That one was ironic, trying to beat the truth out of the person, going as far as reminding him two times that he’s under oath like he’s talking to a fucking two-year-old, when the question itself was based on chismis.

Bong was so freakin’ biased that he should be deemed unfit for joining the committee. The way he begins any question with an exaggerated “DOOCTOOOR Hayden Kho” made me feel bad for the Hayden. Every word that came out of his mouth was dripping in sarcasm. He is such a drama queen.

When you come to think of it, he’s no better than Hayden. He’s not in any position to lecture someone about morality especially when everyone knows he practically slept with half the sexy actresses in the showbiz industry. Pshhh. Kinginang yan, buti talaga di sya tinatamaan ng kidlat habang nagtatatalak.

Aren’t hearings supposed to be fair? Why the hell were these people subjected to a public hearing anyway? What the hell is up with Jamby’s beer belly? Homegirl’s practically popping out from her jacket.

Jinggoy, surprisingly enough, admitted not seeing the videos. Which begs the question as to why he’s there asking all these “probing” questions when he didn’t even bother studying the evidence. He didn’t even know there were four videos floating around everywhere. Zeriouzly.He's that clueless and yet, he's the one asking questions. 

It’s a case of Duh and Duh-er.

The whole thing was a damn circus complete with an ex-Mayor running amuck, watering down Hayden for everyone to see. The most hilarious part of all was sobrang nalihis ang issue. That would've never happened had Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago joined the meeting and put things in order like she always does.

The start of the hearing was going good, talking about things in line with the issue but by the end of it, they were talking about a particular powerful syndicate who’s responsible for providing drugs to just about everyone in their circle. Suddenly it's all about death threats and blue ribbon commitees. The whole thing was just annoying yet slightly hilarious.

However, as frustrating as it was to hear one dumbass question after the next, the drama of it all... was awesome. And they had everyone eating the whole thing up. From Gucci to bakya. Everyone.

A Great Day... Finally.

I just bagged myself a part-time gig.­­­­ Though we haven’t ironed things out, I think my schedule will fit this gig perfectly. I wish I have a decent internet connection though. A writer friend of mine asked me to consider applying to their company. I think this time around I might seriously check his company out.

I’m back being a morning person and though I’m still in the process of getting used to it after three weeks of vampiric hell, I’m loving every second of it. It just annoys me when, at 1am in the morning, I’m still wide fucking awake. I know I should sleep but my mind’s still buzzing.

Also, Kris made it to Rome this morning. It felt weird because I know she’s far away but at the same time it felt like she’s just... here. Ghad, I just miss her a lot. Hopefully she gets there with no trouble along the way.

I mentioned a blog ago that I was coming down with something. That something was a case of flu so bad, I spent the rest of the week sedated. I was coughing so bad, my voice disappeared. I got asthma, I got runny nose, I sneezed my brains out and to top all of these terrible, terrible things, I couldn’t smoke. It was... very unpleasant. Right now I’m recovering from everything. From sickness to anger. It feels good.

Waki’s best buddy, Hiro Yamamoto, came to our humble abode for a playdate. The kid’s half-Jap, half-Flip. It was a very interesting mix. He looks just like a regular Flip kid but his temper tells you that yes, he’s got the fiery blood of a Jap in him. He’s painfully shy, which I found amusing. Together with my bro, they’re every yaya’s nightmare. This was a great day. Finally.

Same Old

First off, I got the old-new laptop. So far it’s been great! Its way prettier than I remembered and it’s been working like a dream. Hopefully the whole broke-without-any-reason-whatsoever won’t happen again. God knows I need a break.

Speaking of which, the night job told me I’m on a break. I wasn’t really surprised about that knowing my client was displeased with my work. Out of anger, I wrote a very cryptic entry about it. So here’s the longer version. My boss showed me an email regarding my performance. It wasn’t pretty. My client is blaming me for all of the delays we’ve been having. Actually I wasn’t even aware that things are getting delayed so that comment really threw me off. I thought they were just pooling all content until I was done with everything on the list.

