Not everything should have any reason, they just happen either we allowed it to happen or in my case, we just wanted to throw all caution to the wind in hopes to live a little.
This is the subject of my reflection, soul-searching, if you will, last Good Friday. The timing was perfect too, as I caught a long break from the daily grind. I guess in some ways, there were a lot of stark
I've come to realize I'm so much different now than I was a few months ago and I'm trying to make sense at this. Suddenly my temper got more volatile than usual, lashing out at my friends, isloating myself from people I know and love, cutting people off from my circle and suddely found myself doing crazy stunts just for the heck of it (of which the first paragraph's theme was borne)
Could it be that I'm having a severe case of what my friends calls a "Quarter life Crisis?" Hmmm... probably but highly unlikely. The most reasonable conclusion I could come up with is that, during the times I took a step back to mull over my issues, I found some of the source of my irritation.
1) I'm surrounded by people I don't even like!
I found myself associating with people who never contributed shit on my life. People who had no qualms to take advantage of our so-called "friendship". I wondered how the hell did I even allow these toxic people in my life to begin with, I got no clue.
So the first solution to my problem is to cut off this people from my list of friends, or at the very least, limit my interactions with them. It's a very hard thing to do since the first person I'm gonna cut off is none other than my best friend of seven years. Recent events I'd rather not divulge made me realize that she wasn't as good as a friend as I thought she was. It's sad, really.
2) The desicion to move out from my lovable BlogSpot account (The Mundane Side of The Road)
Another hard decision for me to make was to stop posting at my BlogSpot account. I tremendously enjoyed posting my shit in there and leaving it tears me apart. I was never the one to give a serious thought on buying my own domain because, I could always get it for free, until now (my friends always suggested I make The BlindRage a dot com site but I always find plenty of reasons to go against that)
What hastened my decision was the fact that I couldn't write things that matters to me the most anymore. However, I'll be the first to admit that the fault is mine. I molded Mundane Side of The Road as the humor blog that it is now and I guess when I'm this depressed, I want to vent -out my frustrations but I can't do it because of the fact that most of my readers are the gossipy lot. I'll be damned if I reveal too much of myself to this kind of crowd that's why I felt Mundane Side has run its due course.
I admit that I still care what other people think of me. A fact we all share but most of you are too afraid to admit. Maybe it's out of vanity or maybe because of my own constant quest for self-improvement but yes, I do care no matter how often I say I don't. I'm a walking contradiction but at least I have the balls to say it.
So yes, I've closed down my old joint in hopes to open a much better, hellalot coherent and hopefully a more honest spot right here.
3) I hunger for change yet is deathly afraid of it.
I've always remarked how 2008 kept kicking my ass and there are a lot of things that changed. Admittedly, I hate changes and I somehow convinced myself that my life would be a better place to live in without all these new going-ons but at the same time, I'm kinda learning to roll in with the punches. However, lemme just state that growing old is a bitch. It is and we all know it.
4) Err... the lump in my lady lump.
The prevalent thing that concerns me the most is the tiny lump on my left boob. I've been telling people that it's probably nothing but I have never been this scared in my life before simply because The Big C is always a possibility. I took the liberty of having it checked and the doctor told me I have nothing to worry about, I'm relieved, course but I'm still determined to make a few lifestyle changes, you know, just in case.
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