Monday Blues, Beggone!

Hay, the holidays came and went so fast. Wish I could've stayed home longer.

Breaking news: Osama bin Laden, sighted!

Tina: Man. I'm freezing my balls off... if I have balls, that is.
Benny: Sure you do.
Tina: Imaginary balls, parang sayo lang. o_0
Tina: ZING.

*******

Tina: Venny Venny Vevenny Banana-bana Vevenny, Peach Pie Vevenny... Venny!
Benny: ...

*******

Tina: Hmft. Hindi na kita bati tas di na kayu magkakatuluyan ni ******** tas wala nang ibu-bully yung anak ko kasi vrgin ka pa din FOREVER!!!!
Benny: Ok. Ako naman.
Benny: *clears throat*
Benny: Masisira blog mo dahil may mga virus yung mga widget na nilalagay mo, tapos ispa-spam siya ng WebDate. Tapos dahil dun, mawawala na ang title mo ng zexxxy beast (mapupunta sa akin) tapos hindi ka na magkaka-anak!!!!

Pang-alis ng Monday Blues

Mixed Nuts

Yes I'm still alive. Before anything else, this entry will be crammed full of random shit cuz 1) I'm too lazy to make one post for each subject 2) I suddenly found myself unable to do so eversince CannedThoughts came into my midst and 3) It's my fucking blog, cut me some slack.

Okay, so last Saturday, despite getting harassed by some bands I'd rather not mention and getting pissed over the liqour-ban thing that we didn't see coming, it was a smashing success! I'd like to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to all the bands that participated, for our COO and officemates who showed support by showing up and for friends who made it to the event! Salamat ng beri meni! Mabuhay ang Musikang Pinoy!

 

Second: I was one of the recipient of Arajaya Awards that showcases "ze hilariously hilarious ideas of bloggers that reflect the modern human society" That's right people, I'm a proud Arajaya winner, how cool is that?! To McRey, I'm very much honored and I thank you for taking the time to read my shitty little blog! Trust that I'll make you proud by ensuring sparsely interjected humor in each and every post that I make to bring justice to the award you have so kindly bestowed upon me! Thank you! Thank you, Mabuhay ang Pelepens!

The Arajaya AwardsThird: The benevolent Parisukat tagged me. Alas, he got me good too. I'm in for The Seven Truths About Me tag so here goes nuthin':

1) Most of my friends says I'm a wretched bitch but personally, I think I'm not. Lapitin lang ako sa away.
2) I've always wanted to be a cartoonist when I was a kid. Sadly, I became a writer instead.
3) I hate being the "leader". I hate the responsibility that comes with it, I hate the thought of being counted on for anything and I don't have the patience to put up with other people's bullshit. That's why growing up, I don't want to be a class officer. That's one of the reason why in as much as I love our new site, I secretly resent CannedThoughts.
4) In my mind, I have killed many people. But I'm not alone on this, I think.
5) I hold grudges. It's something I've always tried on working on. I look forward to the day when I can finally, sincerely, forgive a person.
6) I've always wondered about Extra-Terrestial life.
7) Sometimes it disturbs me how apathetic I am of other people.

But enough about me, moving on:

Fourth: I got a sweet treat from Kero! Yeah, for the second time around people! Man, this is an honor, indeed! Thank you so much dear!

I'm off to ze province for a much-needed break from all the slack I've been getting myself into. God knows how much I'm looking forward to that! No internet for a week! A whole week! Ilovet!!!! Happy Halloween, people! Muah!

 

 

The Save Tina Foundation

*Update: Happy Bertdey To Roschie!!!*

Still Promoting: I'll do a double-post. Meanwhile, check out the latest from Canned Thoughts: Revealed Secrets by the Net Fairy., The Beast Master writes his NBA Season Preview, Fire In The Hole by Sunrise Shotgun, Lord Steven for Local Horror Flick Goes Hollywood, and Let's head up North! by Jeo, yes you read it right . After much begging and bawlin' I managed to convince Jeo to write for Canned Thoughts! That feat alone deserves a Noble Peace Prize... susunod ka na, Ayan!


And remember guys: Link us up, let us know and we will add you up in our blogroll tew! Also, for some folks who's curious enough to ask, we are currently updating the site on Tuesdays and Fridays. There.

But wait, there's more!

Sabado na yan mga kapatid. Sana makarating kayo.
Line-Up: Monkey Drive, Sundown, Ducks Entertainment, Pentavia, Live Tilapia, FMD, The Chongkeys, Descant Gott, Eliana's Theory

Venue: Freedom Bar (Anonas)
Ticket: 120 Php inclusive of one (1) beer and will be available at the venue itself.
Show starts: at 9:00 pm- 3am. See you guys. Ang pumunta may libreng kiss galing kay Tado!