Also, the editor, whom I think was the real reason I’m on a break, said something about him taking too long to edit out every descriptions. That one was a bit hard to swallow knowing most of my writer friends can edit a 1,500 word essay in less than two hours. He’s a “professional” and it takes him all day to edit 23 200 characters-long descriptions? Really?

It’s funny how I got blamed for everything when they didn’t even instruct me on how we are gonna do this. Is there a definite time frame for the descriptions? Do we have to work on a system or is there a particular system that we can work on, for things to go as smoothly and efficiently as possible? Nothing.

So, I dunno.

Granted, I’m not completely blameless on the whole ordeal. In fact, I admitted to the bosses that yes, I’m not the most awesome writer in the whole wide universe. My work needs editing and I suck at editing my own work. It’s been a problem in the past and I recognize the need to be extra-vigilant when it comes to the subject-verb agreement thing. The adjustments I made were extreme and it did affect my work. I was unhappy, reckless and indifferent.

I knew all that and I was working on it.

My boss, for his part, decided on a new tactic to please my client. He had my immediate supervisor proof-read and edit my work before I submit it to the editor. It was a great plan, in theory. Coupled with my extra-vigilance and her not being much of a "professional" editor, it was a bit of a disaster. The right ones went wrong and the wrong ones... well, you get the picture. It’s not her fault because it’s not exactly one of her expertise. I didn’t have the heart to tell her about it knowing she’s got gazillion other things going on. Besides, I knew the account’s gonna slip away from my hands and for my part, I wasn’t really thrilled at the prospect of working with my would-be ex client for a damn year.

So there, my supervisor said I’ll be on an indefinite break. Now where have I heard that one before? Hahaha! The funny part was I actually felt relieved. Like a cloud just lifted. You see, I’ve been thinking about quitting work but I just couldn’t because of the whole bond-thing. Now it seems I don’t have to shell out 20 grand for a way out. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad that my cash cow’s gonna go away but I’m not exactly crying buckets over the whole sordid thing. Sure, my ego got bruised quite a bit but I’m just glad it’s all over.

Right now, they haven’t sent word or anything so I’m sort of in a technically-still-employed-but-close-to-being-jobless-again kind of limbo. Apparently, it’s a new fad I unwittingly started, harhar. Right now I'm still weighing my options. Shall I start looking for a new job or should I just continue haunting everyone here in my hometown? Hmm...

Lastly, I attended Kris’ despedida party held at an old haunt in Tomas Morato. It was a pretty intimate affair. Only a handful of friends were present. I was dreadfully sick that night but I was glad that I made it to her send-off party. We wrapped things up well past 4 in the morning. Hay, how time flies. Hopefully she gets settled there quickly. Bon Voyage, Krissy dear! Muah!

* There was an error with the last entry I made regarding the AI8 100 million votes. Turns out, it was the totality of the votes and not  of Kris' alone. Whoops, churi. But you gotta admit that dude had us fooled, yo.

The Who Knew Round-up

Yesterday, my sister told me Kris Allen won this season's AI.

SHOCK!

Of course, everyone thinks it's one hugeass upset. I think so too. During the early days of AI8, I immediately saw a Lambert-Gokey face off. Imagine my surprise when, out of nowhere, he got edged out by Allen to the semi-finals. Didn't even bother watching the damn show after that. Hello, Gokey is so cute, it's impossible for him to lose.

Well, he did. Boo.

After that sordid affair, I thought Lambert would win hands down. Hell, he can win that contest with his guylinered eyes closed, his lips stapled and his hands tied down behind a fire hydrant.

But as it turns out, Allen had a landslide win. Dude got 100 million votes. 100 million votes. It's astounding to think that all this time, Allen had us fooled. Lambert was the real underdog and not him. Who knew, right? Methinks America chose Backstreet Boys over Freddy Mercury.

However, there must be something in Allen that we biased folks aren't seeing (i.e. Lambert's questionable sexuality). I feel sort of bad for Allen though. Everywhere he goes, people say they can't believe he won.

