All Differences Aside... Friday was Great.

I don't know where to start, maybe I'll start with last Friday was great. More than great, it was awesome. I called for a temporary truce with the people I used to hang-out with to organize a party for two of our friends. As always, I dreaded that day. I promised myself I won't talk to them anymore. I succeeded on banishing them from my circle. It might strike anyone as me being a self-righteous cold-hearted, arrogant bitch but at that point in my life I felt that I do not need to stick around for people I can do without.

But that day was great, I give you that. I admit I've gone soft on my resolve. Mind you, that statement does not, in an way, means I'm ready to go back to things the way they were before the feud. I guess it means, I forgive them for what they did. I might never get to stay long enough here to listen to their explanations but just the same I forgive them. Forgiveness does not come easily to me. There are people who have fucked me over so long ago but I still haven't forgiven them up to now. So basically when I say, I forgive slowly... we're talking months or years, man.

I get this message on my messenger:

"Tonight was great. I wish we could do it more often. I'd like us to be friends. You may think I've changed, but who knows? You might like the new me. It was great spending time with you again. I missed you. Yun lang (that's all)"

I regret that I couldn't bring myself to respond much more have the guts to try and make things a bit friendlier between them and I. I wish I could say “Sure, lets be friends again, let go out and sing our hearts out at the nearest videoke bar next Friday like we always planned” I wish I could be that person. But I'm very well-aware that I'm often the reason why my social life is fucked-up. I make my life complicated. I don't handle gone-wrongs as graciously as others. Sometimes it worries me why I have a lot of anger in me when things don't go as it should be.

I wish a sincere apology is enough for me to forget, forgetting would be nice. I miss my boys, yes. I would love to hang-out and yes, we should do that more often. I'm not angry at you guys anymore and I forgive you. But I wish forgiving comes with total absolution. It doesn't, at least for me. For all it's worth, I'm sorry I let you down too.

But you're right, Friday was great, it was awesome.