All proceed will go to The Save Tina Foundation,



 

CannedThoughts.net is ON!!!

It's finally up and running! Thank God for small favors. Kids, me a bunch of friends put up a brand-spankin' new site, CannedThoughts.net! Anything from weird facts to interesting shit are gonna be featured here!

.:: CannedThoughts.net ::.

On our maiden journey, we've got Kill Ernest and his Top Five List of Dead Musicians, Sunrise Shotgun pondering on The Lost Art Of Drinking Glamorously, Melted Neuron for Hollywood's Good- Doers. and found on the net, an interesting article about The 6 Most Terrifying Foods In The World! We are also featuring the impressive work of photographer, Nino Coliamco!

Oh and by the way, we are all for link exchanges so:

Link Us Up and We'll Include You, Yes You, In Our Blog Roll!

 

Drugs Are The Devil

Update: Gots me another award courtesy of ze lovely Kathycot!

Ayuh, I never thought I'd see the day when somebody would actually acknowledge my fabulousness (clearly I'm a little baffled myself)! This is my third award, yay! Thank you dear! I should pass this award right? Yeah, well I'll pass this award to: the fab Ody, cynic chick Cams, the lovely Enna, my good friend Edce (who, for some weird reason, deleted her blog. Hope you're reading this, dear.) and to Hannah (maybe this award will cheer you up, you won't have to make threats of offing yourself, yes?) Stay fabulous, bitches!

Damn. I know models are pretty much not known for being smart and all that jazz but I certainly didn't expect some to be this blind.

Here's the scenario: A guy did some fancy acrobatic shit that includes prancing around the runway with a samurai (Wushu, I think), he made a hugeass hole while at it. You'd think a gaping hole like that would stand out like a sore thumb for everyone to see but nooo... here comes this girl who might've thought "Dude I'm so high right now, I doubt if the law of physics could stop me from flying right through this damn hole"

Well, laughing at models doing something hilarious never really gets old..

Got blow?

Spot The Retard

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It's A Rock Show, Y'all!

Yep, I'm still alive and ready to haunt you shitless! You must be a wee bit curious what the fuck's going on with this picture of Her Oiliness, Tado (Live Tilapia) and drunken Schpetey (as well as the soundtrack, if I may add). Wait! I can explain!

Her Oiliness, Tado and Drunken Schpetey

I'm here to promote something. Forced Issue Productions has cooked up something very special for the coming Halloween! It's a rock show, y'all!

And you'd think I'm not the type who does anything productive and all, hahaha! I do more than wasting away here in my little desk afterall, no?

The soundtrack you're hearing right now is entitled "Diksyonaryo" by The Chonkeys and I promised Yohan that I'm gonna promote their awesome album out early next year. Not only are dem one of our favorite band to feature because they really deliver, I'm also a big fan of Ze Chonkeys! I kid you not, my friend. Below is another of their track I found at Imeem.com entitled, "Gabi ng Lagim"

Awesome, yeah? On October 27th (that's a Saturday in case anyone is interested to know) we are holding a show at Freedon Bar (Anonas) and we are promising good company, good food and most importantly awesome music! the band performing are as follows:

Monkey Drive
Sundown
Ducks Entertainment
Pentavia
Live Tilapia
The Chongkeys
FMD
Descant Gott
Eliana Theory

Show starts at 9:00, Tickets are 120 PHp inclusive of one beer and will be available either at the venue itself or you can contact Hannah at 0916-7411-178 . If you're an officemate, alam nyo naman kung nasan ako. Pakalat-kalat lang ako dyan sa fool area. So it's gonna be fun and shit!

I'll see your zexXxy ass, yeah?

Ovulating Si Pork

I'm feeling a bit jolly right now. Will do a double-post later kung binigay lang sakin ang lintek na poster Punyet... Anyways: I'm featuring Rosch this time para maiba naman.

Rosch: ... and it's just not him kc yung may sakit. Pati mom nya, parehas cla.
Tina: Tsktsk...
Rosch: ... and they both need to it agad... the med help... kc sobrang late na yung stage yata eh
Tina: How the fuck did he get into this schiz anyways? Hereditary?
Rosch: I think so...
Tina: Kasi kung chronic kidney failure it's something that they are continually inducing, chong. That stuff is the culpritness.
Tina: I just know it. I see it all the time sa House. So I'm practically a doctor too
Tina: House would be proud of me. I'd be his bitch.