Case to point: Ryan Seacrest said it was the biggest upset in AI history.

(Fuck you, the whole Bo Bice-Carrie Underwood face off was the biggest upset for me hihihiihih in AI history)

I just watched The Tonight Show and Leno kept rubbing the whole "Were-you-surprised-that-you-won-cuz-Lambert-rocked-the-shiznit-outta-everyone-all-fucken-season-yo" in his face. Kris, looking visibly tired from lack of sleep, was gracious enough to say that yeah, Lambert deserved to win and that he was very much surprised that he won instead. What, people think he's not good enough to win?

Tsktsk. Poor guy. He won fair and square, let it go.

On a totally unrelated note, Swine flu arrived on the Pelepens shore a few days ago. A ten-year-old girl from the U.S. tested positive for the swine flu virus. As sad as it is, I distinctively recall hearing something about how adults, specifically people ages 25-45, are the ones who are likely to die from the virus and not kids. Why, if I remember it correctly, the first victim of the swine flu in Mexico, a 6-year-old boy, completely recovered while his neighbors died from it. Strange how a kid's immune system works, harhar. At the present, the 10-year-old girl is recovering beautifully.

I think I'm coming down with the sniffles too.

Lastly, the third installment of the now-infamous Hayden Camera files finally made the rounds on the net. This time, Katrina ain't doing anything remotely close to juggling glow balls. Ibang balls na, ahahah! Geddit? Geddit? Glow balls? Hayden's... oh, never mind. So yeah, they 69ed and all that jazz. Do I feel sorry for for her? Erm... not really. First off, it was obvious from the first two Hayden Camera files that her boy toy had the tendency to whip out the camera and record anything at any given moment. She should've seen that one coming. Second, never trust a cheater. Especially a cute one with a PhD.

Tsktsk. A guy that good-looking turns out to be a serial sex offender. Who knew?

Cat Naps

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Dark City Lights

After almost three weeks of seemingly endless negotiations, Toshiba finally relented. Yes, they will finally give me a new laptop, which I totally deserve after all the emotional stress they put me though. I’m pretty relieved that they gave the go-signal because as much as I intend on making good my threat of filing a complaint against them, I really don’t want to trouble anyone with lawsuits and such. Especially since the manager seemed to be a nice chap.

Then again, last time I checked 53 grand don’t grow on trees. I’m just glad the issue got resolved in the most diplomatic manner possible.

So there, hopefully this new lappy won’t break down for no apparent reason whatsoever. I’d be totally dismayed it that ever happens again. I should’ve just bought a damn Vaio.

The meeting last Saturday was boring except for a few laughs courtesy of this CSR agent. It was all a blur to me. Until I stood up to introduce myself, that is. I found that really awkward since I was never a fan of talking to a large group of people in that kind of setting. It reminded me the time I was one of the contender for Iweb’s hat party two years ago. God, the spotlight, the crowd, the stage, the gastritis. I’ll never forget that stupid day. Actually the Saturday meeting isn’t so bad as compared to that day but still, the unfamiliar clenching of my stomach whenever people make me speak in public is not something I can get used to. So anyways, tired and sleepy as I was, I managed to say something about working for five years. I’m not even sure why I chose to divulge that boring piece of trivia. I’m blaming my almost catatonic brain.

Also, attending that meeting made me realize how much I’ve alienated myself from the office folks these past two weeks. Everyone’s practically singing “We are Family” in there. One even dance. He was good but that’s not really the point.

It actually never occurred to me that most of these people are like, only two days old in the company and yet there they were. I stuck out like a sore thumb and I’m not quite sure what to make of that. I’ll never fit in, that one thing I’m sure of. The feeling that I don’t belong here anymore never really went away even after I bagged a job. I was actually thinking about that this morning as I was making my way home. I was staring at this newly-constructed building on Meralco Avenue, standing tall all shiny and new, when suddenly it hit me.

