The new tenant at the apartment next to us never really struck me as an odd person. In fact, the bespectacled guy looked pretty much normal to us, in a geeky, slightly chubby, kind of way. It’s been a while since the place was vacated and my sister and I were kind of glad that we have a new neighbor. Two weeks later, he finally settled down. Waaaay too comfortably, it seems.
The time was 6:30 AM when I was rudely awaken with the sound of a yodeling idiot. His voice was similar to the throaty screech of a cow being mercilessly pounded with a machete smack at the center of poor beast’s forehead. Except, it was to the tune of “Hallelujah”. Yes. “Hallelujah”. By Bamboo. Over and over again.
Turns out, Yodeling Nerd has one flaw. He, apparently, have no self awareness whatsoever. I don’t know which is more appalling, the fact that his choice of music sucks like hell, his godawful singing voice that rivals that of a pack of sexed up gibbons, or the fact that he was half-screaming the damn song for everyone within 3 mile radius to hear.
My sister, stirred from her slumber, muttered something about the lack of respect for peace from kids nowadays and made a beeline to the bathroom to take her morning dump. It was a habit of hers I really envy since I’m hopelessly constipated. With nothing to do but wait for my turn to the bathroom, I sipped my morning coffee while marinating in annoyance at our next door neighbor. It was, simply put, loud and horrible, his voice and rendition, respectively.
I contemplated my options. I could 1) Kick his door open, bash his teeth in using my awesome ninja kick, drag him by the balls and make threats of more bodily harm to come if he don’t fucking stop with the fucking singing at 6 in the fucking morning or 2) I could report him to our land lady. I knew it was bad when my usually good-natured sister yelled a heartfelt “HOOOOY” mid-crap, which, unfortunately, fell on deaf ears. Apparently the wall that separates me and that yodeling nerd wasn’t as thin as we thought it was.
My sister came out of the bathroom with a murderous look on her face and I told her of our options. I said I’m going for the former but my sister, who can be trusted to think rationally at an ungodly hour no matter how hard the times are, pointed out that first, we don’t need the trouble and second, I haven’t even gargled and went for the latter. Being the second born, I went with her decision and sipped my coffee some more. My morning coffee tasted as bitter as my mood, that fateful morning.
The Yodeling Nerd stopped singing just as we made up our mind to report his geeky ass to the land lady. My sister gave him a chance and never mentioned anything to the dear old lady. Peace was restored, or so we thought.
12:00 Midnight, Three days after the first incident, The Yodeling Nerd struck again. More awful than ever. I was sound asleep while my lazy sister was doing the laundry. I know, right? She told the story to me first thing in the morning. Turns out, it was worse than the first time, singing the same song over and over again with that horrific voice of his, shaking the whole apartment complex to the ground. It was so bad that she stormed outside with every intention to confront the Yodeling Nerd herself.
Except, when she got outside, the tenant from the other apartment (we were in the middle of these two) was also doing the laundry and also heard every bitter lyric from the song Yodeling Nerd chose to rape. They looked at each other and my sister, feeling a pang of shame at what she was about to do (i.e. kicking Yodeling Nerd’s door open and lambasting the scoundrel with a bitter tirade about ungodly hours, jologs songs and respect for people around him), chose to go back to our apartment like the proper lady that she is. It was up to me then.
The next day, I did what I should’ve done a long time ago. I reported him to the land lady, with carefully chosen words like, his voice sucks, the song he chose sucked even more and that his lack of self-awareness is disrupting the peace and quiet of our lovely neighborhood. Turns out I wasn’t the first one to complain about Yodeling Nerd, our other neighbor (the one who my sister was talking about) beat me to it. Needless to say, Yodeling Nerd has finally learned his lesson.
Bow.
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