******

Benny: Btw, I'm considering BennyLava.com as my domain name.
Tina: That's cool. I like it better than TheMagicalTumbong.com
Tina: Can you come up with a nice category name for celeb news?
Benny: Ano ba yung dati?
Tina: In The Limelight

(thinks for 5 minutes)

Benny: The Limelight
Tina: Waw, grabe pare... nag-melt ang brain ko sa sobrang creative mo
Benny: I know right?
Tina: I was blown away
Tina: Use your fucking imagination, why dontcha?

******

Benny: Anyway, uwi na ako :|
Tina: Uwi ka na? Aga naman?
Benny: I'm ovulating.
Tina: Ooohhhh... At kelan ka pa nagka-matris, puta kah?!
Benny: Nasa may puyo ko sa ulo
Benny: Ayan...lumalabas na ang mga itlog!!!
Benny: Sige, paalam

Salud!

Filipino Convicts: To The Tune Of Que Rico Mambo

I was supposed to write about me, spending the weekend plowing through a traditional 12- course meal somewhere in the Manila area (yes you read that right 12 fucking course... If anyone is interested to know: I fucking survived it, bitches! 3 soups, 3 desserts and 6 main courses (?) later, I'm still standing) It's one of the many fun things about being a half-breed (ampao, tikoy and Peking Duck). Well, it was fun while it lasted. There were however, a few fleeting moments where I felt I'm about to barf if poked in the wrong way but thank God I managed to keep my shit together and I, once again, stands victorious! That story would've been fun, no?

But then I chanced upon this and wouldn't you know it, I ditched all efforts to dish out my mind-numbing story.

Oh, hell no. The convicts are at it again. This time dancing to the tune of "Que Rico Mambo". No, I kid you not. I repeat: to the tune of "Que Rico Mambo" You can't make up this kind of schiz, y'know. Don't let me interrupt.

It's silly, it's impressive and it's... mind-boggling. It makes you want to go to the Philippines and commit crime, no? I jest, I jest!

Money Pacquiao

Again, I stole this image from Fhay. Can't help it, churi na, hihihi.... I almost forgot about Pacman's victory last Sunday. So ang comment ko lang is that: That was very well played I can't help but point out, Barrera kinda short-changed his Mexican friends.

I mean, he could've stopped running around like an ass and y'know... throw punches every once in a while. And don't even get me started on that nasty little swing he took. To Barrera: That illegal swing from what, round 9 (not sure kung 11th or 9th... memory-gap na ito...) was beneath you, man. Honor before Victory, kapatid.

In all fairness, yung illegal bonkeroo lang ata ang maganda nyang nagawa nung laban na yun so let's give him that.

I'm swimming in monneh, yo!

Anyways, how come Mondays always sucks? Ugh. I hate Mondays. Damn Mondays To HELL!!!


This image was done by my friend and mentor, Tin. Cute no? Kamukha ko ba? Bwehehehehe! By the way, this is my 60th post here in BlogSpot. I could've thought of a better shit to write except I feel a bit wonky right now. Makuntento na kayo dyan.

Pweh. Dinuraan kita sa ilong.

Desperate Housewives: Sorry Kayo Jan!

Well lookit here... giving in on much pressure over the racial slur that Skeletor let slip over the season premier of Desperate Houswives, the ignorant pieces of shit that makes up most of The Desperate Houswives gang, issued an apology.

Are You Ready For This Jelleh?

Skeletor Likes Sniffing Panties

"The producers of "Desperate Housewives" and ABC Studios offer our sincere apologies for any offense caused by the brief reference in the season premiere. There was no intent to disparage the integrity of any aspect of the medical community in the Philippines. As leaders in broadcast diversity, we are committed to presenting sensitive and respectful images of all communities featured in our programs."

Don't mean no disrespect but, It's about fucking time, you fools! See, di kasi kayo nag-iingat yan tuloy napapahiya't pasorry-sorry kayo jan. Isa lang masasabi ko: Di pa rin tataas ratings nyo, mga puta kayo!

(I stole this link from Fhay, with good reason! It fucking rocks, bwahahahhah!)

With that said, sana next time ingat ng onti sa mga sinasabi baka mapag-bintangan kang walang pinag-aralan... mahirap yon, hahaha! Since everybody happy na, magpalamig muna tayo ng uloness:

*****

Tina: Sasama ka ba?
Benny: Oo, kaso hindi ako kakain dun.
Tina: Kasi kung sasama ka di ako sasama ayoko kasing kasama ka eh.
Benny: Cool.
Benny: May malalaglag na brown na bagay na mamasa masa sa ulo mo mamaya.
Tina: OoooOOoh, lemme guess! Brownies?! I love brownies!
Benny: Oo. mabahong brownies... galing sa pwet ko.... corn flavor.