I realized I hate Ortigas now. I hate our apartment, I hate the noise, I hate the darkness, and I hate the very air I breathe. Three months of sabbatical and this is what I get. However, I don’t think it was a mistake that I spent three months in glorified bumhood. If anything, I clearly saw what I will become in the years ahead.

With all the new things going on in my life right now, it worries me that things are getting drearier and drearier for me. Not in the office setting per se but in general. I fear I will someday disappear into obscurity and the worst part is that I’m fine with that.

I also noticed that in writing, I’ve also became a bore. I read my posts, compared it with the old ones and the change was so obvious I couldn’t recognize my own work. It was… underwhelming.

Dark thoughts aside, the Webdate gang had a little reunion over the weekend. Obviously I wasn’t able to make it. However, I’m far from feeling left out. A wake is not really a nice setting for reunions and shit. Plus I was still mildly annoyed that one of them bailed out on the last minute because she felt it would be better if we all just go on Saturday instead of the day we originally agreed on. It’s a wake. There’s a dead person in there that we all need to pay our respect to. It’s not the right place for a long overdue chikahan bonanza.

Well, I dunno. Maybe I’m just being too old fashioned about all this. God, I’m zo uptight.

The Longest Friday

That was the looooongest Friday in the Tina History. Bar none. It was one of those days where there are so many things are going on and I had no choice but to cram all these shit in one day. It's such a long day that it stretched all the way to Saturday.

8:00 AM: Went home

9:30AM: Bid the world good night.

1:30 PM: Woke up. Couldn't go back to sleep. Counted how much hours I slept. Barely four fucking hours. Mumbled incoherent curses. Scratched my butt.


2:00PM: Took a bath. Edce's waiting for me in Mega. But perfection need not be rushed.

2:00PM: Already made up my face with half-inch thick powder, concealer, lippy and fire retardant.Blushed the living shit out of my cheeks. All these and yet my hair is still wet.

3:00PM: Made a couple of phone calls regarding my stupid brand new laptop that broke down for no fucking reason whatsoever.

4:00PM: Rushed out of the house to head to the mall. Edce is in tha house, yo. Man, I gotta stop thinking I'm black.

4:15PM: Traffic was so bad, I felt like I was sucked into this blackhole that sneaked up from nowhere, messed up the space time continuum and landed on a parallel universe where fx jeeps runs on slow fucking motion. Was running low on juice, I felt my eyelids droop in drowsiness.

4:20PM: Made it to Mega. Sweating like a pig and smelled like a sewer.

4:35PM: Ate somewhere nice. Took our own sweet time.

5:30PM: Went to Toshiba Service center. Spent a great deal of time peeling the gmask sticker from my stupid brand new laptop that broke down for no fucking reason whatsoever.

6:00PM: Tried heading to Arlington. No cab was insight.


6:30PM: We made the mistake of going just as rush hour came rolling in. Ortigas was transformed into the seventh circle of traffic jam hell.

7:00PM: A cab took pity. Said the words "Arlington" "Q.C." and "Araneta Center" in rapid succession. Taxi cab driver argued, said something about Arlington being located in Sta. Mesa. Irritated, I argued back saying something like, Kuya, Araneta center daw po eh. Baka branch yung sinasabi nyo? because I'm a fucking know-it-all. Edce was worried, fidgeted nervously. I asked her to call Paeng and ask for directions. Cab driver was right all along. Oh, the taste of bitter defeat.


7:05PM: Debated why the wake was located in Sta. Mesa when Paeng lives in Cubao.

7:17PM: Arrived just in time for the mass. Snuck in.

9:45PM: Said our good-byes. Edce will head home while lil' ol' me heads to the office.

10:35PM: Arrived in the nick of time. Was grateful for Edce and her kid bro for driving me back.

11:00PM: Worked the best I could under the circumstances (bone tired, low on juice, brain not working right, hole on the ozone layer). Almost slipped into catatonia in the middle of writing something about towel bars... only for  the millionth time this week.


6:00AM: Saw the most glorious sunrise. Too bad it didn't cheer me up.

7:00AM: Surfed the net 'till my eyebrows melted off.

7:30AM: Got bored. Wrote a new entry chronicling my sordid day. Didn't ease the boredom. Realized it's because my life is boring to begin with.


8:00AM: Waiting for the damn meeting that's delaying my trek up north.

9:30AM: Will probably go to the bus terminal, catch a bus, finally get some sleep and forget this day ever happened.

See? What did I tell ya? Theirony? Right up ahead, the shortest Saturday known to Tina-land. Night shift is seriously kicking my ass.

Dark Times Ahead

I was feeling blue yesterday. There were so many things changing this year alone and because of that,
I’m afraid the blues are back. I met up with my good friend yesterday and had a very somber discussion ranging from my stupid laptop that broke for no reason down to the new gig. It was fun but I think our legendary get-togethers are practically numbered now that she is about to leave in the coming days. Yep, I still feel sad about that. So sad in fact that I IM-ed an old friend and asked if we could meet up. I just needed to see another familiar place just to cope with the stress and everything. Turns out he had bigger problems.

He never made it to our little meeting. His dad, as it turns out, was dying that night.

I just got word that his dad just passed. I feel really bad for Paeng because he’s the eldest and both of his siblings haven’t graduated yet while his mom is a housewife. That meant with the death of his dad come this humongous responsibility. I can only imagine what he’s going through right now.

For the first time in three months, I made contact with the Angels.

I read Rene’s blog about the Golden Year of The Angels and it made me miss the good ol’ days. I miss everything about it, Iweb, the after-shift inuman, the petty spats, out of town trips, the Christmas parties, and the dirty inside jokes. Hell, I even miss the raids, hehehe! Those days are long gone now that we all work in different companies. We had to check each other’s schedule just for a quick get-together, it’s totally ridiculous.

Who would’ve thought that we’d get spend time together, for the first time in months, on a wake?

Na-JokeTime ng Toshiba

I started the day being pissed and it seems I might be ending it feeling blue. I called up Toshiba Service center as soon as I was awake enough to feel around my nose for boogers. I got lots but that’s not the point. It seems the lappy I bought three weeks ago is now working fine and was ready for pick up. I got pissed because first, they had to fucking wait for the fucking customer to ask about why it took them more than a fucking week to figure out what the fucking hell is wrong with the damn laptop. Don’t they know anything about taking a fucking initiative and give due updates to their customers?

Second, it seems they are not willing to have it replaced like what we previously talked about. I was aghast to find out that they did not replace the broken LCD monitor and instead, just reformatted the damn thing. My brand new laptop that I bought three weeks ago suddenly went bat-fucking-coco bananas and they didn’t replace it for a new one even when it made it to the seven-day replacement warranty.

The last straw was when the service center guy had to gall to say they couldn’t replace it because it had scratches on it.

Deep inside, my mind was already screaming a deafening “SPAAARRRTAAAAAA!!!!” I can’t figure out what the hell he was talking about because I was too busy trying to murder him using my mind. You stupid jerk, I had the lappy g-masked the day after I bought it how the hell was that possible?!

I counted slowly from one to ten but it didn’t work. I told him that I’d like to speak to the manager. He said he took a half-day leave. Oh, what about tomorrow? It’s his fucking day off. How. Fucking. Convenient. I scheduled for a little chat with the manager as well as the tech guy who inspected my laptop this Thursday. I vow to instill fear of God into their tiny, inefficient mind.

I plan on either demanding to have it replaced for a new one or to get my money back. If they won’t comply, I might sue. Seriously, I’m having none of this bullshit. They won’t get away stealing my 50 grand.

Needless to say, my day started going downhill from there on.

Met up with Krisna later that day and talked about things. As usual, I got depressed over her migration to Italy. I wasn’t close to tears but I was close on hyperventilating, hehehe. It really got me feeling blue. My life just got a bit grayer.

Bound To Be Orayt... Hopefully.