*****

Benny: Tina, Magpapahanap sana ako ng picture ng tranny getting jizz all over
(Tina send Benny a link)
Tina: May mga pics ng trannies jan
Benny: Sexiness.
Benny: Salamat
Tina: Surenessment. Lam ko naman nanginginig ka sa laman ng lalake eh
Benny: Nanggigigil...
Benny: Gusto kong dukutin yung etits ng lahat ng mga lalake sa mundo
Benny: Panlinis ng tenga
Benny: Yes...nether regions..mmmmm
Tina: Kinilig naman itlog mo jan.
Tina: Ramdam ko hanggang dito sa 5th floor

Same Old Shit, Different Hairlstyle

Bago muna ang lahat: Biktima na naman ng racist slur ang 'Pinas

Fucking Ow! Shame on the DH writers. It's just sad na nai-stereotype na naman tayo sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Isa lang masasabi ko: Kaya di tumataas ang ratings nyo eh. Thank God I stopped watching your show after the first season. I heard how sucky it was. Mabuhay ang House, Entourage at Monk!!!

*****

Tina: Must... pee...
Benny: Go!
Benny: *lone ranger*
Tina: "lone ranger"?
Benny: Hi ho ihi awaaaay!
Tina: Oh God, Benny.

******

Tina: May kwento me
Tina: Grabe, it rocked my world!
Benny: Go
Tina: Remember the guy I told you about? The guy who asked me out in college when I was fat and ugly? Yung pinagseselosan ni **** dati?
Benny: Oo
Tina: I saw him
Tina: Yesterday
Tina: Here
Tina: Sa building
Tina: My God, Benny
Tina: I actually froze
Tina: Like an infatuated stupid little gurl
Benny: ... and then?
Tina: And then nuthin'
Tina: Kasi may kasama shang two girls
Tina: ... and I was hiya... and shit
Tina: I'm telling you, it's like college all over again, chong.
Tina: Same old shit only this time, I got shorter hair
Benny: Tsk tsk.
Tina: I Are Suckness

Give A Short Black Man A Chance!

"Are kids gonna be taken seriously if they keep making bad choices!?"
- The Whining Kanye

Well, Kanye may be a sore loser but we can all agree, the boy got some sense of humor! Check out this SNL video. He makes fun of himself by throwing tantrums for not winning any award at The Kid's Choice Award, Nobel Peace Prize, Country Fair and for losing out on a hosting gig for SNL! He even went as far as saying "Give a black man a chance! Give a short black man a chance!" Hahahaha!

Enjoy, kids!

Another Dose Of The Stupid

Tina: Rename the goddamned categories, you little piece of shit!
Benny: Mayaaaaaaa...can't you see it's the time of the day where I have to be lazzzzy...
Benny: ... and shit
Tina: Pero pag nagsa-salsal ka, ansipag mo eh, no?
Benny: Oo naman... making salsal is hard work.
Tina: Nakapandidiri ka talaga, hayop ka! But good to know that you know your priorities.
Benny: To know is knowing that everyone knows what you know
Tina: That's... profound.

*****

Tina: (Sends a Ttrillian icon: (g)) Do you see this icon? It's a gift... my gift to you.
Benny: Don't see...
Tina: Well cuz Yahoo Messenger sucksass. Wanna know kung anong laman?
Benny: Ano?
Tina: Zey fritty flish
Benny: Fritty flish
Tina: Say it with feelings...
Benny: Fritty flish with a period
Tina: It's your dignity, man. I've come to give it back. Remember I stole it while you were out masturbating over a bottle of pickles? I used it as a paper weight and now I don't need it anymore
Benny: Yey. :| *oozing with emotion, parang uhog*

*****

Benny was kind enough to share this gem of a video. It's David Letterman harassing Paris Hilton on his show! I kinda feel a little twinge of pity for Paris but the again, she's a spoiled dumb cunt and she's better off being made fun at rather than killing half of the world's population with her drunken boo-boos and blinding the other half with her hairless cooch. Here's the awesome vid, enjoy!

Ang Value Ng Pagiging Corny Ay....

Was browsing through several blogs that led me to Technorati's (... Or Business Opportunities Weblog, I dunno which. I get confused sometimes) shit. So, I dumped my link and interestingly enough, it appears that my blog is worth roughly around $8K.

My blog is worth $8,468.10.

How much is your blog worth?

What the efff... does this mean I can finally yell "Fuck The Corporate World!", quit work, sell this useless piece of a shitty blog, and use ze monneh to make sustento my ever-daming bisyo and kaprichos?! Retirement at 24, hahahahaha!

Surprisingly, may value rin pala ang pagiging corny. Yun lang.