In my last entry, I was stressed, bummed out, shell-shocked out of my mind and hormonal. I think this entry is gonna be a bit somber in comparison. Firstly, the little issue I had with the new company was already resolved. Last Thursday, I had a long, mind-numbing dialogue with my immediate supervisor (though she introduced herself as my TL) about how I’m not okay with things and told her about my impending resignation. Out of boredom and lack of sleep, I already had a grand escape plan (although I wouldn’t really call it escaping since I had every intention of coughing up the bond money that would render me free from my contract) and it involved another writer friend of mine. You see, earlier that night, I read a gut-wrenching blog entry from this still-unemployed colleague of mine and the wheels started turning. It’s fool-proof, I pay the bond monies while handing out a short but sweet resignation letter and then… recommend this colleague of mine. I know, I’m a fucking genius. And they thought they can contain this awesomeness but I showed them *insert evil laugh here*

The plan was never set in motion because first, I don’t think Rene would sign any contract that would bound him in any company for a year anytime soon and second, I grew balls and told my superiors about the problem before I was about to leave. My sister was helpful during this dark time in my career. Usually, when I couldn’t handle things in the office I just surprise everyone (my family included) with a short Hello-Good-Bye letter. It’s quick, painless and it saves me and my bosses from a long, mind-bending verbal diarrhea about the why.

Anyway I’m getting ahead of the story. So, I read his blog and was surprised to find out that he was still unemployed. I feel for him, really. I know being a glorified bum is difficult though I gotta say I enjoyed bum-hood. Like, a lot. Like, so much so that friends and acquaintances thought I was already dead or something. Well, the experience I had obviously wasn’t the same with this writer friend but to a certain extent, I can relate. Especially with all the whole bills piling up and shit. It’s hard. Sitting miserably, staring at the four-corners of my cubicle, I realized that despite the surrounding bull, I got off lucky. I sure as hell didn’t feel like it back then but apparently I am luckeh.

Last week I was just about ready to bolt out from here. The seconds trickled ever so slowly, there was no breathing room and I’ve been finding it hard to show up for work. I was angry that I find myself in the same situation that I was in almost two years ago during my Edule days. I didn’t last then and I don’t think I was gonna last now so I came to the hard decision that I will quit on the first day of my second week (which is today). But after reaching a compromise with the boss last Friday, I was relieved.

I think this could work out after all. I’m daring to expect better weeks to come. They’re nice, I love it.

On a totally unrelated note, my aunt, who made an unannounced visit last weekend, thought I had my nose done and without even asking to confirm her suspicion, went around telling my cousins I had a fucken nose job. Seriously, what the fuck? Why would I want to pay monies to have this stupid nose? I can’t even wrap my head around the idea. If I’m gonna have my nose done, it sure as fucking hell won’t look like a whack job like what my nose looks now. Meh.

Lastly, I end this entry on a sad note. My best friend will leave for Italy on the 21st of May. I just got word about it this afternoon. Wow, I was incredibly sad but extremely hopeful that she finds her luck in Italy. I guess I won’t be seeing her for two years. Man, that’s such a long time. I wish we had time to go to a four-day beach bumming escapade like what we originally planned but we ran out of time. I’m not sure if we’re ever gonna have that chance again. Magkangilidan na ng luha.

Here’s to you Kris, cheers bakla!

Suspended Animation

I woke up with a heavy heart this morning because I was about to leave the province and start anew with this new company I found myself in. It was hard and I’m still coping with the idea of not playing with my brother, making patty-cakes and playing mock-golf games anymore. I hate this. I wish there could be some way that I could be satisfied living in my hometown and not feel as if I’m taking a permanent vacation from life itself. That’s basically the reason why I wanted to start working again and as much as I tried being satisfied with being a small town girl, I couldn’t. Damn ambitions to hell.

My brother insisted on sending me off to the bus station. I think that’s what made things even harder, waving good-bye to him as I boarded the bus. He gave me a tight smile, trying to look happy and brave for me as the bus drove off and it totally broke my heart. For a minute there, I wanted to get the hell out of the bus and never leave. Of course, common sense dictated that I stop this foolishness now and be mature about things that I have no control over. I’m still in the process of putting my shit together so that I could work efficiently. Hah, fat chance.

I have a long night awaiting me in the city and as always, I didn’t bother preparing myself for it which is moronic since this exact same scenario happened to me several times already and obviously I never learned anything. It took me three hours to get to the metro and another three hours to make it home in Pasig. I was bone-tired and was very much worried if I could muster up the strength to perform well on my first day.

First days are always rough for me and I daresay, this wouldn’t be any different. I haven’t started out my job and yet I could already feel the old aches and pains that come with stress from work. I was lucky enough to score a quick power nap before I went to my new office. At least the fatigue wore off even for just an hour. I think I was already in dreamland way before my head hit the pillow.

I think six hours worth of traveling and mind-numbing traffic during rush hour were the easy part. Making my way to the office proved to be much more challenging than I expected. I woke up to the sound of incessant raining and it wouldn’t let up even as I left the house an hour later. I had to out-maneuver huge puddles at ten in the evening and prayed to high heavens not to get too soaked before I could score a cab. Neither thing happened. I was stuck in the middle of the night waiting for a cab for twenty minutes with soggy shoes and even soggier jeans. Oh, it’s going to be a long day in the office alright.

Thankfully, I was able to make it to the office without delay. So far, my only gripe in the new office are the rules. There were so many of them that I felt a bit suffocated just trying to keep track. Am I just too laid-back for these kinds of things? I dunno. I certainly had no one who can relate to this particular feeling because I’m the only writer around. No mobile phones, no bags, no IM, no talking in Tagalog, networking sites are out of the question, no blogs to read, I’m not allowed to make blogs of my own, no nuthin’. I felt like the room was shrinking and for the first time, I saw the errors of my ways. I knew long before I left Iweb that I made a mistake when I resigned. Two companies later, I am as sure as the sun rises to the East, that I was wrong. I got too indulgent, arrogant and greedy. I see it now and I’m so sorry. I’m currently living one of my worst nightmare. Sitting in-front of a pc with great internet connection and yet I can’t touch it so I’m stuck in suspended animation. It’s like, I’m stuck starving on an island for weeks and somebody offers me lechon and yet I’m only allowed to smell it. It’s driving me bonkers. Just thinking about the hours and days ahead is making me a bit fidgety.

Another thing that I didn’t see coming was when the boss had me talking to my other boss via phone patch. I seem to have developed an irrational fear of talking on the phone with clients, a souvenir I got after my brief stint as a call center agent. I dreaded it every time I hear the ringing of the telephone and I guess I carried that fear long after I was over with being a CSR. I couldn’t even hide my fear and displeasure over talking to clients on the phone to my boss. It was very embarrassing and I can see he was dismayed. I can’t blame him because I was way more dismayed. I felt like a complete amateur and had this sudden mental picture of me throwing up all over my keyboard, hehehe. The experience was so godawful I totally lost my appetite. And since I’m prone to gastritis, I can’t have none of that. Lemme tell something, forcing oneself to eat cardboard-tasting French fries in the dead of the night just so one can stay awake long enough to call one's client is proving to be a very harrowing experience.

I can only pray that I have the good sense to stay here for a year lest they make me pay. I had my share of first days going awry but this is different. I know now that I dived in too deep without thinking and now I’m overwhelmed with the coming waves. Oh, shit, did you read what I just wrote? This experience is bringing out the poet in me, hahahahaha!

I want to run away from here and go back to country living. I wish I could just do that, instead I’m stuck here wasting away, waiting endlessly for instructions that seems to me, won’t come. I have this persistent feeling that this is a mistake and that I don’t belong here at all. What the hell was I thinking?! The only thing keeping me from walking out from this is the contract that I oh-so-eagerfuckingly-signed. I won’t have anyone thinking I’m being unprofessional in any way.

Incredibly, not even money can motivate me right now. Ah, well… there’s always a first time for everything. Also (and I thought I’d never say this), I miss porn. Alas, I must not wallow.